Amongst These Fevered Steps [M] [Goblin]

[Juno]

Lead the way he did, but even as they walked along and distanced themselves from the strange little encounter, Caden still couldn't shake it. With a heavy sigh, he looked down at Tiraris when he noticed she herself was watching him. "Maybe so, but-- Eh? Rattled?" For just a moment his eyes flickered to something of mild amusement at her light teasing.

"I'll be alright, don't worry about me," he assured, though he turned his head back to face forward again now. Much as he didn't want to admit it, he was a bit worried about any threat to them now. For him at least, it was a slightly vulnerable time and he didn't really see it changing much anytime soon.

He carried on with few words now, though he certainly wasn't angry with her. He was focused and determined and silently praying that this way he was taking them was the right way. It didn't take long before he caught sight of a denser group of trees just a little ways up ahead. Right before it was a small little hut and what looked like a shed off to the side. A small hope rose in his heart that this was it, as it fit the description of what they'd been looking for, but he kept his eyes trained on the man that looked to be working on something near the shed.

"I think this is it, I think he's who we're looking for..." As he looked down to her again, though, he felt a pang of guilt. It was a mixture of knowing he was probably about to disappoint her again and knowing what she'd already gone through to get even this far. Caden was concerned for her, much as he knew she would probably deny needing his worry, and for a moment it did have him wondering what she thought about him.

They hadn't talked much about the future, what possibilities might be there for them, and he was sure that finding a teacher for her was their major block in that road. Caden still wondered, though. He wondered if her staying for good would truly be for forever. He wondered what she might want for them after she was able to better control her magic.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris' heart skipped a beat as Caden's lit up. 'I wish he looked that more often. He used to. This is all my fault. He was happy before he met me. Now all he does is worry and argue. I stress him out. He is so unhappy when he is with me. Why do I let this continue? Why do I put him through this?'

"How can I not worry about you? I love you. We are in this together, remember?" she told him giving his hand a tight squeeze. They traveled in relative silence until they reached their destination. Tiraris clutched Caden's hand tightly, reluctantly moving forward. 'Please let this work. I do not want him to have to go through the disappointment yet again. It would kill him.' She squared her shoulders and looked to him. "Moment of truth. Ready?"

[Juno]

"Always am. I'll be right here with you, okay?" Even though she already had his hand grasped so tightly, Caden gave hers a gentle squeeze as he leaned down to press a kiss to her hair. Continuing on, he began to notice more of the details about the place and soon he was able to see that the man at the top of the hill was working in what looked to be a garden.

"Ah, hello," Caden called, his eyes trained carefully on the man as he stopped his work and turned to look at them. "Are you Feichin? Feichin Dunlow?"

"Yes, yes... What can I do for you?" The man approached, meeting them at the start of the little worn path that ran between the garden and the house. The mage could already sense Caden's magic, see the faint aura of the demon, and a small little welcoming smile masked the pleased look in his eyes.

"Ah, good. Um... Caden D'Andarce, sir. And this is my... this is... Tiraris," he began, gesturing with his free hand to her. "We wanted to talk to you about something, we might be interested in employing your services as a mage, but we were hoping to have a word with you first. We have... some very important criteria that must be met, you see."

"Of course. Here, we can talk inside if you'd like to sit down," he offered, gesturing to his hut as he stepped around them to lead the party inside. The house was simply furnished, but the walls were lined with stacks of books everywhere but along the hearth that contained a small fire. There was a simple table surrounded by a few chairs in the center of the room. Feichin took the seat furthest from the fire and Caden gave Tiraris's hand another quick squeeze before he moved away to hold out the chair opposite the mage for her. "Now, what might you need my help with?" he asked, bright green eyes taking in the look of her before turning with particular curiosity to study Caden. Yes, he could sense something from them, but he was trying to work out exactly what it was.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris was not keen in entering the mage's home. Years of experience taught her to be wary and all of her training was coming into affect. It took everything she had to not employ intimidation tactics to get her way. 'I am different now. I have Caden now. I am giving that life up for him,' she thought. The niggling voice in the back of her head reminding her of the jobs she was still taking was quickly silenced. 'Let the games begin.'

