Amongst These Fevered Steps [M] [Goblin]

[Juno]

Watching her tumble into the mud had him regretting pushing her, but she had been hurting him, too, so he wouldn't say it was unjustified. Her words only did to further confuse him, though, what with the way she kept going on about it being five weeks since he'd last turned up. Saying that he smelled and that he'd been with other women wasn't helping the situation either, and he just wasn't grasping why she was so upset with him. Then, she started throwing mud at him.

The first hit him right in the chest and even as he moved around he couldn't seem to find any spot she couldn't reach as she continued to scream at him, throwing even more claims in his face and he just didn't have any idea what he could say right now that would make a lick of sense to the both of them. As she stood he just watched how she slid around, thinking her quite ill-prepared for not having any armor or shoes or weapons besides those blasted daggers...but, then again, that was probably fantastic for him right now.

This was the last straw, though. She was saying she hated him, again, and he couldn't help but think it might really be true now. She wouldn't stop with the insults, though, and there was no inkling of a lost puppy in his eyes anymore as he stared her down. Fists at his sides and eyes narrowed against the rain and her, Caden had had quite enough by now.

Lunging for her and slipping along in the mud as he went, the demon tackled Tiraris and tried to do his best to keep her down. "I have no idea what you're talking about! I just woke up! I just-" Little things were coming back now, little reminders of his condition, of brief memories before he went out. For a few moments he was vulnerable, totally off-guard, and his expression had fallen. There had to be a reason she kept at it. Maybe she was exaggerating, but it would explain why he felt so weird when he'd woken up all the way up until now.

"I haven't been anywhere," he tried again. "There was the woman again...what was her name? I felt all...amazing inside, she gave me- And then it was different and I felt all weird and loopy and... Is it possible to sleep for...however long I've been away?" he offered, thinking the words ridiculous as soon as they'd left his mouth.

[GoblinFae]

His moment of weakness was her moment of strength. Small hands came up caked with mud to yank on his pristine violet locks of hair and force Caden underneath her. With all the training of her assassin days, Tiraris drove her knees down on top of his arms and wrapped her tensed fingers around his throat.

"You lying sack of shit!" she screeched, grabbing him up and slamming his head back down with a sticky plop. "You just woke up! You said you were not with a woman and now you say you were. Nor is this the first time you have seen her for you have just admitted that you saw her again."

Infuriated, Tiraris let go long enough to scoop up more mud and shove it over the demon's mouth and nose. "Oh I bet she was amazing! Just you wait Caden D'Andarce, I warned you before that I would castrate you. Consider now my cashing in. You are vile and disgusting! I cannot believe I let myself be trapped in by your lies. You are a monster!" Her fingers tightened further as she truly tried to choke him. It was an unexpected miracle that her rage was not amplifying and fueling her magic which lay peacefully dormant within her core.

[Juno]

By the time he realized what was happening it was far too late and he had an angry, red-haired, wild woman pulling on him and pinning him quite securely to the slick, sticky mud. All those little protests went entirely ignored as she pressed him in and latched onto his throat. When his head was slammed back down again he was dizzy and all he could do was frantically push at her wherever his hands could manage to reach. Those efforts even seemed fairly fruitless, though, as his mud-coated hands failed to grasp her time and time again.

"Tir, wait!" he pleaded wheezily before she was smearing mud along his face, the thick stuff getting into his nose making an already difficult job of breathing even harder as she continued to try and choke him. At this point his hair was effectively ruined for the day, a fact he would usually lament, but it was too far beyond saving at the moment and he had a livid woman still trying to kill him. An observation he found peculiar to note but would not have time to reflect upon until later, though, was that his right arm barely felt the crushing force of her upon it as his left did. Though, he supposed he should be thankful it did not sing with the pain it had before.

