Amongst These Fevered Steps [M] [Goblin]

[Juno]

His heart skipped a beat to see her looking at him, and his body tensed with excited anticipation that perhaps she might come to meet him. She did not, though, and his face fell a bit to see her remain where she was, to see her close her eyes as if he wasn't even there. Caden glanced briefly to the hut as he continued to make his way up the path, but his eyes couldn't stray from her for long.

The flashes of light caused him to wince, and for a moment he stopped, but only a moment. "Tiraris?" With eyes fixed upon her and the crackling light encircling her, Caden continued forward as calmly as possible. Closer to her when it all disappeared, his sensitive ears definitely picked up upon her muttered words. Stopping a couple of feet away from her, he just hung his head and stared at his feet instead of looking up to her. "Do I really?" But he left it at that for a time, quiet as he contemplated what else he could say.

It had been a long time since they'd spoken, he thought; a week or more was far too much for him, but he wasn't so sure now that she'd missed him all that much. "How have you been?" he asked simply, if a bit tense as he stood there fighting the urge to go to her. I miss her so much. There's no...intimacy. Not even a hug or kind word, it's always work, work, work ... I wish I could make her happy in all of this, but I know she has to learn on her own.

[GoblinFae]

She gave him a weary smile, leaning back with her hands before. Her back arched up as she stretched stiff muscles. "Of course you do! But, only because I love you so much." Tiraris winced and then sighed when her back gave a loud pop as it realigned. "How can you expect any woman to focus with your demigod physique so close and enticing?" she teased, bringing up old memories.

Tiraris' humor died with his next question. "Alright. It all wears on you. Progress is so slow, I wonder if it is worth it at all. So much wasted time." Groaning, she laid back into the sweet-smelling grass. A cool breeze helped to calm her frazzled nerves. Unfocused eyes watched the clouds crawl across the sky. "What have you been up to?"

[Juno]

His eyes followed every movement: the arching back, the stretching. Yes, she looked really good sitting out like she was now. The initial sore feeling was forgotten as appreciative, violet eyes roamed over her. Demigod...physique. So she hasn't stopped liking me...I think. Right? I mean, that's what she means, right? It doesn't matter, she's talking to me and that's all that matters...for now.

"Of course it's worth it," he began slowly, eyes finally seeming to find her own, a knowing, wolfish grin lighting his face for the first time in...well, a long time. Stepping closer, he folded himself down to sit beside her, perpendicular to her lying form. "Things will change, you just have to keep working at it, love. But me? I..." Caden wasn't sure how he was going to come up with a lie for this, she hadn't been asking him this in previous times, so he was rather shocked that she was interested in things away from the now.

Slowly, he reached out a limp hand to brush against her own. "Just been mucking around, really. Missing you... Mostly missing you," he admitted, which was the honest truth even though he wasn't going to indulge her with any details about where he'd truly been. "Did he say anything about how long it'll take? ...how long do you think it will take?"

[GoblinFae]

Her head turned to face him. Tiraris hesitantly moved her hand to latch on to his own. "I miss you too," she admitted softly. Frustrated, she shook here head bringing her gaze back up to the sky. "No, he has not said. Many days I wonder if he really knows what he is doing. The way he looks at me Caden...nevermind," she finished, shrugging her shoulders.

For a moment she just continued to stare up at the clouds. "I do not know, Caden. I just do not know. The tasks he has me doing seem to stress the magic more than control it. But, then I can not tell if displays like you just saw are because of the passing days or what he is having me do." She gave his hand a tight squeeze, letting go when an electrical spark fired through her.

"Sorry!" she apologized, crossing her arms over her stomach in defeat. "It is getting worse, is it not? I did not used to do that. I did not used to hurt you when I touched you. Caden, what is wrong with me?" Despair rushed through her.

"The clouds are pretty today. I have not cloud-watched since I was a little girl. That one looks like a dragon," she told him, pointing up at a one of the clouds. A faint smile tugged at her lips and she looked over at him from the corner of her eye. 'I am sorry, Caden. I wish things were different for us. I wish you did not have to stay away or live fearful that every time you come to see me I will either rip your head off in anger or blow you up by accident. I wish, I wish.'

