At Least They're Not Apples

[Zero]

Tesha couldn't help but grin at her friend. It was obvious how much Kenneth looked up to his aunt, and even she could admit the woman was rather awe-inspiring. Rowan had been a great Shadow Ranger, perhaps one of the greatest female rangers ever, but she had given it up to be a Dark Mother. Young and impulsive as Tesha was, she couldn't imagine the difficulty of reaching such a decision, or why the woman had done it. After all, she wasn't a mother and couldn't possibly understand the depth of a mother's choice in such a matter.

"Your aunt is pretty spectacular. I hope I can be as great as her someday." She sighed, wondering if she would someday measure up to the great female rangers like Rowan. For now she'd just have to content herself with small leaps and bounds in the right direction. "I don't know, actually. Father doesn't talk about stuff like that much. Maybe you should ask him. I bet he'd tell you if he was already here, but I doubt he would know your aunt's reasons. You know my dad, he doesn't much care to pry into other people's business."

[GoblinFae]

"Oh you will," he declared earnestly with a boyish grin of surety. "But do you really think it wise to ask him? I mean is that really something he would talk about or would he think it gossip? I just...it's just that she's just so," Kenneth looked from side to side nervously before dropping his voice to a nearly imperceptible whisper "scary."

[Zero]

Tesha swelled with pride, just a little, when he was so quick to assure her that she would definitely be as great as his aunt someday. She took that as very high praise. It always made her feel warm and stupidly happy when Kenneth showed such confidence in her abilities. Rather than have a goofy grin plastered across her face, she managed to keep a much more dignified smirk on her lips.

"Your aunt is amazing, not scary. At least I don't think she's scary. And if you're too chicken to ask my father, then I guess you'll never know!" She taunted playfully.

[GoblinFae]

Kenneth pouted and skulked at her taunting before turning to her with the most puppy-dog like look he could manage. "You mean you won't ask for me? He likes you better than me Tessie. He would answer anything for you. Please," he begged, clasping his hands together hopefully. "For me?"

[Zero]

"Oh no, don't even start that." Tesha scowled, giving Kenneth's puppy-dog face a bit of a glare. It was hard to resist when he looked so adorable. Still, she didn't know what he expected from her, and she snorted. "Besides, are you talking about my dad? I mean, he's my dad so yeah, he likes me better, but my dad doesn't talk to anybody about anything. So the idea that he would answer anything for me is just dumb."

Why didn't he just ask Rowan? That was where the best answer would come from if he was going to get any answer at all. "I don't think mom can even pry information out of dad when he doesn't want to share it. Well, maybe...I don't know. My mother is pretty stubborn when she wants something."

[GoblinFae]

"But Tesha," he whined, making his lower lip stick out as he did. "Actually you're right! Your mom is the perfect person to ask. She can wheedle anything out of anyone. I swear if she didn't become a Dark Mother she would have made an excellent strategist and interrogator. Or diplomat, hell your mother is good at it all. She's brilliant! Must be a woman thing. I mean you, your mom, my Aunt Rowan, all brilliant women!"

[Zero]

Tesha silently pondered if maybe Kenneth had lost his mind. Oh sure, her mother was a right pain in the ass, but strategist? interrogator? diplomat? Yeah right! Her mother was good at nagging. Hardly something Tesha thought was worth taking pride in. Then again, her relationship with her mother had always been strained. They were so different.

Actually, Tesha was far more like her mother than she even realized. They were both incredibly stubborn and strong-willed, but the similarities didn't end there. The young ranger would never acknowledge that she had anything in common with her mother, and she didn't see the resemblance, so pointing it out would get someone nowhere.

"Good luck with that. If it's to be asking mom, then you do it. She likes you better." Tesha threw back at him with a bit of snark. Her mother always got on her nerves and they argued constantly. Constance, however, adored Kenneth. Indeed, her mother had made rather suggestive comments about how wonderful Kenneth was on many occasions when her dear friend wasn't around.

As if she needed her mother to tell her what she already knew. That alone galled her. Maybe that was why she couldn't bring herself to tell him how she really felt about him. The idea that it would make her mother just so happy and smug was unbearable.

[GoblinFae]

Kenneth scoffed and rolled his eyes at his dearest friend. "Oh come on now Tesha, don't be like that. Your mother loves you! She only wants what's best for her little girl and that doesn't exactly match what you think is best for you. I'm sure if I had a mom she would do the same thing to me. Don't be so hard on her or yourself. Not everyone is as fortunate as you are to have such amazing and supportive parents in addition to the fabulous Dizzy the mink," he added teasingly, waving his hands to point out the adorable little shadow shade.

"Maybe I will ask her though. Think she'd make dinner for me too?"