For all her cruel words and threats he felt his heart sinking even with the lack of oxygen in his body right now. Under her vice grip he was growing red-faced and could only splutter whenever he tried to bring in a, quite literally, strangled breath. He no longer cared that they were in the mud and was bucking wildly, trying anything he could to shake her or get her to loosen up. "-ir! PLEASE! -ust wait! I...-EXPLAIN!" he screamed, albeit weakly. Twisting and turning, he tried to throw her and he finally landed himself quite firmly on his healed side to immediately jumped back from her. Lifting a hand to press against his burning throat, he coughed against the pouring rain, struggling for a moment to regain his breath. "You're taking this all wrong!" he begged, violet eyes narrowed against the rainwater threatening to drip into them from his eyelashes.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris let out a cry of frustration as she was knocked to her side and Caden was scrambling away from her. Scuttling to a crouched position, she also tried to regroup. She eyed him warily, unsure of what to do as he began to plead with her. Nails dug into the tender flesh of her palm as she curled and unfurled her fingers in and out of fists.

"You have one minute to explain everything and I mean everything Caden D'Andarce. After which I will castrate you with my bare hands. Your minute begins now." As she spoke, Tiraris was trying to calm her anger long enough to listen. But, even her heart rebelled against her and demanded blood. 'He better have a damn good reason for leaving me like this and showing up like that. Otherwise I will not be responsible for my actions.'

[Juno]

Bringing in ragged breaths, he laid fairly motionless for what time he was afforded as she gathered herself and gave her final ultimatum that promised punishment whether or not he cooperated. He definitely didn't want to mess this up. Yet, he was still not entirely aware of everything that had happened and really could only speak for what his panicked mind could recall right now.

Still trying to get his breath, he ran a muddied hand over his neck and hair only to find himself thoroughly coated in the stuff. At least the rain would help with that, soaked as he already was, but he was going to try his best to tell her while still omitting the fact that he'd been injured so badly as well as what he remembered of her exchange with the stranger. "Look, all I remember is... That old woman from before...on the road? The one that warned us? She found me and helped me out the day I left; I was stuck out in the woods because I managed to fall and get myself hurt pretty bad. All she did was help me, gave me some stuff to ease the pain, I guess. And then..., and then I don't know what she put in it, but before I knew it I was out. I guess...I've been sleeping. Sleeping since then, and look, I know it doesn't sound very likely, but nothing else happened.

"I woke up to a damn dog in my face and I wanted to get back to you and apologize for what had happened. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'd been gone, I swear," he begged, finally able to get up to his knees. "If I had known... If I had been able to do anything about it, I would have. I'm sorry this happened." Honestly, he was still having a hard time grasping that he might have actually been asleep for five weeks. If he ever saw Heilwig again...she would have a lot of explaining to do.

[GoblinFae]

Images played through Tiraris' mind as she listened to Caden's recounting of the past five weeks. She remembered the crone from before and wondered what she said to him, if anything.

The assassin waited until he fell silent before adding her voice to the conversation. "You are lying to me Caden. I do not appreciate that. You fell? May I remind you that it is you who is constantly telling me that you are not fragile and that I am not capable of truly harming you. By this logic a fall could do nothing to you. If however, I was to believe this I can tell you right now that any herbs that would be used to heal you from a fall would not have the strength and potency to put an newborn infant to sleep let alone a full grown Neqa'el for five weeks!"

She shook her head, viewing him in disgust. "I am done with you," she finally exclaimed. Turning, Tiraris tried to rise to her feet only to sleep and fall back down in the mud. Again and again she would try to kept up only to eventually fall back down after a few steps. The last time she gave up and stayed down. The rain poured down harder, washing away the mud on her face and arms, but overall making her feel as grimy on the outside as she did on the inside. 'Gods above, why did I think he would be different?'

[Juno]

He winced for how effortlessly she saw through his lies, but he knew he deserved it. Still, he wasn't sure exactly how he was going to explain that, actually, he'd been in agonizing pain and unable to move because of it. Caden just sat and watched her with wide, sad eyes as she tried to leave, though. He reached a hand out to her as she kept falling back to the sticky mud sucking her up, and he tried to move closer after her.