[Juno]

The way he looked at her? Caden wasn't sure he wanted to know the details behind this, but the mere thought had a low growl beginning unconsciously in his throat. He was about to respond, about to try and soothe her worries when he felt a sparking, stinging jolt pass between their hands. It tingled along his arm and an odd mix of emotions coursed through him with it.

His hand still smarting, he let fingers fall limply to brush the grass beside her now instead as she closed herself off from contact in folding her arms. He felt a bit bad for that, though, and wasn't sure if it was truly unwanted or if she was just afraid of it repeating. "Nothing's wrong with you," he tried to assure her, smiling sadly. It was one filled with regret for their seeming inability now to be close in much capacity. Tiraris's topic changed rather quickly, though, and the demon glanced up to the sky where she was pointing.

"Clouds." Caden had been hoping they could have done something else together. Even taking a walk would have been better than sitting there unable to be as near as he wished to be, he thought. Uncurling his legs, he scooted over to lay beside her in a gesture of defeat. "I guess so. A dragon. How about... that one over there? It kind of looks like a house, yeah?" he asked, fairly sure now that he wasn't going to get to actually talk about anything very serious with her now.

[GoblinFae]

"Yeah," she sighed, falling silent. Tiraris wished she could enjoy this quiet moment more. Yet, there was so much left unsaid, so much that was riding on her right now. 'I see him so little and this is how I spend the time? I wish I could touch him. With so much to say and so little time, what can we talk about? I do not want to argue but, this silence cannot be good for us. It feels like with every time we meet we become so much further apart.'

She tried to smile, turning her head back to him. "Caden?" Tiraris hesitantly called to him. "Did you-or I mean, what...nevermind." Her face fell as she gave up, unable to express the questions on her mind. 'So much for trying to talk to him. Nice Tiraris, very nice! I just want to talk to him, how can that be so difficult?'

Steeling herself, she tried again. "What were your aspirations before you meant me? What were your hopes and dreams? What did you want out of life?" On her stomach, Tiraris' hands clenched nervously as she waited for his reply. 'Please see I am trying, Caden. Please see that. I really do love you. I just want things to be safe between us. I want a future, with you!'

Despite how things had ended on their arrival, Tiraris was trying to be more open, to give as much as she took. But, it was more difficult than she ever imagined. For every thing said there were a thousand more left unsaid. 'Whatever it is you dream Caden, I will make it come true. Somehow, I will make you happy again. I will see that you smile like you used to instead of looking so incredibly sad. I will fix this. I promise!'

[Juno]

The calmness of just lying there with only the sound of the wind running  through the valley was nice, if sparking a bit of discomfort. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with it, but he was beginning to feel the heaviness of unspoken things around them. Even feeling that was better than fighting, though; anything was better than fighting again when they already had so little time together as of late.

For Caden, it had been so difficult to remain even marginally distant. Now that they were close, though, he found himself not wanting to break through the outer shell once again. He'd already been shocked in greeting and he'd seen yet another display of her magic. He wasn't out seeking to die today. She had settled them into such a simple and humble task that he'd begun to wonder if it might be some unconscious gesture that she needed a serious break from the reality of her training. From what he'd seen, she'd been fairly uneasy in his "absences". It was she that broke their silence, though.

Turning his head when she called to him, he studied her face curiously as she fumbled for words. It was unlike her, he thought, and, being so close, he hadn't missed the change in her expression. "Did I...?" he prompted, unsure of where she'd been going with it. Tiraris's real questions gave him pause, though.

It wasn't unlike her to jump quickly between playful and serious and all around, but what she was asking now was something he'd thought might come up sometime later, or even never, but certainly not now during her training. "Me?" Of course, he knew it was for him.