"How do you feel about taking on an apprentice? The kind of help we need is a magic-user familiar with emotion-based magical reactions. Specifically, we need someone who can teach control. If the ability to harness said magic is also possible, then that as well. The magic I am talking about is extremely volatile. To date, it has only been controlled twice. Both times it nearly killed the user; this is unacceptable. Everyday that passes, the magic grows stronger and more unpredictable. It will not be long before it is unstoppable and that must not be allowed to happen. Thus far emotion-based control has been managed. But, that only goes so far. Some emotions are not meant to be contained."

She glanced over at Caden giving him a fleeting smile. Tiraris was well aware of the looks the mage was giving Caden. She intentionally played up the ambiguity of the situation. 'As long as he does not know more than the basics, we are safe. I wonder if he thinks, I am talking about Caden.' She allowed herself to smirk. "Do you find yourself capable of such a task?"

[Juno]

The mage did indeed have his suspicions about Caden. His unusual hair, while not entirely a giveaway, certainly gave him adequate reason to think he was something quite different from human. The woman, too, was particularly striking and he couldn't help but wonder what had them trekking all the way out to his little home. The serious tone she took in presenting their dilemma definitely caught his interest, though.

"Harnessing emotion-based magic... That's something I haven't had too much practice in, but I could certainly do it. An apprentice... now that would be nice to have, I haven't had one in a long time." He glanced to the fire behind them before he brought his gaze back to flicker between the two as Caden took a seat, a wry little smile there as his eyes settled on the demon once again. "It's only been controlled twice... What happens when it isn't under control?" he prodded curiously.

Caden offered an encouraging smile to Tiraris as a protective hand brushed against her knee under the table, but as he felt the mage's gaze upon him his eyes flickered with mild confusion as to why he was being focused on. Thinking it to be the better choice, though, he just cleared his throat and turned his attention back to Tiraris in hopes that the other man might get the hint.

[GoblinFae]

Every instinct in her told her to leave and to leave now. 'He has not worked with it much? How is that supposed to help us? I am volatile enough as it is. I do not need to worsen my condition.' It was only Caden's calming presence and his hand on her knee that kept her still.

"At age six a young child threw a temper tantrum at having a favorite toy taken away. The magical outburst sent a grown man clear across the palace courtyard. Age has not improved the reactions, only strengthened them. The most violent episode destroyed a mansion and killed all inhabitants both inside and within a mile radius of it." Tiraris fell quiet, remembering what had caused the outburst to begin with. 'It is over. He is gone; they all are gone.'

"Will you help or not? We have better things to do then waste time here if you cannot." Tiraris was impatient. She hated this waiting game. 'I want to move on with my life already. I want there to be an us. I do not wish to be the beast anymore. I am ready to be beauty.' A warmth filled her chest as she thought of Caden's smile. 'Well as much beauty as I can be in comparison to his. I hope he realizes how grateful I am for him. Things would be so different if he had not persisted. I would not be happy again without him. I am trying Caden. I promise to try and never stop until we get this right.'

[Juno]

The mage was surprised when Caden was not the one to speak up, but that little, wry smile was there all the same as he listened to Tiraris explain. He realized then that it was she that wanted his help, not the man with the strange glow to him. Feichin was not yet sure exactly, but he knew there was something within Caden as well, something locked away that he could sense the very edges of sneaking out away from him.

Her impatience surprised him and, he figured, that that was something she would need to work on if she was going to follow through with the little arrangement she wanted. "Yes, I think I can work with that. It's all quite impressive, Miss Tiraris. Very explosive magic. I'd say I'd like to see it in action, but I wouldn't want to wind up dead for such a silly thing. You can show me once you've learned more." He wore a pleased smile even as Caden watched him with uncertainty now.