How was he going to explain this, though? How was he going to tell her that she'd hurt him? How was he going to explain that he wasn't resentful, even? He didn't even want to know what she was going to do if she saw the scarring as he had before, dim as the lighting was with the rain coming down like that. Clambering up to a crouch, though, he made a quick decision that he hadn't wanted to make so soon, what with all the trouble he'd gone through to acquire clothing to cover himself. "You're smarter than me. You're right. It wasn't a fall... I'm sorry."

Caden hesitantly reached to unclasp the hook at the neck of the cloak, as if taking things off neatly would prevent them from being further saturated by the rainwater. Setting it aside, he reached behind himself to pull the stolen tunic up over his head, though he was slow about pulling his arms out of the protective cover of the longer sleeves. Finally bare-chested, though, he felt particularly vulnerable in a way he never had before as he straightened up his torso enough to look down at himself, to show her what he'd refused to the day of her outbursts.

Mud ran down from his hair, but he wasn't paying any attention to it anymore. He could only stare at her, eyes pleading that she would not be able to make out the worst of the jagged lines dancing across his skin. "She was helping with this," was all he said, pressing a hand into the mud to steady himself as he finally got back to his feet.

[GoblinFae]

Incensed that he was still trying to lie to her, Tiraris snatched up another fistful of mud and turned to pelt it at him. However, she froze the moment she caught sight of his bare chest and the scarring that lay upon it. The mudball fell from her hand with a dull splat. Everything in her mind became very still and quiet.

She stared in silence before rising to approach him. Every movement she made was slow as her eyes never left their target. At the last moment she slipped, landing on her knees before him. Tiraris made no move to rise. Her hand came up to gently run across the injuries like a lover's caress. Inch by tiny inch fingers moved up from side to chest.

'What happened? What did this?' played through her mind. 'This is no animal's doing. What could cause such damage? He always says he is so strong. If this is true, what manner of being could do this?' Her hand came to rest over his heart, fingers splayed. Something caught her eye, something clicked in her mind and she rose to her feet. Placing her hand again over his heart her other bumped against the scarring on his arm and then she understood what she was seeing.

The marks all branched out from where her hand rested, radiating from worse to better. 'This is where it started.' she thought as a flash of memory momentarily blinded her. The chasing after him, the touching him, the pain, she remembered it all now. 'This is my doing. My magic did this to him; I did this to him. I am the monster that nearly killed him and left him to die in the woods like some animal.'

Deadened inside, her hands dropped away from him uselessly. Shamed and guilty, Tiraris began to walk away. She could not bear to see the proof of her own incompetence any longer. Her arms came to wrap about her as she fought the accusing tears. The once stoic assassin was torn; one half of her demanded that she turn right back around and beg his forgiveness, to embrace him and never let go, while deep within the mask of what she had once became directed her to flee, to hide, to disappear and never return.

She had made it a total of three steps away from him before she broke down and started crying. Her legs refused to carry her further and the only pride she could take in the matter was the silence and stillness with which the damning tears came. 'I cannot go forward and yet, I cannot go back. Damn me! Damn my birth and damn the monster that I have become!'

[Juno]

Caden waited. He stood very still and just waited as she came back. He wasn't very sure of what her expression told him, for he was quite sure he hadn't seen her like this before. When she slipped and fell, he reached a hand down for her, but she wasn't making any move to stand so he just bowed his head and watched as her hands moved up along the scars.

Not quite sure what to say to her, he remained silent as she did what she would. Even as she stood up his eyes followed her, though, still unsure of what to think of how lost she seemed for a reaction to this. Perhaps, he hoped, she couldn't really see how much there was. Perhaps she wouldn't think it a big deal and they could just accept it had happened and move on with their lives. Perhaps she wouldn't even realize what had happened, but that, he knew, was a longshot. He hoped that she might forgive him for trying to keep it from her initially and understand that it didn't bother him, much as he knew he'd said very little about it yet. He hoped the most, though, that she would not reject him because of it.