Caden watched her face for a moment longer before he turned his head to look up at the sky as a hand came up to brush his hair over one shoulder instead of letting it fan out like it had been. The reasoning behind it was unknown, other than curiosity, but he felt she deserved to know whatever she wished to know of him. "Just keep living like I was, I suppose. Trying to avoid my family, too, much as that wasn't and still isn't working. For a long time I really hated my sister... Truly hated her. My parents I just... I'm not really sure. When we all sort of...diverged, I was much younger and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Ever. So I just...went with whatever came my way. For a long time." It wasn't lost on him that he'd kept his family history fairly veiled and always vague in his wordings. He still didn't much enjoy talking about them, much as they were all very much family by blood.

"I'm sure you already know quite a bit about me, or at least what was going on before we met. That's how I lived for a long time. For the thrill. For titles and fame -or infamy-, and I had to. My sister already stirs up enough dust on her own for us -my family- so I suppose my only real aspiration before we met was to lie lower than she was and not get hunted, jailed, or killed.

"But dreams... I wasn't even sure if it could still happen. Us, I mean. Matches are rare. I'd already decided that if it ever happened, if I ever found mine, that I would just want to have a full life with them; you, now. What that means for us... I just want to live as long and fulfilled of a life as we can together. Probably not much of a 'dream', but it's all I want, now. I've thought about where it might land us. What it might lead to. I guess...things are different now. I actually care about what happens, you know?" Caden took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a long moment, realizing just how much he'd said by now, how long he'd been talking. It beat tense, silent and aimless cloud-watching in his book, that was for sure.

"We've never really talked about this... okay, never. Um...what about you?" his voice was suddenly cautious, though he made sure to clarify, "Now, I mean. Is there anything you're hoping for? What do you want out of your future? Or anything you've sort of... always wanted, hm?"

[GoblinFae]

'No dreams? You really do not need me, do you Caden? Maybe I should not try for this. You would do better without me dragging you down. You were happy before me. You say I am your match and yet, when I see your face I do not know what to believe. You are not happy with me, that much I know. I want to see you happy again, Caden. How do I do that? How do I make you smile and laugh? I know you used to be so playful before you met me. Now you are nothing but on edge. This is all my fault. I wish I knew what to do to fix this.'

"Me," she sighed wearily. "I do not have dreams anymore. Not in a long time at least. When I was a little girl," a faint smile lit up her face, "I was a spoiled little brat and I knew it. I had everything I could ever want. I was the doll in the dollhouse and mistook the outside world as the one pretending. I never realized how wrong I was, until I tried to get married. I had lived a life confusing my mother's dreams for my own. Each marriage was a failure and a mark against me. Then, I figured it out. It was not me, it was her. I lost hope with the death of my seventh husband. I gave up dreaming with the death of my eighth."

Tiraris slowly sat up and faced Caden. She refused to look at him but, began to hesitantly play with the hair on his shoulder. As she spoke she weaved it around her fingers and into braids that she would just as quickly undo. "When I, killed, my eighth husband I stopped being song-weaver and became soul-stealer. I was no longer Tiraris, but Terror. The woman I was died, and the woman I became was born."

Finally, she looked over to Caden albeit, sadly. "When I am with you, I start remembering what I used to be. I miss that. The mask I have worn so long is finally falling. It is slow and painful, but I think the end will be beautiful."

She licked her lips nervously, but refused to move her gaze. "So what do I dream of, Caden? I dream of you. For the first time in my life, I do not feel like being selfish. All I want is to see you happy again. It kills me to see how I torture you like this. But," she trailed off giving a long sigh. "I do not know any other way. But, I am trying because I love you. I do Caden, love you. I really do."

Sharing a teary smile, Tiraris leaned over to give her love a kiss. Her hair pooled around them like a red sunset and her smiled widened. 'Our own little world.' With closed eyes she gently pressed her lips against his. An intense spark of pain raced through her and along her lips, sending her head shooting back in surprise. Gasping, she brought her hand up to rub her tender skin. Her face looked so vulnerable as she danced on the verge of tears. 'I am a blight on his life. He would do so better without me. All I do is hurt him.'

[Juno]

The picture she painted of her younger self was saddening to hear. It also did to remind him that he knew so little of her still except her character and what he'd gathered on his own as well as what she'd chosen to tell him thus far. It was a peculiar situation to be in, for sure, especially when he himself wanted to share more personal things with her and found himself unable to go through with it when the opportunity was presented. Thinking on it brought him back to their most recent outburst. Her words then rang so true to him.