"Just like that?" the demon asked, furrowing his brow a bit. "And what of...payment?" He felt his hand tighten a bit where it rested upon her leg.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry yourselves over it. I wouldn't ask for anything not easily parted with," he explained, though his words definitely held hidden meaning. "You must understand, though... These things take time; it won't be happening overnight. Speaking of which... it would probably be best if you stayed here, if you're going to accept my offer, that is.

"There's a small back room in the shed with a cot. You're more than welcome to stay if you don't mind humble furnishings... I'm sure it would be just enough room for an apprentice." He didn't want to come out and say that what he offered was incredibly small, but he did not lie when he said it would probably only be room enough for Tiraris to stay comfortably, not with Caden. With that, though, the mage rose to his feet and walked around the table to the fire, where he coaxed it higher in a wilder dance.

"Love... This is what you've been waiting for," Caden whispered excitedly, already leaning close to speak directly at her ear. "He can teach you! Do you... do you want us to stay? I'll wait. No matter how long it takes, don't worry about it..." He leaned away only slightly to try and look her in the eye, to show her how optimistic he was now. "I just want to see you happy, love... I would wait forever for that."

[GoblinFae]

Mahogany eyes flashed briefly as the magic crackled along Tiraris' skin. She quickly quelled the irritation only letting it show as a warning to the mage. 'I am not to be trifled with,' it said. 'I am not a toy.' Her attitude though, was very different from that of Caden. She did not share his immediate enthusiasm. Time had taught her to be wary and to guard her heart carefully. False hope only crushed the weak, and she refused to be weak.

"You will have to excuse us," she stated rising gracefully to her feet. "D'Andarce and I have some things to discuss before anything is agreed upon." Taking long strides, Tiraris was soon out the door and well on her way to being out of sight and hearing range before she slowed. Spinning around, she grabbed Caden by the back of the head and kissed him soundly. All of her pent up emotions, her fear and irritation, all went into that one kiss.

Breathing heavily she broke away, resting her forehead on his chest. "Are we doing the right thing Caden? Can we even trust him? I do not like the way he looks at you. He sets my teeth on edge. Maybe I am being too harsh, but I what are we to do? If he is not the one we have wasted time and are crushed once more. If we leave, we will forever question it."

Her eyes pinched close together as she fought an onslaught of tears. "What will you do if we stay? I am sure he will not let you in on the lessons. You will be so bored. Where will you sleep?" Tiraris gave a slight shudder. "I am not staying with him. Where you go, I go. You could not make me stay there without you, even if you tied me to the bed," she vehemently vowed. "Tell me what to do Caden. What you say, I will do. For you I will try." Her mind cruelly cut in, 'even when you yourself do not believe.'

Tiraris gave a mournful sigh. Her thoughts turned sour as she thought of other things. "What are we doing, Caden? How is this ever going to work? Is this the best it will ever get? Will you only ever be able to give me the occasional kiss and embrace for fear of my combusting? How can you even know that I am your match? What if you are wrong?" Her voice rose as she pulled away to look at him. She moved her arms about as she spoke, emphasizing her points. "What if this is not real, or this is all we will ever have? Do you not want a family? Caden, as long as you are tied down to me, there will not be one. How can I bear a child when you cannot even touch me? Is this all it will ever be? I do not think I can live with that. I do not want you to have to try."

She rubbed a hand over her eyes, gritting her teeth and looking to the side. A slow breath rattled between chapped lips as she tried to calm herself enough to fight back the tears. 'He will be just like the rest of them. I cannot lose two friends. I already lost Adalwin to this curse. I cannot lose Caden too. If it means we must spend our days apart then so be it.'

[Juno]

She was so calm in that brief moment, he almost didn't see the streak of emotion that flared up. As she stood, he stared, wide-eyed as she moved to leave. Glancing to the mage, he hummed his agreement to her statement and got up to follow her out. She didn't stop right at the door, though, and he was sure the situation was very dire indeed if she truly wanted privacy in this.