He just stood there anticipating her saying something, anything. An unsure hand came up to touch her arm, but as soon as her hands dropped so did his own. Not a word had been said and he now was unsure if he'd made the right decision. His eyes followed her movements as she went away, the way she pulled her arms around herself. The idea that this might have deeply bothered her now entered the forefront of his thinking.

Thinking this all had offended Tiraris, the soaked shirt he still clutched tightly was pulled back on only to cover the expansive marks again before he followed. Stepping carefully through the mud did nothing for his footing as the saturated ground all around them had him constantly wobbling and faltering as he went along. She'd stopped quite abruptly, though, and so he was thankful for not having to go traipsing through the whole field after her.

Stopping directly behind her, he brought his hands up to hold her arms. It wasn't hesitant, but he also refused to hold tightly enough to hold her against her will right now. "Love," he tried at her ear, "Please, can we talk? Look, I'm sorry I lied, I shouldn't have done that, but please?"

[GoblinFae]

Her eyes slammed shut at the sound of his voice ringing in her ear. But, she could feel her resolve quickly ebbing away, weakening under his soft words and kind touch. "What is there to talk of? I hurt you, you lied to me. There is nothing to talk about. There is no trust left, no reason to continue. I am just going to keep hurting you and now I do not know if I can trust you. Now I will be forced to question your every statement for truth and lie just as you will probably judge my every action for a possible strike. It cannot go on like this Caden. Just let it lie, let it go, let it be done."

'How many times must I hear my heart break when I am with you? How many more times will it happen without you? Gods above Caden, I love you! But, still you drive me to the edge and back. How I must do the same to you a thousandfold. How you must despise me for it. My trust is as fragile as my control. It is better this way. It has to be. I cannot-I must not-but I will not!'

She emotionally threw his arms off her. What she had decided would be a step forward and away from him turned into a step to the side and towards him. She had to but look at him and her decision was obliterated by the pain in her heart. Tiraris let out a sobbing hiccup as she threw herself back into his arms. It did not matter now that this had happened before or that it was likely to happen again. It did not matter that her heart and mind were in conflict over the right choice. All that mattered was him and now. What she had decided could wait until later. For now she needed him, and him she would have.

[Juno]

He should have been furious. He should have been tearing into her for this, yet he did not and could not. Instead, her words got him tense and kept him frozen in place. What hope he'd had of this blowing over was crushed as she continued to cut into this already sore wound. Even amongst these raw, blunt rejections of him his face persisted in holding onto that look of a man so in love he could not bring himself to hate. Though his frown was deep and unmoving, his eyes held a mixture of fear, sadness and the sometimes slightly confusing love for her.

As much as he didn't want to just let this go now, he knew he had to. What happened when she turned around only did to pleasantly surprise him and, as he expected of himself, he found he could do nothing but bring his arms back around her. All that really mattered to him right now was comforting her and keeping her close.

Caden kept his arms tightly around her now, wrapping snugly to keep her close as he set his head atop hers. "Tiraris... I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, I'd thought it'd be easier if you didn't see it. I guess...I should've just told you when it happened, but I didn't want you to worry and I didn't want to upset you," he pleaded quietly, burrowing his messy face into her soaked hair.

[GoblinFae]

"Shh," Tiraris silenced quietly. "No more words. Not now Caden. Later we can talk. For now just hold onto the silence." Her tears began to subside as she just clung to him. There was peace and hope in his embrace, something she had been forgetting over the past two months since she started her lessons. She brought her hand up to card long fingers through Caden's hair. The way it tangled and clumped in her hands reminded her of how muddy and wet they both were.

Part of her was begging Tiraris not to let go of Caden, not for anything. The other part was telling her to try and fix their current state, that it might help them both settle down. 'I owe him this much. We both have been through so much. If what he says is true then he could use a rest.' Having made up her mind, she slowly began to walk them through the muddy field and into the trees. At last they came to part of the nearby stream that was not completely waterlogged with storm water. A natural dam had formed from a fallen tree that had fallen sometime during the heaviest part of the storm.