Their relationship could not stand forever if they refused to patch the holes their secrecy with one another kept open. That was there problem, he thought. There were not just small cracks and rough edges, no, there were also gaping holes that they had constantly been tip-toeing around all these months. Partial stories. Partial thoughts and affections shared. At least on his part, he knew he had to work on these things if he ever had a shot at being together with her for good and actually feel secure in knowing she knew all but still chose to be there.

It bothered him to see himself so hesitant to be forthcoming with her, but it was not missed upon him that Tiraris shared just as little as he. The cycle needed to be broken, somehow, but just how to do it was something he wasn't sure he was ready to face. It was desperately wanted, though. To share with her. To know she was just as open. For him it was a matter of who would take the leap first as opposed to constantly switching around who dipped a foot in the murky depths. Was it even safe for them? What would happen when they did? Would it be anything good or something they both might regret?

Listening to her now, though, she sounded so sad even though she spoke of what she hoped for. It was ironic to him that Tiraris wanted parts of her past back, to return to a place where she could be happy while he could not move away from his fast enough and most of what he was going through was new. It stung to hear her say what she did. He didn't think she tortured him, but it pained his heart to know that she knew just how unhappy he was with their current situation. He knew he saw things differently, but to what degree he did not yet realize.

It had been nice, however, to feel her fiddling with his hair; such a comforting thing with her when he could not stand any other coming near it. Watching as she leaned in now, though, he hadn't missed the tears that seemed to pool in her eyes. "I know... It's okay," he whispered, trying to offer some small reassurance for the apology he felt from her words. Hoping to finally have a quiet, relatively peaceful moment with her, though, he'd soon closed his eyes and gave a brief smile as the light coming through his lids was shuttered by the curtaining effect of her hair. The moment was so bittersweet. Literally.

It was so tender, but only for the briefest time before he was feeling the searing pain zapping him. This time it wasn't just a spark but something much larger, as if her magic could not handle being disturbed in the slightest by him. Fingers immediately flew to his mouth, touching hesitantly at the now extremely sensitive flesh, his eyes snapping open to see her back above him now and looking terribly sad. "Tiraris," he mumbled forlornly, his voice kept low as the stinging of his mouth kept him from really speaking properly. With fingers still poking at the different sore spots along his lips, jaw, and neck he slowly rose to sit himself up, if hunched over a bit now.

"Uh... That wasn't supposed to happen, was it?" Caden tried to smile for her, forcing his lips to curl even though the slightest movement still hurt. "I'm sorry, love... I am very curious, though. Why do you think that you 'torture' me? Is there something that I'm doing to make you think that? Do I really look all that bad off?" Finally lowering his hand, not wanting to worry her with persisting to touch, he reached out to her now instead. It hovered just at her upper arm for a moment before light fingertips brushed down along the length of her arm instead. Violet eyes flickered as he searched her face, wondering if he was doing more harm than good.

[GoblinFae]

Still holding her lips, Tiraris shook her head as she tried to fight back the tears. "You call that," she pointed at his lip, "pleasant? I am hurting you, Caden. It is not just emotional now. It is becoming physical. Your actions are not what make me believe I am torturing you, love. I am not stupid. You used to smile a lot when I first met you. Yet, every week that goes by those smiles get less and less, until now they are even rarer than my own."

Hissing, she flinched away from him. Expecting pain, she was surprised when none came. Tiraris hesitantly settled into his light touch, casting nervous glances at their joined arms. She was waiting for her arm to suddenly burst into flame or self-combust from his touch. "I know Caden. You cannot hide it from me," she finally stated looking away from their arms to his eyes.

"I know how much us being apart kills you because I feel the same. Every time we see each other is more painful than the last. I never know if I can let you go again. You never know if it will be the last time you ever have to walk away. Every time I see you I want to beg you not to leave, to let me give up because I cannot stand the separation any longer. But, in my heart I know I must continue so that we can have a future together. It is just so hard Caden. I do not think I am getting any better. My power is stronger and my control is weaker. What good is teacher if the student does not learn?"