Finally alone, save for the trees surrounding them, he slowed just as she did. She'd been so quiet, though, that he was trying to think of something, anything that he might be able to say. But then she was grabbing him. She was kissing him, too, and he wasn't quite sure at first where she was going with all of this. As she pulled away and rested her head against him, though, he raised his arms up around her to rest lightly at her back.

"Tiraris... this is what we've been searching for, right? Nobody ever said he had to be a perfect person, but if he can help you, he can help you. Trust... you just have to trust him enough to teach you, nothing more, right?" But she carried on, and all he could really do was stand there helplessly for a time as she let things out.

"I'm sure I'll find some way to keep myself busy," he assured. "I would never just leave you here. I'm sure it won't be that bad, Ti--" And then she was off. His face began to fall as her words and questions cut deep to the core, painful now with what she was saying.

He'd certainly thought of most of these things before himself, but it was causing an ache in his chest to hear them from her. As she pulled away and her voice started rising he just let his hands slip back down to his sides while he stared at her. The look in those bright, violet eyes was suddenly quite hurt. Not at her, but himself for knowing he had a part in her questioning him and their relationship.

As she fell quiet again in words, he almost wished she had not. The shaky, heaving breaths as she tried to calm herself, the look on her face as she tried not to cry and how she could not even bring herself to look at him just tugged at his heart all the more. With a quivering lower lip, he hung his head and carefully reached out a hand to her, to press lightly to her arm. "It is real," he whispered, gaze locked upon the ground beyond her as he fought the tears threatening to spill forth. What are you saying? What could you possibly say to her to fix this? She's upset. She's scared. I've given her reason not to trust in us, somehow, haven't I?

"Is it that you don't want me to try or that you don't want us to try?" he choked out, his voice uneven and nostrils flaring as he tried to calm himself from flying off the handle with the burst of emotion he could already feel internally. "All I want is to be with you. If you cannot live with that...then I don't know what to say, but a family is not what's important to me if I cannot make you happy. If... if you don't feel as I do for you, then I can't do anything about that, but I do not doubt that you are my match." He hissed lightly between his teeth at the mere thought of it, of possibly being rejected by her now.

"Tiraris... My soulmate does not tie me down... drag me down, anything. All I care about is your happiness! If I cannot make you happy... If I don't make you happy, then maybe... Maybe I'm not... the... the one for you," he choked out, each word just driving needles into his heart. The hand at her arm slowly fell again as he took a small step away from her to further hang his head. Maybe she does not see in me what I see in her. Such a beautiful person. Nobody's perfect, but I love her so dearly... perhaps I was wrong in thinking she could ever feel so completely the same.

"Much as you might be led to believe about me... it's not about the physical. Touch... is necessary, but I would never push you, Tiraris. I will always respect your wishes. Whatever you may ever want from me, you'd only need to ask and it will be done, but we are real. This is real." But... her affections. Her words. Her love. It can't all be fake, there's no way... what reason would she have? If she will try for me why is she questioning me? If she feels for me, then why do we torture ourselves so?

"I want you to be happy. That is all I want and all I will ever push for. I want you to find someone to help you, to teach you, and this man just may be your ticket to freedom, Tiraris. It would be best for you, I think, if you stayed. You need to stay and learn. Learn the control you want. Then, move on with your life.

"I will not force you, but so far this has been the only promising thing we've found... and don't worry about me. I want you to be comfortable, I know it's a stressful thing and it will probably take a lot out of you... but I will stay as near as I can, as always... if you wish for me to." His rant over, he just stood quietly, unmoving and afraid of looking up to her.