She brought them to a seat beside the water and just continued to cling to Caden in silence for a while. Taking a deep breath, she let him go and pushed him to lay back so that his head rested on the bank of the shore and his hair trailed out in the water. "Relax," she whispered, running her hand up across his chest and neck as she waded out into the water. Tiraris sat in the shallow water and began gently combing her fingers through his hands, lazily watching the clear water turn dark as the mud was washed out of his hair off her. She took great care in her work, not letting anything else distract her from the simple task.

"I could understand not telling me at the time, Caden," she finally spoke, breaking her silence. "But, I do not understand why you felt you had to lie to me about it later. I thought you trusted me." Her words were not accusing, but did express her vulnerability and her fear. They had hurt each other deeply, perhaps now they could heal, or at least that is what she hoped.

[Juno]

Thankful that she'd stopped screaming at him, Caden obeyed and continued to hold onto her. He honestly wasn't exactly sure what to make of this situation now: Was she mad? Was she serious about anything that she'd said? He hoped they could figure things out when things settled down more; making decisions after such a violent, charged outburst between them wasn't exactly his ideal right now. It seemed, though, that Tiraris was willing to let things calm down for now, and as she moved along and away back towards the woods he remained with her every step of the way.

The silence was at least better than getting more threats slung in his face, but he was more than a little surprised that she wanted him to sit down. Looking out at their surroundings, Caden was pleased to find that the trees along the stream shielded them enough so that they were receiving next to nothing compared to the pelting they'd gotten from the rain out in the open. He, too, remained silent, though. He was both content to not speak and slightly fearful of its outcome right now.

When she began pushing at him the demon just stared at her with questioning eyes before obliging this silent request and settling himself down along the bank. Tilting his head back to look up at her and just watch as she waded into the shallows, he frowned for a moment at the thought of her remaining so chilled in wet, mucky clothing. She seemed to only have one request, though, and a simple one at that, so he did his best to try and calm those racing thoughts swirling as well as his pounding heart.

Her ministrations were comforting enough, but just lying there only served to remind him of how muddied he was and how much it made his skin crawl. Reaching a hand out, he splashed a few lazy scoops of water over his face to try and get the worst of the grit from his eyes and nose while she spoke again. Shivering a little, he angled his head to the side a bit more now to look her properly in the eye as he tried to figure out how to word an acceptable answer when she'd reacted so violently not that long ago.

"I do trust you, Tiraris. I didn't think it should have been a priority for you right now with your training and all, so I thought it would have been best to wait until it was necessary to know. You shouldn't have to worry about me right now, I should be taking care of my own problems and, yet, here we are again." Averting his eyes now, Caden made a point of fiddling with his clothes, trying to feign that they bothered him somehow to bide some time.

"My judgment isn't the best," he continued, biting at his lip a bit as he still wondered if five weeks was an exaggeration or the painful truth even though he didn't like either, "And..., about being away... It all happened so quickly. I promise you I would have never chosen to stay away for that long."

Reaching out for her, trying to brush fingers against her arm, Caden turned over a bit so he might look at her properly; he needed to know, needed something for all the questions swirling around in his head. "Was it really five weeks? ...what's happened? Are you alright? How are you feeling with your...magic, now?" He tried to leave out his excitement over being this close already for this long and not, well, having a repeat of their last meeting yet. The hopeful side of him he'd been nurturing since meeting her wanted to celebrate this realization, but he could not know just yet how safe they truly were.

[GoblinFae]

"Caden, you and I are a team," she said softly, combing her fingers through his hair. "If you had been in my place and hurt me, would you not also want to know what you had done? Would you not also deem it very important? Caden if I had known I could have helped you. These woods are filled with flora that could have eased the pain and healed the damage. But, I guess you did not need me to figure that out."

Tiraris sighed tiredly, letting her hands fall and splash lightly in the water. "Come join me love. We should probably get the mud off." Slowly, as if each move could have a terrible consequence, the assassin rose up in the water and waded deeper. "It is warm from the rainfall we have been getting, I guess.

