"No, I--I know." She twisted her fingers together in her lap. "I mean...I'll be honest, I was furious with you about it for a while, but mostly just because...I was worried about you. If I were in your place--well, I wouldn't have wanted to go out keeping something like that a secret either."
She took a careful breath. "I...care about you a lot, Fell. You're one of my best friends, but I...I've never really thought about this before. About...you. Like that." She cleared her throat. "I actually--I made a point not to think about it. For a long time. For...always, really. Because if I let myself feel l-like that about someone and things went wrong It..." She swallowed sharply, eyes starting to prickle. "I couldn't let myself think about that sort of thing, with the curse. I don't think...I couldn't stand to have kids just to watch them--"
She had to cut herself off, turning her face away and trying to steady her breathing. She knew this probably wasn't what Fell had been considering when he delivered his confession--in fact, it wasn't what most Ulfars thought about. They couldn't afford to; they had to marry young, to bear pups young, just to keep the pack alive.
But...for her, and people like her, like Raelta... How could they not think about it? About outliving not only their partner, but their children? Until a week ago, that had simply been their reality. It would take a while before she could even broach that idea in her mind without it tangling up in grief and confusion.