[GoblinFae]

"I do want us to try. You are the closest thing that has brought happiness back into my life. But, it is not you but, me that makes me so unhappy. There is only so much you can do for me when I cannot help myself. I do not want you to have to live your life constantly worrying if you have upset me. That is not a life. That is not what a relationship should be about. I do not want that for us. I want something more. The one who is failing in this relationship is me."

Tiraris pinched the bridge of her nose. 'Is it time to bring this up? No time like the present I guess.' Nodding her head to herself she knelt to the ground, shifting pack from shoulder. A quick search in the bag soon revealed a worn green ribbon holding eight rings. Some were of silver, some of gold, many had precious gems, but Tiraris only valued one of them.

"There are eight rings here. Each given to me by the eight husbands I had. I hated almost all of my husbands. Most marriages I went into reluctantly, only two of them did I do so willingly. This one," she said holding up the simplest ring, one made of twine, "was given to me by my only friend. I married him the morning of my supposed seventh husband but really eighth husband."

Her fingers played with the rings as she remembered the day, the way the light shone in the field, the small thrill of happiness that momentarily soared through her. "My last husband was known for being a womanizer and a drunkard. He married young girls for sexual gratification, then sold them when he was done with them. I did not want that. So Adalwin, our family's stable boy asked me to marry him and I said yes. It was simple, it was stupid, it was special, and it only lasted an hour. Caden, I know you would never push me to do anything I did not want. I know that this is not about sex for you. But, I cannot tell you how much I crave touch, to be held and to be loved. I have never had that and at this moment can never have that."

She threw her hand up showing the wedding bands again. "Eight men are dead because I cannot be touched. Whether I loved them or hated them it did not matter. They are all dead. My last wedding day I married and buried two men all in one day." Another shaky breath escaped past her lips as her chest heaved to draw air in and out of her lungs. "I believe you Caden when you tell me this is real. But, my mind cannot help questioning for how much longer it will last. I cannot bear to lose you. But, how much longer can I live this half-life I created for myself long before I met you? I loved Adalwin, Caden. But, I love you so much more. I love you so much I would do whatever you asked of me. I know you share the same devotion to me. On the same hand though, I fear that which is meant to bring me joy."

A long sigh made it past quivering lips as Tiraris placed the rings back in her rucksack. "We say we love each other but, how much do we know about each other? Time is running out Caden. There is so much to tell. I know so little about you and you even less about me. A relationship cannot be built on half-truths and secrecy. I know this is my fault. I do not ask for fear you will do the same." Tiraris let her head hang as guilt washed over her. "I am selfish. I want your love but refuse all that comes with it, including the need for shared trust. I desire and take but rarely give. When I do, I only steal it back again."

Silence reigned at last on her part. Head down, hand to head, Tiraris watched her thoughts swirl around her head like water in a sewer drain. Gooseflesh rose along the skin of her neck and arms as she posed one final question. "I need to know Caden. Would you have ever desired a family with me? If I had not been damaged and broken, would you have wanted a child with me? Could you still desire one now?"

'Do I even want children? No. With him, yes. No. I will not curse another with this. A little girl with his violet eyes. No! A little boy with his smile, his laughter, his ears, his hair, his purr, his hope. Hope. What a foolish human sentiment. You are human, or at least you were once. Long before you became this monster and lost your way, you were human. I have forgot how to live. He will teach you. Before or after I kill him? Have faith. Faith is no different than hope. Both are useless. Then you will never know. Know what? Why your heart beats only for him. Why only he has ever made that smile dance across your lips and light up your eyes like stars. Better to have faith and hope than to have been consumed by fear. You let terror rule your life, let it destroy the person you once were. Men destroyed her. That was not my doing. She is not gone. She is dead. I buried her when I buried Adalwin. You are not far from home little dove. Fly away home and find her again.'

Her thoughts fell still as she waited tensely for an answer. If Tiraris was open and honest with herself, she did not know which she wanted to hear from him. Both had good points and bad regrets. All she knew is that she loved Caden with all her soul. She meant it when she said she would die for him. He was just as important if not more so to her as she was to him.