She stopped at last when water lapped at her waist. Her toes wiggled in the rocky bottom as she stared down at them over her crossed arms. She was feeling incredibly vulnerable and kept her back to the shore so she could briefly hide this weakness from Caden. "Aye, five weeks you have been gone. Perhaps I could not have provided you with as good of care. But, I would still like to think I would have worried less. Then again, I might have worried more knowing you were hurt and I could not help you. Quite a conundrum is it not?"

Tiraris chuckled bitterly, choosing to ignore his questions concerning the past five weeks. 'I may not lie to you Caden but I will not tell you what happened.' Then because she realized it had been so long since she had last said it she whispered, "I love you." Louder she continued, "I am sorry for being cruel earlier. I should have listened to you first. That was wrong of me. I am sorry."

[Juno]

She did have a point and a good one at that. How would he feel if he found she was keeping things from him? Horrible. Betrayed. Angry. Heartbroken. So, how could he have expected this to not happen with her? They definitely weren't going to make progress if he refused to change what he filtered to her. Really, he shouldn't have anything that went unsaid between them, but she was so different from everyone else. Tiraris deserved to know and the idea that she would have helped back then kicked a sick, churning feeling into gear in his gut for having excluded her then.

Nothing was ever just that simple, though. There had been the mage. There had been her magic, constantly crackling and rearing its head. Caden knew he could not have guaranteed his condition's improvement under those circumstances and under what resources she might have been able to accumulate. Would he have died? Would he have been worse off than now or better or the same? One could not tell, really, and anything at this point would have been pure speculation, but he felt guilty for knowing he had not allowed her a chance.

At her beckoning he sat up slowly and shook his right arm a bit, still surprised by the odd sense of touch it left him with no matter what he'd tried thus far. Standing as he watched her wade out, the demon pondered the likelihood of her getting angry again and trying to drown him but, ultimately, decided the desire to be close with her now even after the encounter they'd just had would override everything right about now. Following her out, he brought himself to a stop directly behind her and to the left a little as he listened to her speak, words hinting at worries he had not been made aware that she'd had before. The edge to that laughter wasn't missed, however.

With strained, weary eyes he leaned closer little by little. Finally setting his head gently upon her shoulder, he brought his hands up to hold her arm and pull at her shirt for emphasis. "Mud," he reminded her before slipping his arm around her middle to bring himself nearer. Not really realizing the emotion she wore on her face, Caden nestled his head against her to place a kiss at the bend where neck and shoulder met. Despite their dirtied, soaked clothes and the fact that they were standing quite thoroughly in the stream, he was determined to not have her feeling any worse than she'd already expressed just a short time ago.

"It would be wrong and hypocritical of me to hold a grudge, you know, so I'm not going to," he told her, keeping his voice low at her ear. It wasn't lost on him that she'd gone around some of his questions, but he wasn't going to bother her about it when he thought he had a more favorable situation within reach right now.

"Why don't we wash our hands of this?" he asked with a cheeky little smile for its double meaning. "We need a bath, and this water is perfect as perfect can get right now."

Bringing the hand at her arm down to scoop up a handful of water, though, his smile widened at the thought that had just occurred to him. "You know, it would probably be easier if we washed our clothes separately," he suggested while watching water droplets falling through his fingers.

[GoblinFae]

For a moment she thought things would be calm and just blow by. But, Caden being himself was not about to give up such an opportunity. 'Is that all he ever thinks about? Way to pay attention to your very emotionally fragile girl right now Caden.'

Like a deflating skin she let out a long slow breath and pulled away from him. "Do whatever your heart desires Caden. Although I do not understand your fascination with cleaning your brand new clothes," she said turning to give him a pointed look. "It is not like they are not going to just get dirty all over again." Her eyes spoke to him telling him of her suspicions as the the clothes origin. 'He could have bought clothes. With what money? Unless he has been working we do not have a lot at the moment, especially if he has been staying in inns all this time.'

