Two rule breakers walk into a tavern... [Icy]

[quaggan]

 "What in the name of all that's fancy is THIS?!"

Vesyll rolled her eyes, already used to her sidekick's outburst, and slowly slipping from frustration into acceptance. "This is a dress, Ria, and I'm surprised you can't tell, with your fashion prowess."

"This is not a dress!" the boy floundered, almost frothing at the mouth. "What's wrong with this cut?! It hasn't been in fashion for years! And those ruffles look like pressed paper! Who's been ironing them?"

The gnome allowed herself a chuckle over his oblivious nature and decided not to remain a part of the audience for now - she was getting hungry, and it wasn't like Ria would get angry at her. "Well, I'll better stand in queue before they run out of goldflower salad. Want me to get something for you too?"

"No, my complexion might be affected by ill-chosen diet" the boy refused, turning his attention back to the object of his bafflement.

[Icy]

"Uhm, are you talking to me!?" The short pale girl asked with a huff as she flipped her well maintained, butt-length golden locks over her shoulder, a tuft of her short bangs hanging menacingly between her purple eyes.

Carrying a tray of whatever slop the first years were served, she stomped over to the half-elf in her wedged sandals adorned with gems, darkening in shades of green along the wide, v-shaped strap until they reached the 'thong' of the strap, where a larger cut emerald sat.

Ruffling her bright yellow dress with white ruffles cascading beneath to stop above her ankles, giving her hips an artificial boost, the girl certainly stood out as she scoffed at Rianharr. "I'll have you know that this dress was crafted by the finest magical gown weaver in Kia's Court!? Not that someone with your tastes could discern that, you poor, decrepit thing," The quarter-elf chortled condescendingly as a white gloved hand rose to cover her mouth.

Staring down her nose at him with increasingly cloudy purple eyes, the thirteen year old's tone took a turn for the darker. "On your knees. Apologize, if you don't want to be thrown out of this Academy like the pig you are, covered in his own food and spittle."

[quaggan]

 Oh, it was on.

He could forgive the poor unfashionable child for failing to understand to whom his words were directed - they were in the middle of a busy Wyrdwood cafeteria after all, a host to a babel of voices that only went quiet in the hours after its closing. He could forgive her for besmirching the honour of Arca's finest - the weaver in question never answered his ardent pleas and therefore he owed her nothing. He could also forgive being called decrepit as well - she looked quite young, and Ria remembered that when he was her age, anyone past puberty was an ancient coot who could probably recall the times when this hill yet belonged to the empire of Essyrn. He could even forgive this weird demand - being a worldly and knowledgeable boy, he was aware of some stranger inclinations that might cause people to enjoy such treatment - and while he didn't count himself among those, he was tolerant enough to turn a blind eye to a small mistake.

But he could not forgive the silly command that he knelt. Even if the floor of the cafeteria was clean and pristine - and it wasn't, despite the best efforts of the Neat Freak Club who spent most of their free time trying to bind common household spirits into the confusing web of Wyrdwood enchantments - he would not put any weight on his robe, out of concern for the precious Yoreiqi batique. The idea of simply pulling the skirt up and kneeling on his knees alone didn't occur to him.

"Nonsense!" he shouted, throwing his arms up into the air and almost invading the personal space of another student. "As if I would ever dirty my new robe by kneeling!"

[Icy]

The noble's eyes narrowed further as he declined to follow her orders. "Nonsense? But you've already dirtied your robe, knife-ears," She said in a mock-astonished tone. Also, knife-ears? Saria had those, too...

"Don't believe me? Look up," She pointed upward with her free index finger, and assuming that he took the moment to do so or even if he didn't, she tipped her tray over and allowed the bowl of slop sitting on it to fall off and, if Ria was unable to dodge it, it went all over his new robe!

With the smuggest, most condescending shit-eating grin she could muster, Saria chortled, "Maybe you should pay more attention to how you eat next time, knife-ears." With the floodgates open, Saria laughed obnoxiously, brushing her hair behind her own pointed ear as she turned her back to Ria and began to walk away, satisfied with herself.