[Zero]

Wrong thing to say. The frigid glare that Tesha leveled at Kenneth would have frozen him solid if there was any justice in the world. She expected the "what's best for you" argument from her mother. But to hear Kenneth say something like that, and it didn't exactly sound like he was defending her decision to go against her mother's wishes. More like siding with her mother, is what it sounded like to her.

"Bullshit! I have an older brother. Wanna know how many times she's nagged him about giving her grandchildren? Never! Not once! Maybe you agree with her. Maybe, heaven forbid, someone I thought was my best friend thinks that I need to be tucked away in a dark corner somewhere "safe" with a baby on each hip for the rest of my days."

[GoblinFae]

"I did not say that," Kenneth growled back, his lips pressing into a tight line. If there was one thing he hated it was someone made assumptions about him or his thoughts. "What I'm saying is at least you have someone in your life who gives a damn what happens to you Tesha! I grew up with most of my life just being some little lost boy who has some woman who claims to be an Aunt he's never even heard of show up at the orphanage that he's called home and become resigned to being for the rest of his life to be dragged off to some underground place with people that laugh at him for being different and where he never feels he fits in. Rowan may have been a great warrior in her time and I am immensely proud to know her because of it but she's hardly the most loving and comforting woman in the world.

"So do I think you should be locked away with babes on your hips? No! Frankly I think you're better suited in the field because at least you're happier there and you're good at what you do. And NO don't you dare start saying I think you wouldn't make a fine mother. But that is for you to choose and it's not any more my business than it is hers. So don't you dare go putting words in my mouth Tesha Nallvir because at least you have something I never will!"

Chest heaving and cheeks burning as hot as his heart ached, Kenneth yanked his hood up to hide his face and the angry tears that threatened to fall. He knew he was "soft" and did not fit in here. But like an uneven jigsaw piece he had been made to fit and he was doing the best he could with the lot he had been given in life. It may hurt her to think he would side with her mother but it hurt him even more that she could resent something he craved so deeply. If he could he would run, if he knew where he was he would blink out of existence, burying himself deep within shadow until he could slow his beating heart and push back the pain that had smashed against his inner walls. But he was incredibly lost and far from home. Instead, Kenneth was forced to try and storm ahead in order to get away from a woman who both infuriated him and sadden him. 'If she could only see,' he thought. 'If I could only make her see.'

[Zero]

Tesha was rigid and tight-lipped as Kenneth raged at her. She took the verbal assault without a single word. The expression on her face was hard and cold, but internally she was reeling a little. Friends for years, Kenneth was generally a quiet, sweet, soft-spoken man. It wasn't typical to see him genuinely angry, and she felt horrible because she was the one that had made him this upset. She'd hurt her friend because she was a hateful, bitter bitch, was the general consensus from her internal dialog.

Something he said hurt her too, though, and she felt tears sting at her eyes. Did he really think that there was nobody that gave a damn what happened to him? Tesha could think of several people that would be devastated if something happened to him. Herself chief among them, but her parents would be upset too, she knew that for sure. Constance was in the habit of mothering anyone and everyone that would let her, but her mother did have a particular soft spot for Kenneth. Tershal was a rather aloof and distant man, but she knew her father loved her very much, and he was fond of Kenneth, for being her friend and just because he thought he was a good man.

Did he not think his aunt gave a damn? Sure, nobody could ever claim that Rowan was an overly emotional woman, but like Tershal, that didn't mean she didn't care. Tesha couldn't claim to know for sure what went on in Rowan's mind or heart, but she was willing to take a guess that the woman must have some love for her nephew, after all, she'd went through the trouble of bringing him to the Clockwork City.

Kenneth finished his tirade, pulled up his hood, and stormed ahead of her. Part of Tesha wanted to stop him. She wanted to apologize, to hug him fiercely and call him an idiot for not seeing how much she cared, but she held herself back. He obviously wanted to be away from her, and she couldn't blame him. Hanging her head in shame she cried softly, putting her face in her hands before disappearing. She teleported as far as she could, then did it again. And again. And again.

She didn't care if she was getting closer or further from the city, she just wanted to hide her shame. The idea of Kenneth seeing her cry was unappealing, and if he wanted away from her then that was what he would get. No wonder he didn't notice the way she looked at him. Why would he want to? Tesha might have had a pretty face, she though dryly, but she was pretty damn ugly when you looked beyond the outside.

[GoblinFae]

He knew the moment she was gone. Kenneth could not explain why he did not have to look behind him to know but he just did and his heart wept for her absence. He tried to keep walking forward but he quickly stumbled as tears blinded him and he fell to his knees in shame.

His hands gripped the leaf litter and grass below him as if clinging to the earth would keep him from falling further while his entire body convulsed with the effort to contain his sobs. "Don't leave me," he whispered brokenly. "Not when I need someone most. Don't be like the rest, don't leave."