Head down, Tiraris began splashing water on her arms and trying to get the much out from underneath her nails. Her heart was slowly closing off to him again and she lamented the fact. 'Why does he always do this? How can he not see that I am hurting? It would not kill you to tell him. We are only going to fight again, it is probably better off that he does not know. He is not going to like that you are withholding this from him. Well I did not like that he lied to me. He was only trying to protect you. And I am only trying to protect me too.'

On her hip she could feel the beginning stings of awareness from a dogbite she had recieved during her assasination spree. 'Probably best he does not know about that either. He would be furious with me. You were furious with him, it is only fair. You should tell him. I will not! He would not approve, besides that was the last time. That is what you have been telling yourself for the last five times. Give it up Tir, it is a part of who you are. You will always be Silverd'art the deadly assassin. Caden would understand. No he would not! He sees me as this pretty little thing with a magic problem, he does not see the cold-blooded killer. He came pretty close to understanding that well enough today. You nearly succeeded in strangling him.'

Angry at where her thoughts were growing, Tiraris scrubbed harder at her skin. Her nails dug angerily into tender flesh, leaving bright red streaks in their wake. At last she gave into her frustration and slapped her fists down in the water creating a wave that came back up to splash her in the face. 'I am such a fool.' Questions danced on the tip of her tongue, anything to get Caden's attention. But, her self-loathing prevented her from speaking.

[Juno]

He was more than a little disappointed when he felt her pulling away from him. The separation served as a reminder of how distant they'd been. The corners of his lips turning down at the attention she paid to his clothes. Stolen or not, he knew it probably seemed odd to just turn up with things he'd never owned before. Turning towards her, though, Caden realized that there was something different about her right now.

She'd gone from screaming at him to being silent in such a short span of time. Now, there were hardly any words at all, and the way she kept her eyes down made him feel like she was purposefully keeping her distance right now. Looking over, he could see the marks from the crude way she was going about washing. If this was really how he might be greeted after being away for such a long time he was sure he wasn't going to last for very long. Thinking on this, he remembered tidbits of what he'd seen before when she'd met the stranger near the woods. The thing was, he had already decided he thought he wasn't a stranger to her, speaking a language foreign to him with her.

Could that have been it? Caden wasn't sure what was bothering her, exactly, but he thought what he'd been a witness to so many weeks ago might have been contributing to the wall that seemed to be forming between them.

He knew she was aggressive, competitive and independent, but she'd gotten particularly so since their arrival in town. Thinking he was making some connections now the demon began to seriously ponder the possibility that she'd gotten tired of him. Was all of it, right now, just a face she was putting on? Were the words coming out now just lies? Meaningless things to placate him? How long had it been going on? His brows furrowed at the thought that, perhaps, she'd continued to visit that man in his absence in what ample free time she'd probably had in five weeks.

Taking the necessary steps to stand before Tiraris as she made that big splash, Caden relaxed his features in favor of a more calm front, though he did wince at the way it ended up hitting her. She'd only just stopped attacking him and he didn't feel like being on her bad side so soon again. "I stole these clothes," he offered, not missing a beat as he reached to put a hand to her shoulder. "The other ones got burned, and my pack got left here.

"...Does my affection offend you? Would you rather I not try to be close right now?" he asked with a somber tone tinged with mild confusion over her seeming desperation for a hug earlier and how now she seemed different.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris tearfully shook her head. A soft "no" managed to croak its way past her lips before she gave up and let her chin drop to her chest. She was mentally berating herself for being so cruel and confusing to Caden. 'Look how you confuse him! Why he stays is a mystery. Do you love him or not? Do you even care you heartless thing?'

The louder the hate-filled accusations became in her mind the deeper she dug her nails into her own flesh. "I am a monster for putting you through this over and over again," she spoke unknowingly. She wanted nothing more than for the earth to swallow her up, to disappear forever and never hurt him again. 'How many more times will I hurt him before it is too much? How many before I lose him forever? We are neither of us as strong as we pretend to be. Every time I have tried to tell him, he has refused to hear it. It is useless to try anymore. But, is it useless to try for this anymore? The training goes nowhere.'