Tiraris let out another sigh and pulled a grumpy face. "I just-I feel-you know?" Her own incoherency made her chuckle. "I have come to far to fail. I just do not know what to do anymore. I feel so very much on edge all the time, especially with you gone. But, having you near makes me nervous I will," she waved her hand to his face again, "hurt you again. I know you are big and tough, Caden. But, how good does it make me look to force you into being that just so you can survive kissing your match?" She shook her head and flailed her hands in a sign of defeat. "I-I do not know anymore. I just do not know."

[Juno]

The increasing rarity of his smiles was something he himself hadn't noticed, but he had to fight the disappointment from learning this critical tidbit of information about her -that she noticed something like that about him and was bothered by it- from showing on his face. At least, he tried to fight it. He didn't like that it upset her so much, but he knew, too, that it wasn't just the lack of smiles, but their underlying problems.

He hadn't expected the shying away. Even though every touch had caused some sort of shock and pain, it made him feel just that much more hollow inside. She ended up bouncing back, though, and that helped, but he was unendingly cautious as his hand finally made its way down to gently clasp her own hand now before letting it fall altogether. He hissed in sharply for her statement, thinking at first that he'd definitely been found out, but either she wasn't going to expose him yet or didn't know what he'd been up to.

Caden felt guilty hearing her speak of "seeing" each other, or rather, the lack of seeing one another. He knew he couldn't blame his behavior on much of anything more than simply being territorial. He could have been good. He could have stayed away, a week wasn't going to kill him. Hell, a month wouldn't do the job. If it ever wore on, though... well, he wasn't sure he wanted to think about that. Instead of focusing on the mentioning of time, he zeroed in on the real issue at hand. "You can't give up," he barked, eyes narrowing just the slightest for the idea.

He knew if she ever did then they could say without a shadow of a doubt that months of their lives had been wasted. Wasted on searching. Wasted on trying. Wasted on arguing and fighting and being unhappy with their situation. Wasted what days there might have been peace for them. "I'm not going to deny that this is hard, Tiraris, but you have to do it! Maybe it's all part of the process. Maybe it's just how it has to be done."

Sighing, Caden reached back to lean against his hands. Closing his eyes for a moment, he focused on just the movements of air as he breathed and remained that way, body locked tensely, for a time. "I know it's a concern of yours, but I'm tired of hearing how worried you are of hurting me. I'm not fragile. I probably wouldn't be able to completely defend myself from your magic, especially as it is now, but I am not helpless. You know what I am, I know you do, but I don't think you understand just what I've gone through." It occurred to him as he spoke, though, that any mention of it had been brief and not detailed and that any knowledge she didn't have wasn't her fault, but his. Caden didn't care, though. At least, not right now.

"Magic is powerful, both good and bad. I know... And as far as kissing you..." he finally opened his eyes again and adjusted himself to lean on one arm as he raised a hand to poke at his chest where his scar was hidden under clothing, "I don't care and you aren't forcing me to be anything. You've done worse than zap me, love, and of your own choosing, too. But, don't forget I've seen it used for good as well."

Lowering his hand, he flopped back into the grass again, just staring up at the sky now, teeth gnashing together as he mulled over the crudeness of his language. "Love... I'm sorry. Things are just... hard, like you say. But I refuse to give up or see you give up. If you leave it partially done then you'll never know what will become of it. Unless it's a matter of...needing a break. Though, I don't know how good that would be for your studies... I don't know, either.

The choice is really yours. This is your life. Your magic, body, mind and heart. Do what makes you happy." Caden was blatantly disregarding the heated statements he'd made about not letting her leave and just how much he'd been contradicting himself, but all he said harbored his feelings on the matter. If she gave up, he knew there would be little he could do to help her on his own. Support her, sure, but there were wounds he could not heal and damage he could not undo.

