F**k You and the Horse You Rode Up On!

[Volker]

Joseph had left the city. He was getting sick of the place, honestly. Laying on a beach and drinking himself stupid only seemed like a good idea for so long. So he'd hitched up his mare and left the place. His wagon was a comfortable little travel arrangement. It was gaily colored in oranges, teals, greens and reds, which gave the wheels a dizzyingly rainbow effect. Inside there was a wool bed adorned in thick, comfortable pillows of all shapes and colors. He'd stolen them from the houses of his lovers. It was a bit of a role call, really. He remembered every silk pillow stolen from a lord, every cotton or drab linen thing from poorer lovers. Fluffy affairs adorned in goldcloth, and harsher pillows woven from horsehair. The blankets were of the best quality. He had stolen a comforter from someone along the way that felt like a cloud, and it made the cozy little nook of the wagon feel like home.

He had a small iron stove fed with wood, that steamed smoke out of the top of the wagon. He could cook and bake on it, and his cast iron pans rattled with the uneven soil of the grasslands. Joseph didnt even bother to drive with a broad, wide open expanse like that. He was laying in bed, nestled in his little nest of pillows. Content and happy to listen to the little tinklings of his belongings.

Then it stopped. Abruptly. Joseph yanked himself upright, glaring. "What the fucking hell, did you just get lazy?" he demanded of the horse, though the animal couldn't hear him. He yanked open the wooden shutters just above his bed. Oh gods. He glared and got up, opening the door to his wagon. There were fifteen of them, all circling him on their horses. His large eyes narrowed. "Fucking savages."

"Look you lot, I've got nothing to fucking steal." Joseph barked at them irritably. "Fuck off!"

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias was a restless soul, or so he liked to think. No matter where he ended up, he was already eventually ready to go after a week or so. Though he would always refer to his birth island as home, he hadn't really been there since... well, it'd been some time.

He was returning to a small piece of property he owned from a small port city. He'd escorted a couple who wanted to go... exploring... on the ocean. It seemed a silly idea to him, but he didn't want to dash young love's hopes and dreams. The world would do that in time.

So there he was. In the warm afternoon, atop his lightly armored horse Tial, on his way to what he could call a second home. He'd dressed simply for the journey in the more constricting style of breeches and a loose weave top beneath oiled leather armor. His sword was strapped to his horse and his bow hung lazily off his shoulder. Really, Natias wasn't expecting any manner of trouble and, should it appear, he fully expected to hear it long before. His long, slender ears remained perked forward, listening to the play of the wind over the sea of grass, the animals calling, and... someone cursing up a storm.

He tugged back on the reigns and scouted the area. He'd been so content to just trot through the afternoon he hadn't really been looking...

Pinpointing the direction of the sound, he adjusted his bow to a hand and provoked Tial in the direction he believed it should be. The trained horse easily responded and, within short order, the cause of the fuss immediately became apparent. Bandits, it seemed, around a lone wagon. Even at a far distance, and moving on a horse, Natias was a sure shot. He'd lived with a bow in his hands for his entire life.

He fired five arrows before he had to draw his sword on the approach.

Horse

Saving this here for ref for Tial, will add to his profile when I'm at my desktop and can crop appropriately.

[close]

[Volker]

"You've got a lockbox in there somewhere." One of the bandits accused. Joseph looked at him.
"You're tipping over a wagon for a tiny box of coins? Really? I think your horses eat more in coin than I've got. They'll have munched away your profits by dinnertime." he sneered.
"Mouthy little shit aren't you." Another growled back.
The only thing that saved the second bandit from an arrow thunking into his back was getting beaned in the face by a cast iron frying pan. The man tumbled to the ground, unconscious, and his horse whickered and fussed. Joseph had another, smaller implement in his hand, ready to hit the next man who thought it was funny to call him little. At first Joseph thought he'd made a critical error in judgement. He stared at the arrow shivering in the doorframe and thought the bandits might have some longer-range support.

By the confused looks on their faces, they definitely hadn't thought that far. "Friends of yours?" Joseph growled, advancing on his steps with the frypan. They didn't get to answer. Two more arrows took out a pair of the bandits, and another sunk deep into the foreleg of a horse. The animal tipped its rider and stumbled away, howling in pain. Joseph scrabbled for the reins of his own horse. No way the damn mare was losing her shit on him now.

