The blood drained from his face and his heart seemed to freeze in his chest. His chest heaved with breath and panic. "I want this," he rushed to say so fast the words left him barely comprehensible and heavily accented by his native tongue. He surged to his feet without even realizing he was on them, his hands and tongue flying with words as if afraid the moment he was interrupted he would never get to have his words out.

"I want this. I want you and I know that you want nothing to do with all the drama and bars and chains in my life. I know you don't want to be entangled with the stupid mess that is my life and I'm trying so hard to be good, to behave, and yet I can't stop from caring. I worry about you. I'm scared for you. I hate myself every day for being this weak, for not being able to let you go, or be a good friend, for confessing right after tragedy. For saying we couldn't because of the tragedy and not wanting you to think I was confused. For not being greedy then. For still being greedy now and clinging to every little scrap of affection or glance I can get from you, positive, negative, or otherwise. And I'm so, so sorry. Everything is wrong and unsafe and it's all my fault and I keep making things your problem but please, please don't think I am judging you or ridiculing you. It's not where this comes from. It's far more than that."

He stood there shaking, pale, and voice cracking as his throat closes with held back tears. Theodore looked on the verge of collapsing or breaking if so much as a gentle breeze blew through the room. Fletcher could crush him like a bug with a single word and he would accept it as it sent him to his proverbial death. He had brought this all shattering down upon his shoulders and he knew it was a mistake. The timing was all wrong. But the impulse was there and he'd let the panic control him and now it had all come spilling out and there was no retracting that.

Theodore Ransom Archer had just signed his own death warrant and left it at Fletcher's feet. 

Theo watched, his own face twisted in concern and longing. He wanted nothing more than to leap from his chair and drag Fletcher into his arms, to crush him close and beg him to wait until they found another way. But that wasn't what they had agreed on doing. And so Theodore Archer was glued to his chair in anguish as the man he adored paces in self-torment before him. 

"Jack," he breathed, his voice filled with gentle compassion. "You can't tell me off for trying to shoulder everything alone and expect me to let you do the same. All these things small and big are adding up and it's crushing you. Can you even live with yourself when everything is over? That is what I'm trying to ask you. Or will you just be a shell drowning himself in alcohol every night to feel something again?"

Tears welled in his eyes that he quickly squeezed away but his brows remained furrowed tightly with his concern. "I worry...," Theo sighed and shook his head. "Do what you think best. I know it's not my place to ask the impossible of you," he swallowed thickly his eyes glassy and vision blurred again. "I am trying very hard to not make decisions for you and smother you. But is this really what you want to do? Or is this what you've decided you must do?"

"No, it is not done out of station I know. I just don't wish your efforts to be so drastic as to...," he trailed off as he tried to find the appropriate words. He didn't want Fletcher to end up destroying himself for Theo. He didn't want to lose the man he loved in his pursuit to set the nobleman free.

"There are other ways. I know you already have much on your plate and I am adding to it with this. But, I would still have your happier self return with the ice melt, and if this would prevent that, then don't do it. I meant what I said to him. I take my role very seriously and I hope you know the depths of my care for you...all."

Theo stared up at him with clear eyes, unclouded by anything save trust and earnestness. "I may not know the depth, no. But I trust you to keep yourself safe, to only do what it is you want and nothing more, and to tell me when I ask too much of you. Again...if this is not what you want, we'll find another way. Don't sacrifice yourself because the son of a baron asked it of you."

He sighed and licked his lips slightly looking away and then back. "What is your perception of him?"

"Thank you. I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Have a good evening then," he bade, rising enough to see him out before sinking back into his chair. For several moments he remained silent even as Fletcher awaited his answer. Thoughts milled about in his head before he finally motioned the other man closer. 

"I have a request of you but you can say no. I would like you to use your skills to look into him. I do not doubt that he will serve our purposes. I just wish to be prepared should he be tempted to serve his own first. Unless," he looked up at Fletcher to judge his opinion, "you think it unnecessary and overly cautious of me?"

His eyes drifted back to Fletcher. Decent? After everything? Theo didn't feel like the decent sort at all and the lead sunk in deeper. He unconsciously fingered the healing but very much angry pink scar that still graced his throat as he too retook his seat deep in thought.