'I've driven away the only friend I've ever had. How could I be so stupid? So blind? Tesha! Please I-I love you. I need you Tesha, come back. Come back!'

Trying to reign in his tears, he called for his Shadow Spirit, sending Brennus off to find Tesha as he curled up against the base of a tree. "Make sure she's okay. I was stupid and cruel. I shouldn't have pushed and raged like that. Just look out for her okay? Now go," he urged, sending the bird winging up into the sky to try and find someone who did not wish to be found.

[Zero]

All the jostling had upset Dizzy, who had curled back up in his favorite spot - inside Kenneth's bag. Of course the Shadow Spirit could also sense the sudden, great distress of his Tesha. The first instinct of course was to go find his Shadow Ranger, but the small mink could also keenly feel the despair of the Shadow Ranger whose side he was by. So just as Brennus took off to find Tesha, Dizzy emerged from his hiding place to crawl and wiggle his way up so that he could curl up and snuggle under Kenneth's chin as the man lay curled beneath the base of the tree.

The little, fuzzy creature tried to be comforting. All the stressful emotions upset him. He didn't like for his Shadow Ranger to be worked up like this, and feeling it in Kenneth didn't help either. The Shadow Spirit's willingness to stay by Kenneth while his own ranger was away was a testament to the bond the two rangers shared. Hopefully he'd realize that while Tesha had left him there for the moment, part of her was still with him.

Tesha on the other hand, had managed to shift herself a good distance away, and now look around the forest with a frown. Running from a problem was never a solution, and it was cowardly to boot. She just couldn't stand the thought that Kenneth didn't want her there, and so she'd done the only thing that had come to her at the time. Now she regretted it immensely. How could she just leave him like that? Hadn't he gushed about how she always stood by him?

Tears were running down her cheeks, unchecked. She really had been too mean, even for her. How could she have not taken into consideration how he would feel about what she'd said? Maybe because it hadn't occurred to her that he might feel so alone in the world. That hurt too. Had she laughed like the others at his differences? Sure, she teased him about his clumsiness, but she hadn't thought herself malicious.

Tesha had embraced Kenneth completely when he had come to the Clockwork City. She'd never looked down on him for being born from outside the Vigil. Hadn't her family been warm and accepting of him? It wasn't the same, she guessed. He was right, he didn't have his own parents, but...Well maybe her family just wasn't enough. A sudden thought crushed her, maybe he just didn't want to be part of her family. She had loved him for a long time, had hoped maybe one day he would see that, and would see that her family was his family. Hell, her mother more or less claimed him already.

There was a large tree nearby and she climbed into it, finding a large enough branch and hugging her legs to her chest as she buried her face in her knees and cried. For a change she didn't even bother to hold back, letting out racking sobs as her whole body shook with her outpouring of emotion. Better to let it all out now so that she could face him again with a straight back and head up.

[GoblinFae]

Kenneth welcomed the gentle comfort as he reached up to pet the soft head and hold the little mink close. "I didn't mean to Dizzy. I didn't want to drive her away. She's just so special and smart and has so much going for her and I wish she could just see that! I would kill to have that kind if love and attention even if it is smothering. I know she thinks it's overbearing but still."

He rubbed his cheek against the Shade's head even kissing it as he showered the mink with affection and his own tears began to slow. "Thank you friend. I needed that," the ranger quietly told Dizzy and Tesha both knowing that if she desired to, she could be listening and watching in on them both.

Meanwhile Brennus had finally reached Tesha, to land on the branch in front of her. Tilting its head, Brennus trilled in a comforting way in hopes of making her feel better in a way that at the moment Kenneth could not.

[Zero]

Dizzy made the soft purring noises of contentment as he was pet and cuddled, hoping to soothe the upset ranger that held him. The Shadow Spirit listened and snuggled and purred, just trying to bring reassurance with his continued presence. Obviously Tesha was coming back if Dizzy was staying with him.

Tesha jerked her head up when she heard Brennus trilling at her. Hastily she rubbed her eyes on her sleeves, trying to cover up that she'd been crying so much. She didn't even know how long the bird had been there, she hadn't heard him approach or land, oh shadows, what if Kenneth had seen and heard her like that? The last thing she needed was for him to know she'd been bawling like a baby.

It was impossible to hide the red, puffy tell to her eyes, but the young ranger did her best as she reached out and lightly brushed her fingers against his feathers. The temptation to look and listen through Dizzy had been there, but she ignored it. Kenneth wouldn't want her attention right now. He'd wanted to be away from her. Though as she looked at Brennus Tesha knew that it wasn't really true. If Kenneth hadn't have sent the Shadow Spirit after her, he wouldn't be there.