He made a grab for the reins, missed, and his horse lurched forward. She'd clearly had enough of this nonsense. Joseph slammed back into his house as she built up speed, running over one of the bandits with a loud bump. Joseph's door slammed into his face from the wind, and he growled furiously.

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias didn't want to kill people if he didn't have to, but he would. His horse wasn't shy about combat and certainly wasn't shy about running at other horses. Tial side swiped one of the bandits, which allowed Natias to slam the hilt of his sword into the man's shoulder and shove him off.

The horse took off and... so did the wagon. Natias' ears flicked back as he encouraged Tial after it. There were a couple bandits who hadn't given up the chase just yet. Natias swapped his sword for his bow and put a couple more discouraging arrows in the bandits, and their horses, to eventually steer them off the chase.

Now... Well, now it was just the matter of the wagon. Tial was able to keep pace and Natias let it run a ways. Better to put some distance between it and the remaining bandits. Hopefully they'd think twice before wishing to engage again. But... Natias also wasn't about to jump on a run away horse attached to a wagon. So he decided escorting was better than nothing. Luckily there was plains aplenty and the wagon wasn't in any danger of crashing into anything. The horse would, eventually, tire.

[Volker]

Joseph was, in a word, furious. He lunged up on his feet and fell to his knees with a loud cry of pain. His leg was speaking up, and it had quite a lot to say about being tumbled off his feet and then slammed onto rumbling planks. It made Joseph see red. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes and he scrambled up, using the stove for purchase. He shouldered the door open and clambered over the driver's seat. His teeth were clenched so hard he was faintly afraid he'd chip one.

This time when he made a lunge for the reins, he grabbed them. He yanked backwards so hard he felt the horse stumble and scramble to get her footing. The yank on the bit was probably hurting her mouth, but it served her fucking right for what she'd done. Joseph kept the pressure even so she couldn't whip her head to one side and slam herself on her side. She fought the reins, crow-hopping until her chin was almost touching her chest.

Slowly, fitfully, Joseph stopped her. He was blind with rage and agony. He smeared tears onto his hand, rubbing them away angrily so he could see. He let go of the reins, stepped down off of the wagon, marched up to the horse, and socked her right in the nose. She squealed and side-stepped, and Joseph punched her again. "If you fucking do that again I will slit your throat right now and take my chances with the fucking bandits, you panicky glue-pot!" Joseph roared in her ear. The horse stood there, shivering, shaking off the strikes.

"Fucking..." he sat down sharply on his steps and ripped his brace off, flinging it irritably into the dirt. He rubbed his spasming muscles, groaning in pain. 

[SanctifiedSavage]

Tial slowed as the wagon did, but with considerably less fuss. The trained combat horse took a couple of steps and then side stepped farther away from the wagon when an angry man rushed out. Now, Natias had seen a lot of reactions to a bandit attack. Tears, wailing, certainly anger, but he'd never seen anyone just out and out punch their horse.

That... Well, that was a first. He wasn't sure if he should be concerned for the horse or the driver... or both?

His ears lowered at he volume of the stranger's voice. It didn't really matter how long Natias might be around others, he always thought they talked too loud.

It was only after the horse was stationary and the wagon driver had sat down that he slid off his own. He approached with slow, cautionary steps before asking, voice soft but only because that's just how Haevar spoke, "Are you alright?" Idly, one ear pricked up to see if he could hear anyone else approaching. He could still fight well on the ground if they thought to give chase but he didn't think they would. Most tended not to when a real fight was present.

[Volker]

Joseph ducked his head to his chest, his fingers working to try and get the muscles to relax. They were writhing violently under his skin, bucking against malformed bones and half-dead nerves that were making his leg fire off. He grunted, pushing his hands tightly down his calf to get his muscles relaxed. He sighed deeply as he regained control, tears streaming down his cheeks. It made the question that floated to his ears seem utterly idiotic. He looked up at the stranger, ready to tear him apart, but it had also occurred to him that this was the one who had fired the arrows. Especially since the ones in the quiver looked exactly like the ones pincushioning his doorway.

He wiped his eyes angrily and hopped down off the wagon on one foot, reaching down for his brace. "Do I look alright?" he asked sourly. "That horse is lucky I threw my good frying pan or she might be in it." Despite his anger he pushed his foot back into the brace gingerly. It cupped around his ankle and had iron supports to either side of his calf, with a longer tongue behind it. He strapped himself in, looking at the...rabbit? What in hell?