"Spring," he sighed softly. "We haven't picked an exact date but I imagine it will be settled upon soon for when the flowers are in fullest bloom. She likes pretty things, is always dropping her ribbons hoping some mildly attractive man will collect them for her," he eyes Neal up and down again, "and theatre. Lady Obower sings, quite well I'm told. I imagine she listens to similar as well. She is expected tomorrow but if that is too soon for you I understand. You don't need to meet her then. She comes," he looked to Fletcher for confirmation, "two to four times a week as suits her mood. I am not always given warning of her intentions so you'll have to excuse me for lacking more information that.

"The sooner however you can work your charms, the better. I would be greatly disappointed to find you were dallying in your efforts in order to milk the Baron of more funds. I would not consider it if I were you."

"I understand that we do not know each other sir. However, I would appreciate it if you did not make assumptions regarding my person and my thoughts. I have a great respect for your profession even if it is not a service I myself partake in. And you will have to forgive me my caution, but I do not know you and I have had staff I knew better who I thought it wise to trust and instead deeply betrayed that trust. I care very much for the people under my family's employ. So please if I have insulted you consider it more about me wanting to protect them from everything within my power and less about deeming you as lesser or unsafe. I take my responsibilities as a future lord and custodian of my land and people very seriously you see."

Theo caught the glare and blushed slightly as he slipped his hand away and motioned for the men to sit. "He's certainly tall enough and warm-toned like you—she's made advances on Mr. Daw already. Also I believe you misheard, his name is Jack, not Jackie. As you'll be acting as a member of my staff it'll be best if there's further no slip ups of this nature in the future.

"And you understand the stipulations that if a fight breaks out for any reason you are to leave and not engage? And that you are not to engage with the staff in your main occupational role? What you do on your own time off the premise is your business however to do as you see fit."

Time was a strange thing. It moved faster and slower on its own terms. Moments you wanted to last forever were over in a blink. Horrors you wanted to end dragged on for what felt like centuries. Theo and Fletcher bounced back into their rhythms as if nothing had happened between them, as if they didn't love each other, and as if they weren't both pretending that they didn't because they simply couldn't.

His bodyguard left in his day off and Theo pretended not to care. His hands shook and more and more he snuck away to drink and Theo pretended not to notice. But his heart knew, and it bled for him. He was doing this to Fletcher, he was sure of it. Driving a man to drink, how often he had heard his father declare he would. He just never imagined the man would be the one he loved. The thought filled his belly with lead.

Then everything was moving all at once and his apparent savior was sweeping into his bedroom with all of the grace and suaveness of a great big hunting cat. Theo nodded to Fletcher as he got to his own feet to greet the newcomer. His brows raised in surprise to find he was actually shorter and found his eyes sweeping up and down the newest addition with something akin to appreciation.

"A pleasure to meet you, sir," he murmured softly, holding his hand out to shake. "I trust Mr. Daw has explained the parameters of your role? Do you have any questions before we proceed with planning?"

He physically shrunk at the look knowing immediately in that moment that Fletcher was not sick. He was furious with Theo who had once again stepped in it. Theodore did nothing to stop the other man and remained still long after the nanny door sent vibrations through the floor at being shut.

How did Theo keep doing this? How did he keep spewing hurt at Fletcher and then expect the man to take it and be alright? How did this man manage to break all of Theo's walls into dust? It left the nobleman scared and raw and hungry for more. He said he would be good. He said he'd behave and not fling himself at Fletcher or beg the man to love him and want him.

But, inside he still wanted him. He wanted his attention, his smiles, his scowls, his embraces, his kisses, his touches. He wanted to feel the rumbles of speech and laughter. He wanted intimacy that was more than just sex, that was love and closeness and warmth and he wanted it with Fletcher in a way he'd never wanted it before. He did not think he could ever want it again with someone else. And how deeply that both scared and exhilarated him.

Theo felt as if he was spiraling into a thousand tiny cracks. That at any minute he was going to explode and shatter and left to pick up the pieces of his heart all over again. Everything was far more complicated this time around. Was it maturity? Or was it the intensity that came with everything that Fletcher was and did? Or was it because it was forbidden? He had walked this path before so why was he so tempted to stumble down it again? He said one thing and did another. It must drive Fletcher insane for it surely was doing it to Theo.