A wave of guilt overtook her as Tiraris remembered that she had abandoned several weeks of training in her worry and later anger. 'Of course it will not work when I do not try for it.' Sad red eyes glanced up to see Caden behind the fringe of her hair. 'Oh love, I want nothing more than for you to hold me and never let go. After so long a separation I want you to stay forever and ever. But, would you even want? Would you care?'

[Juno]

Caden wasn't entirely sure what he was seeing right now. He wasn't sure if the moisture he caught a glimpse of was just water or tears again, but at this point he didn't want to make any more mistakes and tried to be as careful as he could in his approach of this. As she dropped her head again he raised his other hand up to cup her cheek while hunching over to try and look at her better. He wasn't sure if her answer had been for one of his questions or both, but he knew she didn't need that question right now.

A concerned look took over his features now at the words that fell soft upon his ears. Shaking his head, his frown deepened as he didn't understand how, to him, stressful times between them would equate to her being a monster. He was aware that this definitely wasn't the first time she'd called herself that, either, but he was pretty sure right now that they both could use some time to calm down and bring things back to reality.

"You aren't a monster. I'm not exactly sure what you think you're putting me through, Tir, but- Hey, come on, stop doing that." Lowering the hand at her shoulder to instead lie atop her own, he sighed at the marks that persisted on her skin.

"I'm just trying to understand, but maybe-" Maybe I should just leave that for later... The look in her eyes left him fairly speechless now, though. Blinking and just standing there stupidly, he wasn't sure he quite knew how to express to her what he was thinking or feeling right now.

After a long pause he continued, admitting, "I don't think I'm as good at this as I thought, but if there's something you want to be different I'll do my best to change. I don't want to keep upsetting you like this." Cautiously, unsure if she might welcome more attention at this point or try and distance herself again, Caden moved his hands to her shoulders as he leaned in to place a kiss to her forehead.

"Now, please... Tell me what you want, what might help you feel any better." The only thing he could think of that might comfort her right now was going to lie down for a bit, maybe get himself purring, even, but he wasn't sure the likelihood of that happening or even helping right now. Their clothes were soaked and he, at least, had nothing to change into. He wasn't entirely sure he was even relaxed enough to get it going, and he wasn't sure if she even wanted to after everything that had already happened in their short time back together again.

[GoblinFae]

The assassin shuddered under his gentle platonic kiss. She did not resist or pull away, more focused on the lump in her throat that prevented her from speaking. "What I want to be different you cannot change," Tiraris finally spoke, a small hitch appearing the end of her words. Swallowing and inhaling sharply she continued. "I am my own problem, my worst fear, and my greatest enemy.

"I want you so badly but, I cannot trust myself." Her hand slid up under his tunic to rest on the heavy scarring beneath. "I have already hurt you so badly because I foolishly tried to trust myself." She raised her eyes up to search out his own. "Nothing but a monster hurts the one she loves. Like mother, like daughter," she muttered, dropping her hand away.

"He teaches me to be strong, yet the stronger it becomes the more dangerous I become. This is only getting worse Caden. I can do incredible things effortlessly, but I feel no closer to the end than when I started."

Continuous swallowing would not get rid of the lump in her throat now. She struggled and failed to hold back chocked sobs. Her chest ached from both the effort and the number she was doing on her crushed heart. "What do I want?" Tiraris paused and held is gaze. "You. But we should not always have what we want. I am-I am so tired Caden. Tired of fighting, tired of failing, and especially I am tired of hurting you."

She shrugged her shoulders and blinked out a few more tears. "This is what happens when beauty falls in love with the beast, he gets hurt. Again and again she will hurt him until in the end, there is nothing left but blood and tears. You have been gone five weeks due to an injury I caused. When you come back I nearly kill you. Who is comforting whom here? Better yet, who should be comforting whom?"

Tiraris laughed hysterically, shaking her head. "I told you all I do is take," she muttered before letting her head fall forward onto his chest. The tears were unstoppable now as they fell on them and between them to the water below. 'And the circle starts anew.'