[quaggan]

 Knife ears? What in the name of all that's stylish was she talking about?... oh right. Ria's face brightened, the scowl of confusion quickly disappearing. She must mean his lovely obsidian earrings, shaped like two asymmetric daggers. It was quite nice of the girl to notice, but there was just one problem with this whole situation: Ria was not wearing them right now.

Just in case, he reached up to touch his ears and make sure he was wearing the right pair. His fingers quickly found the bunch of pearls arranged into the shape of grape clusters. "Well, while I appreciate your interest in my jewelry, I'm not wearing the knife pair today" he announced proudly, . If missing the point gave magical powers, one Rianharr Thalance would be an archmage already.

While he was feeling good for himself, he felt a strange warm wet sensation. Although at first his mind went where every teenage boy's mind would, the temperature quickly made him realize that he did not just humiliate himself in front of all the students. No, the truth was far more terrifying than this. He was almost too afraid to look down but he did, staring with horror at his precious batique robe soaked with soup of the day.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" he cried, flinging one arm across his face as if averting his eyes from the tragedy would make it disappear. His drama queen instinct urged him to fall to his knees as well, but that would only make things worse.

[Icy]

When Ria realized what had happened, Saria turned back around to look at him. Covering her mouth with both hands, she giggled madly until she was unable to hold it in any longer, doubling over in laughter. "You didn't just spill a little on--hahahah!!-- on your robe, you threw up all over it! Everyone, this dummy just threw up!" She pointed and laughed at him in the hope that others would join in.

"OHhh- oh my goodness, you're going to make me soil my dress!" With a cruel smirk, she stepped closer to him and whispered, "See now why you don't wanna mess with me, the great Saria Colton? I hear one more pip out of you about my dress and I'll ruin your life, and your terrible clothes, even more! Should have just gotten on your knees like I told you to," She crossed her arms over her chest, very pleased with the way things have gone.

[quaggan]

 A more cunning and focused person would have been able to appreciate the quickness of Sariandi's mind and the way she was able to take advantage of their surroundings. Any kid could come up with staining someone's robes with soup, but blaming it on the victim was a step not everyone would think of taking. However, praising the villain who ruined his robe or calmly assessing the situation was far beyond Ria's capabilities now.

Lost in despair, the boy threw his arm into the air in a dramatic arc that jostled an elf passing by. "HEY!" he shouted angrily as the contents of his tray sailed into the air, ending on the leg of a well-built woman that probably had some orc ancestry. The poor elf had but a second to whisper 'oh shit' before his face was smashed into a pie.

[Icy]

And that was the spark that ignited a battlet hat would be talked about in whispers until the next big event occurred. At first, only the other troublemakers joined in, tossing softer fruits, potatoes, soup, and all manner of food at unsuspecting innocents, who then joined in to get revenge on their assailants.

Saria watched as it all unfolded, dying in laughter especially as Ria took a pie to the face, soon being brought to her knees as she was simply unable to stand. Rather than sadistic, mocking laughter, the girl seemed to find it all truly hilarious! Snorting laughter came out nonstop until she was left unable to breathe, rolling around on the floor with her legs kicking in the air. She didn't even care that her dress was being dirtied!

That was, until a girl came up to her and poured strawberry jam all over her hair, face and dress.

Literally seeing red, the noble's daughter immediately stopped laughing, stood up, and slapped the girl who had done it all in good fun right across the face, which she didn't take kindly to. Locking arms with one another, they pulled at each others' hair, pulled on their clothes, and exchanged punches. A similar scene was developing around them in fact, with students pissed off at one another for various reasons, all involving food.

[quaggan]

 That was not going well. Ria wanted to mourn his robe properly, but all this food flying around and shouting intruding in his ears really distracted him from his solemn sorrow. Had the student body of Wyrdwood no respect for fashion? Well, this was a bit of a rhetorical question, one that he could answer without even thinking about it.

With no way to achieve his immediate objective, it was time to look back at the greater picture - and it was clear to him. While his poor robe could neither be saved nor mourned, there was still hope for others. He should use it as an opportunity.

His first target was a dwarven girl wearing the most terrible hat Ria has ever seen - and it was quite an achievement, considering that he saw pretty much every iteration of Vesyll's fez. He grabbed the monstrosity and pushed it into the greasiest salad he could find. He was doing her a favour, really. It looked like her head was transforming into something out of Monster Mash.