He got up from his chair and paced. From door to door back and forth and back and forth he went. Each step a hammer to his heart. Each step as audible as if it was Fletcher's room he paced in. Theo ran his fingers through his damp hair and shook it out again with a soft growl. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Theodore Ransom Archer? Why can't you do anything right?" He bemoaned aloud as he sunk down onto the edge of his bed suddenly feeling so old and broken down. "He deserves so much better than this. I don't understand why he fucking stays when I act like this. I wouldn't stay...," he exhaled. "I would." Theo sighed again sounding even more aggravated and resigned. "Be better, Theodore! Be better. Be better..."

"No...are you unwell?" Theo sat up straighter and stared at Fletcher in concern. "Do you need a shift change or a healer? I'll stay put and not get into trouble but we can send for someone discretely so there's no trouble."

"That isn't what I said. I know you wouldn't and you choose well. I just am stressing that I agree with your choices and that I am not sacrificing their safety for my need to escape this union. That's all I meant."

Theo nodded along in complete agreement with the additional proposed stipulation. "Of course. He'd be here to woo her not to protect me. It's only for show. I don't want it any other way. Can just have him double up with you on days she's here even. Whatever you feel is best really."

He looked away some at the jab, knowing it wasn't uncalled for after his own stings. The grin and coldness paired with the brothel comment hurt deeply. But how could Theo say that wasn't how he wanted his first time to be to a man who clearly was very experienced and had a talent for going for the jugular when slighted? How could he say he was as silly and sad as his books and wanted romance and love-making over paid for intercourse and the fantasy of care? How did he tell him he'd rather go his whole life without than pretend at love?

He couldn't. So he didn't.

But he did wish Fletcher cared. He desperately wanted him to care and yet he just had to be spicy. He just had to push him again and again to get a rise out of him as if being bit back was better affection than the silence, as if the man didn't breathe his care of Theo with every exhale.

"I'm sorry," he said instead. "I did it again." Theo sighed and shook his head. "I don't care if he's the most dashing pirate-looking worker you can find though. I have zero interest. I have nothing against their occupation. I have nothing against those who seek them out," he commented looking Fletcher up and down without judgment. "It just never will be for me. Too many books or something." Theo snorted softly feeling none of the mirth he was trying to portray.

He didn't bat an eye as Fletcher blundered his flustered way through discussing what he knew from secondhand versus personal experience. A small deeply buried secret part of him was smug over the knowledge that Fletcher didn't have firsthand experience. But, this he was quick to mentally smother and keep from getting any hopes up that it had anything to do with him. For all he knew it had to do with his husband and whatever vows or promises they made each other.

"I'll leave it up to you then. My only stipulation to you is that you ensure he understands no one else here is to get swept up in scandal. If he's feeling lonely he can go to town. We don't want Aneisha or one of the maids to end up tossed out as well and I know you will agree with me on that."

Theo bore the squinting without shying away at all. His face was as neutral and impassive as if the topic at hand was how unseasonably dry the winter was and it was the seventh time that day he'd heard it. "I haven't and I don't. But they are citizens of the town as well and their livelihoods and voices matter just as much as the next man or woman's. Or was your concern rather that I might be getting more fun than you? Because the answer is decidedly no I'm not."

His words shouldn't have sparked a tingle of warmth in his chest at Fletcher's protectiveness. It wasn't as if it was is literal job or anything after all. A part of him wanted to defend that he had managed to keep his sexuality to himself relatively well. But, he also knew when it came to his lead bodyguard, he was becoming very shaky on keeping his true feelings hidden. Niles had already caught them. Tiffany and Bertrand already knew. It was a mess. Fletcher was right. It was best to not let Theo be placed on a sacrificial altar of what if. 

He remained impassive as he processed Fletcher's counter suggestion. A gentleman of the night would certainly Know how to play a part and a good one would understand discretion. Additionally when it was all over and he was summarily fired, he'd very likely have a job to return to; a fact Theodore was relieved regarding given he would feel absolutely guilty over costing someone a job.

"If he consents and you trust his post-matter discretion regarding our involvement then the only issue I imagine is the cost. I highly doubt a guard's position equates to the same hourly wages of...other pursuits. That would be a rather large loss of income unless he can manage balancing supplemental work in the evening. Assuming of course that The Siren lacks client quotas of its...caretakers."

Had Theo been in a better mood he might have protested that his feelings for Fletcher had nothing to do with pirates and fantasies. However, he simply sighed and allowed the conversation to continue. While he could see how it pained Fletcher to consider a replacement for Ash, he also knew he had to gently push the matter. 