"I'm sorry this is so stressful," he finally offered after another dip into silence. "Nothing worth attaining is ever going to be instantaneous or easy, love. It's up to you, though, to decide what you want." The presence of the mage peeking through a window from the hut at them went entirely unnoticed behind him, as did the pleased gleam in the man's eyes as Caden's own were trained upon Tiraris.

"Would you like me to come around more? Or maybe just...stay?"

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris had been willing to hold her tongue up until the point that Caden reminded her of the scar that marred his perfect body. He practically through it in her face that she had injured him before. She felt her heart breaking and tears quickly welled up in her eyes. Her lowered and her hair closed around her face like a silken curtain, hiding the tears that were close to falling.

'What do you know about how hard this is? How can I understand about you Caden when you refuse to talk about the past? We spend so much time living moment to moment and talking about an impossible future that we never bring up the past. How can we expect to go further forward when we ignore our roots? How can you just make statements like these and just lay back down like it is nothing? You remind me of how badly I have hurt you and then just leave it like that? I do not understand you. I wonder if I still want to.'

"Do what makes me happy?" she asked angrily, her voice hiding the tears that fell. "How can I when I can no longer remember what being happy means? I know Caden that this is not going to be easy or instantaneous. I am not a fool but, that does not make it any easier for me suffer through it. Telling myself that is a very different matter than living it on a constant basis. You cannot put this pressure on me alone. This concerns both our futures. Unless this is your way of saying you are done with me, you need to help me in this too. Caden, I cannot always make all the decisions, especially not when they affect us both. I cannot always be strong. Yet, I feel like every time I try to open up to you, you do this. Are we in this together, or not? Do you, or do you not want a future with me in it?"

Growling, she burst onto her feet again and crossed her arms turning her back to him. The tears were falling so hard now that her body began to shake from the effort to keep them silent. "No, Caden. I do not think it is a good idea if you stay. Then we are just at the beginning again." Tiraris threw up her hands and bit her lip. "I do not know! I just do not know." She turned and faced him, her face red from crying. "Caden I-" she stopped, looking up and placing her hand over her mouth as she just openly sobbed.

She no longer cared if he saw. She was done being strong. She was done caring anymore. Yet, as her gaze raised she caught that of another. The mage was watching them. For reasons unknown to her this man made her uncomfortable. If he had not been her teacher, she would have killed him already. But, whatever knowledge he had about her gift was enough to keep him alive, for now.

[Juno]

Remaining where he was, Caden refused to react as she bowed her head. Even when she stood, too, in such a burst of anger, he laid there just staring at the grass. Things were being stressed, the tension on the line so, so very dangerous right now. It was hardly any time at all before the next trigger tripped.

All in a rush, Caden scrambled to his feet. For the briefest moment his expression faltered for the obvious tears upon her face and the sharp noise of her sobs but that wasn't going to stop him now. Things needed to be said. Things needed to be made clear. His brows narrowed as he stood unmoving. Still arms hung at his sides but he made no move to touch her yet, and he just stared. "We're going to have problems if you keep questioning what I've already committed myself to a thousand times over. Do I really give you reasons to say such things? Have I not already stayed at your side these months?"

He thought he knew what she was getting at but his mind was already clouded with his anger that he was ignoring it, for now. "I've had it, Tiraris. This is utter bullshit." He held her by her shoulders as he closed the space between them, his arms coiling around her tightly, possessively. His head pressed against hers despite however much she might struggle. "I don't want to hear another word of this crap. I've given you so much of myself! I've tried! I hate all this fighting with you!

"You can't just ignore what's been done! Hurt me all you want. Make me suffer. Do whatever you want to me! Tell me anything! Ask me anything! Nothing would ever kill me as quickly as not having you anymore. I'm not leaving. I'm never leaving! But we need to fix this! You need to stay here! Learn, dammit! I'm not going to stand here with you after all this time just to let you fail!" Despite his best efforts, he could feel his fangs poking at his tongue now, and his eyes had already changed from the much softer ones of a human to the wilder, brighter ones of the demon.

[GoblinFae]

Every word he spoke cut her more deeply than the last. On the one hand, this was what she had asked for. Tiraris had wanted Caden to more vocal and aggressive about what he felt and desired. Yet, on the other hand she could not help but feel crushed by his attitude.

