Latent Dream (Summervale) [Cramler] [M]

[GoblinFae]

The door opened for him and Theo got up to lock down his room and draw the curtains before entering. With Fletcher washing his face he was unsure with how upset the man still was with him but decided to be a bit brave. He stepped up close and gave him a gentle hug from behind. 

"I missed you," he said truthfully. "Did you have a good time?"

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher did a clumsy and hasty job of drying off. He turned around in Theo's arms — a difficult maneuver even when sober — and leaned back on the wash stand as he considered the man. With so much booze in his system, though, he couldn't stay guarded for long, and the loving smile he reserved for Theo crept back across his features. The nobleman grew closer. Or maybe Fletch did. He wasn't sure. He only knew that the presence of him awoke that same fire all over again and shoved all hurt and frustration aside. "Fancy meeting you here," he said, and returned the embrace with a kiss that betrayed just how much he'd been wanting the man. He ignored the question. They'd get to that later. "So, Pretty Boy," he breathed. "What're you here for tonight?"

[GoblinFae]

He attempted to slip his hand into Fletcher's and interlock their fingers. "I told you, I missed you." Theo swallowed thickly, his smile wobbling some with anxiety. "I can go if you want. I just noticed you come home and wanted to greet you. If you're tired or not in the mood, that's okay. Just glad you're safely back."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher frowned. He drew back and pulled his hand from Theo's and then grasped him by the shoulders. "Theo. Theo, Theo, Theo. No. Hey. Look at me. Look at me, gorgeous. I wasn't with anyone." His expression sank even further as he pulled his shirt aside, exposing his neck and shoulder. "All I've done is splash my face. So you come here and tell me you smell a woman on me, love. Because there hasn't been one. I just went for a drink and Yule stuff. That's all. Go look in the second drawer if you don't believe me."

[GoblinFae]

His hand fell limply to his side at what he first thought was rejection but then Fletcher was tearing his shirt aside and the man was left deeply confused. He furrowed his brow and shook his head quickly, his own hands coming up to rest on his lover's chest. 

"Jack, no. It's okay. I don't need you to prove your word. It's a bit much to need to smell a woman on you or rifle through your things don't you think? You said you haven't and I believe you. And again...it's alright if you do. I get it. But that being said...would you like some attention, my heart? Get your nobleman on his knees for you?"

[Nightcrawler]

"'S not. 'S not too much. Really. Whatever it takes. Last thing I want to do is hurt you, love." He let his collar go, but it was clear now that he was in a barely-contained panic. "Sometimes I see it: you don't believe me. Or you say you do and I know you don't. So whatever it takes."

Fletch looked even more alarmed at the offer, but stumbled over what the right words were to say. "Not like this. Not when there's this thing hanging over us and you're hurting. I'll hold you and I'll love on you, but I'm not taking advantage. It's like you said with Neal: last thing you wanted was for me to do that, right? Well you don't need to do this to keep me around. Even tipsy I can tell you're not in it for the right reasons."

[GoblinFae]

Theo took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Come sit down and I'll hold you and we can talk some. How does that sound?"

He pressed his forehead against Fletcher's for a moment before offering a hand out to him to take as he took a step back towards the bed. "Thank you for being considerate of me. I just want...to take care of and nurture you back. You always seem to be the one stuck drying my tears. Sorry."

[Nightcrawler]

"Yeah, 'n I'm the bastard man who makes you cry, so..." Fletch followed without question, not the most graceful man he'd ever been by far as he stumbled forward and rolled onto the bed, pulling Theo down with him. He didn't wrap the man up in a tight embrace as he usually did, but remained far enough away from him to gaze at him. It was a mournful gaze. A troubled one. Theo's offer had seemed to do the opposite of what he'd intended it to.

"Love...I'm not in the business of comparing who I've been with. So don't take this that way, alright? But..."

Fletcher trailed off. He turned and shoved his face into the pillow and let out a heavy sigh and a few choice words before turning back so he could be read. "My husband went through it before I met him. Alright? The man before me was a son of a bitch. And Ven treated this sort of thing...a bit like you're doing now. Like a chore. An obligation. And that's never how it should be. That is never what I wanted from him, and it's never what I want from you. So whoever taught you that that's what you've got to do to keep a man...well. I've words for him, first of all. But second: he was wrong.

"What I want from you," he continued, a little softer and a little closer now, "Is for you to want it. And to want it for you. Not for me. You could offer me everything on a platter, love, and I'll not take it from you if it's coming from where this is."

[GoblinFae]

He collapsed into bed with him but leaned up on his elbow so to be on more equal lounging. "It's not like that at all to me, Jack. I don't consider it a chore or a way to keep you here or even as a means to apologize or manipulate you. I offered because I do want it. But I understand we're not in the best of moods currently either of us. Now's not the right time."

Theo slid one hand across the bed closer to Fletcher without touching. He craved the contact but felt like he was doing everything wrong. Everything was setting his anxiety on edge and none of it would be any semblance of better until they had a chance to talk. 

"I know you've been drinking—which is fine—but are you feeling able to talk about things right now? Or should we wait until you're less tipsy? Either is perfectly alright and I know this is not optimal timing especially when you wanted to talk earlier and I wasn't comfortable doing so at the time."

[Nightcrawler]

"Yeah. M' sorry, I had a bit more when I got back," he winced. "I just...I want yesterday. I want this feeling to go away and I want what we had yesterday. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm so tired of fighting, love. I want simple. Can it just be simple?"