"So what the fuck are you then?"

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias could tell something was wrong, but it didn't look like something recent. More to the point, he was definitely not a healer so unless it was something that could be rudimentarily stitched... then the poor man was out of luck. At least when it came to Natias being able to help.

He stood by patiently while the other sorted out what was going on with his leg. An old injury, most like.

The Haevar stood easily, weight mostly on one leg, though his ears fell back once more when the man addressed him. Tone and sound were not exactly welcoming, but he could understand. He had just been attacked. Everyone responded different and he had punched his horse. "Just asking if there was anything I could do," he clarified softly before smiling just a little. About the only thing that set Natius truly apart from humans were his clawed feet and ears – which frequently had him compared to a rabbit – but that was fine.

It was what people noticed right away. Hard to... not, given how long they were. Since his own people were rare... He shrugged a shoulder and answered with the simplest answer, "Not from around here. Telling you the name wouldn't really mean anything, would it?" Then, because he didn't want to sound like he was being dismissive, he added, "My name is Natias."

Tial stood near by and idly grazed. Since it seemed everything was all well, the horse had calmed considerably and was now just grabbing a bite to eat.

[Volker]

Joseph looked up at the other. Well, he was right. The rabbit telling him his race wouldn't ring any bells for Joseph. He sighed and put his arms over his chest. "There's nothing you can do for something I was born with. If that stupid glue-pot hadn't taken off like that it wouldn't hurt so fucking badly." he said venomously, with a hateful look toward the mare. She was uneasily grazing alongside the war horse, though wisely giving him his space.

"Joseph." Joseph grunted finally. "My name's Joseph. I would have had that under control, by the way. You didn't need to come and save me. I'm not helpless." He did need to think about his safety, however. If he was going to continue to travel the grasslands, apparently his mouth wasn't his strong suit. Unless the bandits wanted to form a line to get sucked off. He tapped a finger on his arm. "You wouldn't be available for hire, would you?" he asked. "Cash or ass, it's what I've got. And don't worry if you're not into men. I've got ways around that."

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias had no idea what to do with the angry little human, but it was both amusing and a little concerning. It wasn't that the haevar didn't think he could take care of himself so much as he was a little worried about... well, everyone else he might come into contact with.

To hear that this person – Joseph – would've had fifteen bandits under control though seemed a boast. Not that Natias was going to call him out on it. He just wasn't that sort. He did smile just a little when Joseph said as much and shrugged a shoulder. Fine, fine.

Before he could even answer that he'd happily trail the wagon and the driver, the man's offer made him snort a laugh. "You are probably the oddest person I've met in such a long time," he said instead. Natias shook his head and perked his ears up. After a moment of studying him, he turned on one foot and made his way over to his horse. "At this rate, I should probably just go with you to keep others safe from that mouth of yours. I don't even know what 'ways around that' even means."

When Natias approached his horse, Tial lifted his head and shifted closer so he could mount up. Settled on the large animal, Natias asked, "Do you need any more help before we continue on or... do you wanna shout across the grasslands some more?" It probably wasn't the best idea to provoke someone who was already so loud, but it was also really hard not to.

[Volker]

Joseph smirked. He thought Natias would never ask. He stood up, and began to change. His features softened, lengthening a bit and becoming a little more elegant. His sharp cheekbones lost just a little bit of their edge, and his large brown eyes were framed by long, dark eyelashes. His ears furled and lengthened, becoming long, cream colored and cunicular. While he wasn't too informed on Natias' race, he was doing a fairly good imitation physically. He grinned and leaned on Natias' saddle, looking up at him and flicking one of his rabbit ears. "What do you think I meant by 'get around it'?" he purred. "I can be anything. Male. Female." his frame shifted slightly. His bone structure became finer still, breasts burgeoned under his shirt and his hips grew wider. "Or perhaps something in between?"

He patted Natias' leg and turned to go back to his wagon, slowly shedding the rabbit form. So that was what Natias meant by shouting. He spoke in a slightly softer voice this time. "So. We got a deal?" he asked. "Tie the horse to the back, and come in for a cup of tea. Least I can do."