His caging embrace brought forth no reaction from her, save to make her sob harder. Fire surged through her veins demanding blood but, her heart would not allow her to harm him again. 'As he is fond of reminding me, I have done enough of that already,' she thought as her body shook from the effort of containing it all.

"Of all the flaws I have, of which I admit there are many, at least I can say that I do not share yours." Tiraris' voice hardly rose above a whisper, her tone carrying a weary bite to it. "At least when my loved one tries to talk to me I actually listen and focus on the important part instead of the poorly phrased one." She gave a defeated sigh and shook her head. "I am not going to argue with you right now Caden. I have a lesson to finish. Perhaps when we are both being more rational, we can better discuss this."

Leaning up, Tiraris pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek before turning to pull away. 'You are an idiot Caden! I am not talking about leaving and I am not questioning your support. I am tired of you pointing out that I have brought you pain. I love you and have never wished to hurt you, not even when I did.'

[Juno]

He knew she was crying, but his temper was rearing its ugly head, boiling up inside of him even as he tried to keep it calm. "Rational? We need to sort this out now." But she persisted, pulling away and ready to go off again like this was not happening with them right now. The kiss felt so fake, light, and like she was just trying to placate him. It was acknowledgement and abandonment all in one.

At first, his arms were slipping away from her."What are you talking about?! I want to talk. I'm trying to talk about this, and I'm not focusing on any one thing!

"How can you ask to talk later? Rational? Really? We're talking about it already and we should talk about it now! There's no reason for all of this running away from it. You keep running away from me. Kiss me and run away. Send me off again so you don't have to talk to me for a week. No. We are going to talk about it. Now. Right now." He, of course, had nothing to back him up besides his anger. No better time than the present? No. It wasn't reasonable to expect anything good to come of it now that they'd both become so heated.

Now, he was reaching for her again, hands already trembling with the threat of his claws burning just at the surface. "If you won't talk to me, then I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried. I really have. I give you what I can and you just hide yourself away with it all, like I don't deserve to hear what you have to say. I'm tired of it." He wasn't seeing how big of a tantrum he was throwing, but his voice had gradually been turning more throaty, a growl snaking under his breath.

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris did not miss the cues Caden was giving. She took shallow breaths trying to stay calm even as her beloved threw a temper tantrum that bordered on mania. His growling tone, shaking hands, and pointed teeth all warned her of just how close to danger she really was.

His arms raised out towards her though, did not entice her to run back to him. Rubbing her face wearily, she held her ground. "What do you want me to say, Caden? What do you want to hear? We go round and round in these never-ending circles. I do not know why, maybe it is out of fear, or maybe it just does not feel right at the time. I do not know. But, Caden please. I am so tired of fighting. I am begging you, just do not start this now. Please," she begged looking up at him with watery eyes.

"Caden I do want to talk. I agree we need to talk. But, I just do not know what to say. What do you need me to say that you think I am not saying?" Tiraris let out a small huff air and let her head fall down to her chest. "I am afraid. Is that what you want to hear, Caden? Do you want to hear how I am afraid and feel so alone even with you at my side? I feel like I am doing this on my own and that I cannot ask you for help. I do not know how. I cannot just go from being so incredibly independent to fully relying on another in a matter of a few short months. Damn it Caden, I said I was trying and that this was a problem before! I have been saying this all along and you have yet to do anything to help me with it. I do not know what to say to you; I do not know what I can say to you!"

She fell silent once more, shaking from the effort of containing the magic. The tears continued to fall but, anger was quickly rising in her heart. Tiraris hated this back and forth cycle of arguments they always seemed to have. She was tired of it all and tired moreso of not knowing what to do to prevent them. Each breath she took was taken slower and shorter than the previous until she was nearly not breathing at all. Her control was holding for now, but who knew how much longer she could continue this.

[Juno]

It wasn't that there was anything in particular he wanted. Just the smallest thing would have been enough for him. They could have talked of anything, easy or touchy in this, but all he really wanted to know was that she would stay through the end, that she would keep going. Her words just kept cutting at him, to hear some of her fears voiced, to hear that she felt alone nearly sent him over the edge right there.