[Juno]

It was all he could do to just listen and be patient with her. Flashes of jealousy and blind pride reared their ugly heads as she explained just a glimpse of her past, but even as she assured him that she loved him the most, he also couldn't help but wonder how thing might have been if she'd been able to remain happily married to another and he had found her too late. But it didn't happen that way. Remember that. She's here now.

He felt guilty. To know that she wanted more than he could give her right now. To realize, or think he realized, how much she had been holding herself back. To see that she both desired and feared what they might be able to have together someday. All of it had his mind crashing a huge wave of guilt over him. It was watching her replace the rings that really got his thoughts churning at last, willing him to do anything but stand there stupidly as he was.

Caden realized how cautious he'd been trying to be, and thought he'd probably given her so much reason to question him. It shouldn't be a surprise. I know it's all so risky, but she's worth it. Hearing her call herself selfish, though, had him looking terribly hurt all over again. "You are not. We have things to work on...so many things, but you are not the only one at fault for what we have. It is us. We share it," he whispered, though he, too, fell quiet again to watch her.

He was beginning to realize how focused he'd been all this time on things he'd never had to think about before. To have her there brought out such strange feelings, feelings he hadn't really had to concern himself with to any great extent before. Attachment. Love. Hope for another. Fear for another. To feel that distinctive swelling of his pride, and for something other than meaningless, shallow things.

He knew he'd been fairly blind to their unending cautiousness around each other. He never wanted to admit that. He just kept pushing through whatever life threw at them not even knowing if they might ever make it through. It was a good thing, to be sure, but now he saw how pitiful it probably looked; to not have a clue how things would be and keep going for it anyway.

Her questions now, though, struck him in a way he hadn't expected. The thought of a family had certainly crossed his mind, if fleetingly, but he was well aware, too, of how they had been able to do nothing more than hug or kiss in their months together thus far. It surprised him how he felt a faint melting in his heart now at the thought of one day being able to see her holding a child of theirs in her arms. She would be a good mother... Lots of tough love. I... I don't even know, though. She's never said anything about wanting children. Now she's asking... does that mean she might want that some day...?

Slowly lifting his head more, he looked down upon her for a moment in silence as he mulled over what to say and how he should say it. Their situation was already so delicate, he didn't want to make anything worse than it needed to be. With a light sigh, Caden stepped forward again and lowered himself to crouch before her. The shadows of trees dancing across her hair was beautiful, but that was not what he could see now. She was hurt. She was worried. She didn't know what they should do. Lifting a hand, he brushed fingertips against her hair for a moment before settling his palm down on her shoulder, a small and hopeful smile there beneath terribly sad eyes.

"I'm not sure how it would be, Tiraris. I'm not even entirely sure if my kind could successfully...interbreed. I think... I think it would be a lovely thing, if we could manage it, but a family is not the reason I am here with you. If we wanted to try to have children... I would be very happy, I think, but I would be just as happy to have none at all.

"I could keep you all to myself, that way," he teased lightly, hoping to lighten the mood a bit as he lowered his head now to press a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "But we have other things to worry about right now, love. Unless that's something you wanted to talk about right now...?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to that, he thought it was cruel enough not being able to touch her, much as he'd wanted to and tried before.

[GoblinFae]

'Look at him. He is afraid of me. He will not even touch me. I did this. I am the one driving him away. Look how quiet he is, how little he addresses. He is going to reject me.' Her breath caught in her throat, flattening her chest as she listened to Caden. 'I never thought of that. The one happiness every woman expects with her husband is a child, and we cannot even have one. I am failure all around. I deny him family. I deny him love. I deny him hope. What is left for him, but my broken shell of existence? This is it,' she thought has he kissed her forehead and then placed a hand on her shoulder.