[GoblinFae]

He sighed and sat up, reaching for Fletcher but stopping at the last minute. "May I touch?

"I don't think we're fighting. Or I definitely don't want to be. I just...I don't know what I keep doing wrong. I'm not trying to be problematic. And yes obviously we will have this conversation tomorrow or later. But I want simple too. I hope you know that."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch frowned, genuinely confused. "What you're doing wrong?" he repeated. He took Theo's hand and drew it towards him, brushing his lips against the man's fingers. "You know that's always going to be a yes."

[GoblinFae]

Theo rubbed his fingers against Fletcher's lips before shifting to pull the other man into his lap and begin finger combing his hair again. "Your yes now is allowed to be a no later. I am not the only one that needing consent from applies to."

He gently massaged the creases in his brow to help soothe Fletcher's features. The action also helped to delay and gather his thoughts before he was able to answer.

"I keep upsetting you when I'm not trying to cause conflict at all. I'm just bumbling through things when I'm not even trying to make things complicated."

[Nightcrawler]

He couldn't seem to relax into whatever it was Theo was doing. He just wasn't used to it. It was so foreign to him to be touched without expectation. It felt like danger, even though it was the farthest from danger he possibly could have been. His brow furrowed deeper with his own growing anxiety. "That's just life, though, isn't it?" he asked. "Where I come from, there's always someone trying to take your bread or insult your name to get ahead. There's always something to fight about, so I'm always ready for it. You forget that, don't you? You must've if you're making all this your fault."

Fletch reached up and tapped Theo lightly on the nose. "You're from here. I'm from there. We couldn't be more different. 'Course we're both stumbling in the dark. Be more strange if we didn't."

[GoblinFae]

"I forget. And I am unused to it. Spoiled brat and all that. I'm used to mind games and verbal chess games so I'm hesitant with what I say, what I share and have to think everything through before I allow myself the vulnerability. I try to be better than it. I try to be more communicative and clear to counter it. I try not to let things fester because I know firsthand how things explode. But, with you I don't know the insults I cause only see the aftermath. I feel like I just keep failing you because you're always tensed for a fight and I'm always ducking to avoid one."

He stopped his touching with how Fletcher started to look more concerned and bothered by it and instead rested his hands at his sides. "I'm sorry. You didn't want to have this conversation right now."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch grunted, and for a long time that was his only response. Then he rolled from Theo's embrace and sat up and leaned against the wall, arm up on one knee, regarding the man carefully. "And you think one too many times and I'll leave. Is that it?" he asked. He sighed and shook his head and scratched at his stubble. "And no matter what I tell you, you won't really believe it, right? Because when do you ever listen to what I tell you? But I'll say it anyway: you haven't even scratched the damned surface with anything you've done. You're the best thing that's happened to me, Theo. And I just told you this earlier today: you'll know it if you fuck up. You'll see it coming. This isn't that. Anyways, is this what it's going to be? The same conversation again and again because what I'm telling you doesn't sound like the lies you tell yourself?"

[GoblinFae]

"No," he replied sternly, crossing his legs and sitting up straighter across from him. "You said you won't leave. I believe you. I asked you to come back if you have to. I believe you will. I listen to you and I don't understand where you come from saying I don't. I repeat that I believe you. I repeat that I don't need you to demonstrate your truth, that saying it is enough for me."

He lowered his head and picked at his cuticles until his fingers began to bleed and yet still kept picking out of anxiety. "I lack self-worth. This you know. I fight very hard with it to allow your praise to drown it out but it isn't something that will suddenly fix itself overnight. You're not the first person to offer praise. You just will be the first to not hurt me with it. And on top of that I am..."

Theo rolled his neck side to side and shifted his seated position in discomfort. "I'm embarrassed," he admitted while staring at Fletcher's jaw instead of his eyes.

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch grimaced at the sight of the blood. "Stop that," he muttered. He leaned forward and grasped both of Theo's hands in his own. "Embarrassed? What's there to be embarrassed by?"

[GoblinFae]

Theo stopped his hands in Fletcher's grip but still squirmed a bit before finally giving up an answering. "I've never slept with anyone before, man or woman. I've never done any of this before beyond kissing. Last night...it was a first. I know you said you don't compare lovers and it's all so silly but I am...afraid and I don't know what I'm doing and no you won't leave but I don't know if I'll be enough and I don't want you resenting me or feeling trapped by me."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher squinted. He cocked his head like a dog trying to understand a new word. After a moment of that, he withdrew a hand and scratched his chin. "Never," he said. "Like never as in...oh. Ohhhhh." Elbow up on his knee again and chin balanced between his thumb and forefinger, he continued to process what he'd just heard. "That...yeah. No. Mmhm. That, erm...yeah. No. Everything makes so much sense now. I just didn't..."

He rubbed at the bridge of his nose and then dropped his hand and returned his attention to Theo. He was relieved. Strangely relieved. And much of the tension had left his face as a result of it. "I thought you just didn't have any interest. I thought, I don't know. I don't know what I thought. Certainly didn't think it was this, I can tell you that much."

Fletch took up Theo's other hand again. "I don't think I've ever been with a virgin. Maybe once, when I was fourteen or fifteen, and I didn't know it. But not where I've been aware of it. So in a way...I don't really know what I'm doing either, love. Which is maybe the least comforting thing I could tell you, honestly, but there you have it."

He squinted again as he worked his way up to a question. "So...so you do want to? You're just, what...is it scary? Is it the pain thing? Or...I mean...if it's just that you're worried you'll disappoint, I can assure you you won't. Really. I can promise you that."