[SanctifiedSavage]

Well. This... guy?... was going to never cease to be surprising. Natias stared down at him, expression blank with surprise while his ears remained upright and forward.  He... didn't know what he was looking at now. He knew it wasn't one of his own, and the skin tone was still a bit off, but even so...

Natias' ears went back as the shock wore off and he watched the variations in Joseph. He really didn't know how to really process what he'd seen, but... being pleasant and calm were pretty much his default reaction to most things when he didn't know otherwise.

"Ah. Yeah. Sure. Tea." That was certainly a normal response to everything that had happened today. Natias did a quick scan of the surrounding plains, just in case, before he slid off of Tial. Didn't look like they were going anywhere so... He left the reigns draped over the saddle. No need to tie down the 'war' horse. He wouldn't go anywhere. "I don't mind helping out..." Was Natias' vague confirmation to whatever deal they were making.

Because he didn't know what to say otherwise. Maybe Joseph had been a little better off than he'd thought. Without thinking how the question might be taken, he asked, "What else can you change?"

[Volker]

Natias was a little off-kilter from Joseph's transformation, exactly how the other man liked to do business. Suddenly shifting gender and race at the drop of a hat tended to do that to most people. He lit the stove with a match and threw open most of the tiny windows, offering his bed as the only seat. After all, he could just rearrange his pillow collection to lean against the back of the wagon and he had a nice little windowseat instead of a bed. Joseph filled the kettle from a small water barrel in the corner of the kitchenette, and set it on the flames to warm up. Oh, then that question. Asked so many times, always in that semi-hesitant way.

"I can be whatever you want. I can change everything but the leg, and certain features. Big eyes, high cheekbones, you're stuck with those. My height I can only modify so much before the brace doesn't fit anymore. Anything else is fair game. Sex. Race. I can even be an animal if youre into that. No kids though. I got the height but it makes me feel fucking awful." Joseph shrugged. "Other than that, there are no lines. You make of this deal what you ask of me. You protect me, I pay you."

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias climbed up into the wagon, more fascinated the longer he thought about someone who could just change things about themselves. Not that he would if he could, but it was still a neat ability. His ears lowered some and he settled on the only available place to sit. When Joseph explained the extent of it all, Natias could then understand the limitation. An animal might work for fighting, though.

His mind was in the realm of practical application right up until Joseph mentioned paying him again.

Only then did the haevar make the connection that Joseph was talking about paying him in quite literally whatever form he wanted. Natias' already tanned skin darkened some and a half smile crossed his face. "Oh. Ah. I... You don't have to..." Natias had been offered a lot in his time, and this wasn't the first someone had suggested sex as payment, but it was the first time someone had said they could be a lot of different things for said payment.

Natias wasn't a prude and certainly didn't think of himself as one, but he didn't want to take advantage of someone down and out either. He wasn't that sort of person.

[Volker]

Joseph prepared the little linen bags of tea, putting them in mugs and shrugging. He'd used his body to fight before. His favored forms were the panther and the dog; he felt special kinship to both of them. To be honest he preferred being on four legs. On two legs, one bad leg might as well have been a death sentence. Four legs? He still had three good ones. He could even run, to a certain extent. He looked back at Natias as recognition dawned on the man's face. "Oh for fuck's sake. Some men use coin. I use my body. You're not picking on the homeless here. I was being truthful when I told those bandits I had no coin. This..." he gestured up and down to himself. "...is about what I have as far as a trade. And I'm good at it."

Joseph poured hot water into the mugs and offered one to Natias, then went up front to click to the mare and get her moving again. "You're not taking advantage of shit. I'm offering a service most men go into hock to pay for." he said. He sat down next to Natias on the bed. "So where were you going that you just happened by me, eh?"

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias smiled a little when he was given the mug and held it, letting it steep and cool just a little before he'd take a sip. He had the grace to look chagrined when Joseph ranted at him, smiling a little despite himself, before shaking his head. "I don't mean to come across as judgmental or anything. I just didn't want you to think you owed me anything for helping you. It's what any decent person would've... or should've... done." Which he most certainly meant.

He leaned back some, swaying a little as the wagon started to move. Naturally, Tial lazily followed. His companion was in the wagon so the horse would naturally follow.

Faintly playful, Natias replied, "I think it's the idea that most want to think they don't have to pay for it... But." He shrugged once more and watched Joseph a moment, sipping the tea. It was since to have something to drink other than water. "Is this how you prefer to look?"