'And now he will reject me. But, in his own sweet way. I may not have even recognized it if it had not been for this new revelation. This whole time, he has been trying to let me go, and I have clung on. I am destroying him. This is all my fault. Here I was, thinking I was protecting, him when it has been he who is trying to shield me. He just has not found the way to tell me yet, a way that will not get him killed.'

The windows to Tiraris' soul crashed shut, shuttering her eyes from revealing the pain that festered inside her breast. 'I am such a fool! No more. No more.' She rose to her feet fluidly. "There is nothing more to talk of. I will inform the mage he has a new student. And," she paused, brushing her hair behind her ear, before undoing it again. "Perhaps he is right, Caden. Maybe it would be best if I stayed there. I do not think distractions would be good for all parties involved."

Tiraris briefly looked up at Caden, gave him a fleeting smile and turned to head back. Her mind was numb to her surroundings, only focused on the silencing of her heart. 'I will fix this, and then I will end this. Come what may Caden, I promise to not hurt you. I understand now, that means letting you go. Even if you do not quite see it yet, I do. The end is nigh, but it shall be a happy one, for one of us, for you.'

[Juno]

Watching her, he remained silent. He didn't understand what was going on and even thought they might finally be getting somewhere with all of this, but then she was standing up again, not even answering him and shutting him down. Letting his hand slip away, Caden remained where he was as she spoke, confusion flooding his eyes and the beginnings of hurt edging in as well. He didn't understand what he had done or what he hadn't done.

"Distractions. Yeah..." Running a hand through his hair, he brushed it away from his face before rising to his feet once more. A new student, that means she'll stay. But distraction... I guess I should let her have her space for a while, huh? But... I just don't understand, I thought she wanted to talk. She's being... distant, all of a sudden. I hope she isn't upset. Was it something I said?

Watching her head back down to the house, Caden followed quietly, leaving plenty of space between them now. It was evident enough to him that she didn't want to talk anymore, but it was causing an ache in his chest to not know what had just happened or why. "Hey... Tiraris?" he called as they broke the tree line, his hands stuffed in his pockets and head bowed. "If you're going to stay, can we please talk? I'd like to at least know how this is going to work..." It was a sad attempt at best, but it was all he had in his current state, and even this he was not entirely sure would not upset her somehow.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris allowed her steps to slow to a stop as Caden called after. She let out a soft, weary sigh before turning to face him. "What do you want to talk about, love?" As she looked at him, Tiraris realized she wanted nothing more than to run into the shelter of his arms. She wanted to share in his warmth, to run her fingers along his ears and through his hair, to kiss him and never stop.

'I must be strong. He does not want that from me. I am nothing more than a passing fancy, a pestilence on what could have been a truly beautiful relationship. Gods above, I wish you had not cursed me so. I would have liked a chance with him. He is good man; I just wish I could have been a good woman to match.'

[Juno]

Inching his way closer, he stopped a respectable distance from her though he still did not lift his head at all. Caden thought the sighing was fairly telling now, with what few words they were sharing. She's upset with me, isn't she?

Twisting his hands around in his pockets, he stared at the ground as he pondered how to ask her. "You said that you're staying... but you didn't say if we both should stay. I know this is important to you, but... did you want me to be here, too?" It was something he hadn't given much thought to before, what would happen once they found a teacher for her. He assumed that deciding to be with him meant that they could stick together, but he wasn't sure if controlling her magic was something she wanted to conquer by herself.

[GoblinFae]

'Do I want him to stay? Yes! No! Where would he stay? He does not deserve to constantly wait around for me. He will be a distraction. You already have so little time with him, why are you wasting it by sending him away. The sooner I learn the more time I have in safety with him. The more time I waste with him without the teachings, the more dangerous I become. It is better this way. He is safer this way.'

Looking at Caden's forlorn expression almost broke Tiraris' resolve. 'But how do I tell him that? How do I make him understand. You do not.' The tall woman shrugged her shoulders loosely. "What do you want, Caden? Is there anything even for you to do here? I cannot spend time with you when I am trying to learn. It could kill us both if I get frustrated over the lessons not working out." She shrugged again. "It is up to you, Caden. I am not going to make the choice for you," she said sounding thoroughly defeated.