Running off had been the wrong thing, but she couldn't change what was done. All Tesha could do now was try to make up for it. It took her several more minutes to compose herself enough to climb down from the tree, but once she did, she called softly to Brennus and patted her shoulder inviting him to come so they could go back to Kenneth together. Once the bird was settled she stroked his feathers lovingly a few times, wishing instead she was offering the comforting touch to a certain ranger.

It took several teleports to get close enough to where she had left, but when Brennus left her shoulder, she followed him to Kenneth, who was still huddled at the base of a tree, petting her mink spirit. Dizzy scrambled out of the way when his ranger appeared, because he might have been squished otherwise. Tesha practically fell into Kenneth's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him fiercely.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad at me. When I thought you didn't want me here I couldn't stand it so I ran away. I know you don't think like that. You never have. I was just being angry and stupid. Please say you forgive me." The words came out as a rushed whispering plea, but she couldn't trust her voice any louder than that, she was afraid it would break and that she'd cry again. She couldn't stand the thought of him mad at her, though.

[GoblinFae]

Brennus gently nibbled on the tip of her ear before flying off to join Dizzy in Tesha's wake. While both the Shadow Spirits knew what was coming, Kenneth was caught completely off guard as his friend plopped herself down in his lap.

Instinctively his hands moved to encircle her waist as if they belonged there and Kenneth found himself grateful for his raised hood as it mostly hid his own blotchy face and fish out if water expression. His eyes bulged and his lips opened and closed for several long moments while Tesha chattered on and on, breaking this heart with guilt with every word she uttered.

Without a word he pulled her close, reveling in the feeling of embracing someone even as he whispered into her ear. "Nothing to forgive." Kenneth gave her an extra squeeze, his lips brushing her cheek like butterfly wings as he finally and reluctantly pulled away. "Do you forgive me?" Came his own hoarse question as his hood fell back, revealing his own equally puffy and red eyes.

[Zero]

Tesha had thought all this time that Kenneth was angry. Had been quite sure of it. The feel of his hands around her waist, and of being pulled close in a warm embrace practically had her melting into him, though at the same time somehow her arms became tighter around him. This wasn't the behavior of someone angry at her, not at all. Her body actually trembled with her sense of relief at not being rejected by him. She had honestly been afraid he'd push her away.

The hoarse quality to his voice about had her burst into tears again as he squeezed her and she felt the feather-light touch of his lips against her cheek. She didn't want him to pull away, but reluctantly she lifted her red eyes to his face and saw the soft glisten of his tear-stained face, causing her heart to sink. Not only had she made him angry with her, then she'd turned right around and made him cry on top of it. Tesha didn't think she had ever felt so low and unworthy in her life.

Tilting her face up and leaning in she softly placed an apologetic kiss on each of his cheeks, the salty taste of his sorrow staining her lips. Pulling her arms back from around his neck she moved a hand to each of his cheeks and used her thumbs to gently wipe away his remaining tears. "There is something to forgive. I never want to be the cause of tears of pain. I never meant to make you cry." Her voice broke slightly then, eyes beginning to glisten with moisture. "I feel like such a horrible person."

[GoblinFae]

The ranger shivered lightly under her gentle touches, feeling quite small and childlike as she wiped away his burning tears. "You didn't," he tried to say, as he choked back further tears. He hated knowing how horrible she felt. They both were suffering from hurting each other and only seemed to be stuck in a cycle of being upset at making the other upset.

"I just got something in my eyes," Kenneth continued with a crooked smile. "No need to worry. Just some pollen or something. You're okay though? You didn't run into trouble while we were separated?"

[Zero]

The lie was more than obvious and Tesha frowned at the owner of the lap she was currently seated rather comfortably on. They both seemed to be on the brink of breaking down again. She could see it in his eyes, despite the crooked smile he forced for her. "Yes I did, Kenny. I don't need you to protect me with lies. I just need you to forgive me."

She leaned into him, pressing their bodies close as she hugged him again, arms moving back around his neck. "And I'm fine. We weren't even apart that long. Even if I had run into trouble, you know very well I could handle it." She admonished him lightly, trying not to provoke anymore anger or tears. There had been quite enough of both for one day.

[GoblinFae]

"I already did," he sighed, hugging her tightly while trying to convince himself that it was only because he was trying to offer his best friend comfort and not because he could not bear the thought of letting her go.

Kenneth chuckled softly, allowing the shake of his head to bury his face more against her neck without shame. "Far better than I too," he admitted. "Do you...do you think we should stop for the night Tesha? I mean I'm not exactly sure how well Brennus can navigate once it's dark." It was an excuse but in the same breath it was an olive branch to the woman, as Kenneth probably knew better than most how much the half-elf loved to be out of doors. One more night away from home certainly was not going to be the death of them.