[Volker]

"This is how I was born. There's a thing about shapeshifters; we don't like the idea of losing ourselves. Bouncing back and forth from form to form until we can't remember what we looked like anymore. Not exactly how I want to end up." Joseph pointed out. "And there are limitations. Don't you think my height and my leg were the first things I tried to change when I discovered my magic? Nope, doesn't work that way. You're born with a busted leg, you stay with a busted leg. No amount of magic changes that."

He took a sip of his tea and removed the bag, setting it on a plate. He could wash the little linen bags and use them later. He looked over at Natias. "Besides Id like to think that if my bodyguard is that good with a bow and sword, I'd like to keep him happy, right?" he pointed out. "It's convenient. If it helps you relax any more Ill pay you in coin when I get any. But most guys would think that having a shapeshifter around to cater to your every fantasy wouldn't be a bad thing."

Joseph took a big sip of his tea. "I want to hire you, not have you follow me around out of pity."

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias pulled the tea bag out of his own, after it had steeped a little longer that was probably preferable to some. He liked bitter tea. He considered while looking at the colored water. "Well, seeing as how you're... either the first I've met, or the first to admit they're such, this is all news to me." He glanced at Joseph while taking a sip of his tea.

He did laugh some. "I suppose if you thought there was something wrong with your height..." Natius shrugged a shoulder. "Fine, fine. But my condition being that you don't change anything about yourself. Seems fake. Fantasy aside, which isn't much of my thing, if that's how you want to pay me then there's no need to go through all that. Frankly, I'm not sure what to do with a shapeshifter." He chuckled more so and finished the rest of his tea.  "I also don't want you to do anything you don't want to. I am not that sort of person."

Natias understood not wanting to take hand outs and not wanting people to do anything out of pity. He wasn't, but that didn't change the other man's perception of it. If that's how he wanted to pay, and felt no way about doing it... well. He was already out and about. Natias wasn't in any rush to go anywhere and it wouldn't put him out to travel more so. "I don't have anywhere to be and I'm not in any rush, so that's fine." He stretched out his legs and flexed the claws at the end of his feet. He had been wanting a new adventure, now that the last one was done. This counted, he supposed.

"Where are we headed? And what is it you do when you're not being harassed by bandits?"

[Volker]

"Probably the first to admit it. I'm beyond shame." Joseph said with a stretch. He sipped his tea contentedly. This was the way to travel. Not bouncing around on some horse. Laying in a small pile of cushions drinking tea and watching the world go by. He smirked at Natias. "Changing nothing? Really? I didn't think you were in to gimps without any body fat and high cheekbones, but whatever floats your boat. People usually liken me to a skeleton or something. Don't feel like you have to ask for the original on my account. It's sweet of you to think so." he made himself a little more comfortable. "I also do assassination work. Looking exactly like the maid can get you into more places than you'd think. A little petty robbery here and there. I'm not too oriented with this damn plain. I have no idea where the next target is."

He turned to Natias and smirked at him. "Any promising rich lords you've served over the last few years you want revenge on? OR know of anyone with too much gold in his pockets?" he asked.

[SanctifiedSavage]

Natias leaned forward to place his empty cup next to the small plate with the tea bags on it. He shook his head a little, which made his ears sway. "You're not unattractive," he clarified, "And a physical handicap doesn't detract from that either. I tend to like people for who they are, not any one physical thing about them." He leaned back on a hand, chuckling a little. "Though seeing another with ears like mine for a moment did shock me. It's been a couple of months, almost a year, since I've seen another haevar. I get homesick, on occasion."

He glanced out the back of the wagon and continued to sway with the motions of it. Smooth and easy. Nothing too bad. Not quite like his horse, which he preferred if he were traveling. Getting to see everything around was always better than not. "Most larger towns have a target or two you could hit up," he said, before chuckling. "But I'm not going to point you in the direction of someone in specific to either kill or rob from. That's your work. I usually protect people. Though I won't begrudge you what you do." After a breath, he added with a small laugh. "You, Joseph, are an odd one."

He tilted his head while he considered a moment. "Nearest town is Lital. Trade town. Big on smiths, markets, and food. Nice homes too. Wouldn't be a bad place to stop, should you want."