"Jack," he began softly, "I understand how difficult this is. And I understand it is a risk you don't want to take with someone else. However, if I might suggest there is a possibility that someone could be hired who...could fit the role we need played. Someone either known for such a lack of scruples or someone willing to be a co-conspirator. We just don't have the right staff to accomplish this currently...that is of course unless you want to send Dewey into the lioness den," he jested. 

Dark sadness deflated Theodore's shoulders and smothered the light in his eyes. While he had not grown as close to Ash as he was to Fletcher, the loss still deeply grieved him. "Some people just find that attractive," he commented quietly without thinking.

Fletcher blaming himself however did bring Theo's inner fire back to life. "None of that was your fault!" He exclaimed not for the first time. "I was the one that started the bar brawl AND the tantrum in the marketplace. I was the one that set it all ablaze. You just keep being left with the pieces to pick up and try and make sense of. I don't want that to be the case here. I want to work with you not against you, and not just do things myself."

Theo looked over at Fletcher, the corner of his lip caught between his teeth as he hesitated. "...have you still not found a replacement for Ashley yet?"

Theo looked to him, his entire expression disbelieving what Fletcher said before sinking into sorrow. Were Theo's blinders really the best anyone had ever treated his bodyguard? Was the man just so happy to have something that he'd accept anything without realizing or acknowledging, perhaps even defending how much the nobleman kept making things harder, more complicated, and worse for him at every turn.

He felt it best to not comment further. "And you said you did not wish to be alone with her nor proceed in this manner. Therefore, we need a different plan. Do you think she actually has someone? Or was she just trying to undermine me? The other question is how badly do we wish to destroy her and her reputation. Because we could utterly destroy her but it would leave her with no future or prospects most likely."

He started to shake his head and opened his mouth to brush it aside and then stopped. There was a pause as he failed to immediately answer and then when he did it was spoken very calmly and softly.

"I feel guilty for how I've treated you and how I continually blunder into upsetting you. It is not your problem to fix or manage though and I don't want you to worry too much on it. I will sort myself out, I promise."

Theo sighed and motioned for Fletcher to sit if he wanted. "What would you have done if she had been common? Perhaps we can start there."

Theo startled as Fletcher knelt down into view and jerked the wood back he had been trying to set to flame. Sheepishly he nodded his head and signed 'yes,' as if speaking would draw more attention to his embarrassing attempts.

He moved back to sit in his chair, his face looking far more grey and drawn than when he'd been covered in aging cobwebs and dust. "Do you have any thoughts or suggestions on the matter? I'm afraid I still don't know exactly what to do. I'm afraid of making things worse or putting you at greater risk again. I am sorry by the way I left you two alone. I never considered she'd be so...slimy."

Ensconced in the safety of the bathing chamber where the likelihood of being perceived was next to none. He braced himself on the basin before the mirror and took in the sorry sight of him. Cobwebs and dust coated his hair, his face, his brows, his clothes. There was not an inch of him not covered in grime and for a moment he had to laugh hollowly at it all.

Theo remembered standing in front of the mirror and a pretty future Baron staring back. Yet, the vagabond before him felt more true to himself. Is this how it would have been if he and Elijah had been successful all those years ago in running away? Dirty, weary, but happy? Would he have truly been happy? He had thought then that he was but he hadn't know Fletcher back then.

"Oh Jack," he sighed softly while turning on the water to the tub and beginning to wash up. "What am I doing to you?"

It was as he knelt in front of the tub though to wash his hair that a memory resurfaced. Ice crept down his spine and suddenly he realized what may have upset Fletcher so much. The last time he had knelt at this tub or had his hair washed over it was that awful, soul-wrenching night. And as far as he could remember, Fletcher hadn't been back in this room since.

Tears welled in his eyes. Theodore felt sick with guilt and disgust. How could he have been so foolish and callous? How could he have cracked jokes so thoughtlessly? How did Fletcher keep managing to come back after each sting? Was that why he drank? Was Theo driving him mad with everything? Was this a regular occurrence? How long had it been going on for before Theo saw?

He hastened with scrubbing up and changed even faster before giving a gentle knock to the door. "All good, Jack." Theo kept his back to the door, too afraid to face Fletcher lest he attempt to fly into his arms and embrace him again. Instead he focused his efforts on very poorly attempting to stoke the fire and add more wood to it as if he could transfer the flames of his affection or burn them away.