[Juno]

It was what he expected now, but why he hadn't seen it before was a mystery to him. Perhaps I was too hopeful, thinking she would want me to be here for her. I would... I want to be, but when she says it like that... if she spent more time with me that would be more time that she wouldn't be able to learn. She's dedicated. She'll do it, I know, I just... The thought of being separated from her again had his heart dropping into his stomach.

Caden stood tensely now, no longer fidgeting as he made up his mind on what he was going to do. "I see what you mean... There really isn't much for me to do here. I guess... I guess I could go back into town for a little while, yeah? I could check in...maybe every week or so until you finish, otherwise you could come get me..." Every word hurt to speak, but instead of sounding strained he forced it to be dry, void of emotion.

His mind made up, he stepped forward again to walk by her and around the hut to go back toward the road, though he could not lift his sad eyes to her now. "Good luck... and goodbye for now, Tiraris. I... I'll be back sooner than you know it... I love you."

[GoblinFae]

Caden's goodbye had torn a hole in Tiraris' heart that only got bigger as the weeks went on. True to her word she had slept in the small side room and obeyed the mage's instructions. Controlling her agitation and longing became more difficult and more distracting with each passing day.

'How is it, that even with you so far from me Caden, you still haunt and distract me? I thought your leaving was supposed to prevent that, not ensure it! I miss you more with each heartbeat. Oh Caden, I miss you so much. Our brief meetings only makes it worse, knowing you will walk away and I must endure without you. How will I ever survive this for the long term? If I can barely survive a week, how will I live through years of this? Will I even live long enough for it to become more than an unbearable ache?'

The familiar crackle along her skin was the telltale warning sign that she was losing control again. "It comes faster everyday," she muttered morosely, viciously ripping up blades of grass with both hands. She could practically hear the chastisements already. 'I should not let him distract me so. How can I protect him from myself if I do not learn. That was the point! Will this ever end?'

[Juno]

He felt bad for lying to her, but only a little. Staying in the woods near the mage's home wasn't exactly ideal and did such horrible things for his back, but he didn't care, it was all worth it to him. The day he'd "left" he'd known he wouldn't be able to stand it and by nightfall had returned to hide out and watch her progress from afar. It was almost as bad as being away entirely, this seeing but not being able to approach.

Being away from her in any capacity was becoming his personal hell. It caused physical pain and every day grew to be more and more of a struggle to maintain boundaries, but her wrath was not something he wished to have upon himself.

It had been just over a week again, but Caden took the long way around through the woods to get to the road so that it appeared like his approach was from town like it should have been. As he got closer and could now make out each individual area again on the property, he gave a sigh to see that Tiraris was still where he'd left her, plucking at the grass. Raising an arm to wave in the hopes of catching her eye, the demon called out her name with a sad little smile and a heavy hollowness in his heart to know that this was doomed to be fleeting, as always.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris looked up at the sound of her name and nearly smiled. 'He is here!' Every instinct within her told her to get up and run to him. Instead she stay put and bobbed her head at him before closing her eyes in concentration. 'I have to let go of this attachment. I am already on edge. He could get hurt if I lose control.'

She calmed her breathing, forcing her heart to slow and began the exercise again. Palm outstretched in front of her, the assassin let her magic crackle along her skin. When she came to the point where she felt she could control it, she let it move out to form in the palm of her hand. The crisp electrical hum sang in her ears and grated on her nerves.

The crunch of feet on earth, distracted Tiraris. Loosing control, the electrical currents lashed outward seeking the closest target. Struggling to reign the massive arcs of light, she was able to pull them in until formed a sort of cage around her that got tighter and tighter around her with each breath. At the last moment it retracted back within her, leaving Tiraris tired and out of breath. "You still distract me," she muttered darkly to herself.