Caden wasn't angry about her saying these things at all but rather knowing how little use he was to her in this. "I never had any expectations for you to rely upon me, " he growled as he took a slow step toward her, his lips parted slightly to accomodate his fangs and fists balled tightly at his sides. "And being independent doesn't mean you have to go along without any support either." Seeing how tense she was, though, and taking note of her shallow breathing, he took yet another step closer while watching the tears continue to streak down along her cheeks.

"We cannot keep going on like this," he said slowly, lowering his eyes as he felt the pinpricking pops all along his left hand, which he quickly unfurled again so as not to impale his hand as the claws appeared there. Holding it up for her, fingers splayed wide to display them for a moment, Caden just shook his head in disgust with himself before snatching his hand back down as he turned away. At first he was angled for the woods and the mage's hut, but he quickly corrected himself and pivoted again to brush past Tiraris, wordless save for the persistent growl under his breath, so he could head back toward the road.

[GoblinFae]

Every step he took forward was warily observed but, Tiraris was not about to back down. "Caden you are missing what I am trying to say. I want support. I want to be able to rely on you. But I do not know how. I-" she fell silent as the soft pops of his claws coming through interrupted her. She wanted to reach out and take his hand in her own when he showed it to her, but he was quick to hide it.

'Caden, what am I doing to you? This is all my fault. I am dragging you to the brink and holding you over it all the while saying "it is okay, just let go." I am a fool.' She watched him turn away from her for only a brief moment before she was right on his heels.

"Caden. Caden, please," she begged reaching out for him. "Please do not go, not yet. I want to talk!" Her hands finally latched onto him, one grabbing his elbow and the other pressing against his chest. However, it would be a move Tiraris would regret for years to come, for as she touched him the thin control she had over her magic, fractured.

Strong, painful waves of crackling energy ripped up from her core and out through her arms. She gasped sharply as the pain of the contact she made with Caden became unbearable. As quickly as she could, Tiraris let her arms fall away. Sobbing in horror at what she had done, she dropped gracelessly to her knees. Rocking back and forth she loudly bawled her eyes out, clutching her arms to chest. She could not even form intelligible words to plead forgiveness from the one she loved.

[Juno]

ooc: [Warning: Some graphic content ahead.]
ic:

Her pleas reached his ears, but the demon was already determined not to let this take a turn for the worst, as he feared it was about to. He footsteps behind him had him tensing up and as she felt her hands grip him he was just beginning to turn his head to look at her when it happened. Time seemed to slow down.

The initial jolts of pain were the worst. Rippling shockwaves of heat, of splitting pain slammed through his body at every point they touched. His arm felt as if it were on fire and an unusually familiar bubbling heat felt as if his very skin was boiling. The air around them crackled and his ears were full of sizzling, popping noise as well as the rest of himself instinctively changed to demon form even as it was yet to be free from her grasp.

A hum rang in his ears even as it was over as he stood for the briefest moment. His face twisted into three things: excruciating pain, a blaze of anger at her sobbing, and then a more understanding frown to realize that it was all just accidental. Those things flickering over his expression was all he had time for, though, as he crumbled to the ground, his body shaking as wave after wave of phantom pains ripped through him as the entire right side of his body felt like it was splitting open in a million places.

A strangled growl was the first sound that broke through as he slumped over onto his non-injured side. Looking down at himself he could feel the blood but the mess of obliterated flesh, the torn muscle, the notch of exposed bone near his elbow was immediately covered as he snatched the sleeve of his shirt closer around himself cover and hide what had just been done to him. The right side of his chest was a mess of puffy, burnt skin that radiated out from a center where her palm had been just moments ago, but that too was something he tried to cover up with what parts of his shirt were untarnished. Had it really been all that fast? Had it only been that short length of time and not the excruciating minutes he'd thought it had to have been? Yes. Just those few, critical moments had marred him now forever.

Right now he wasn't thinking about the future. He wasn't thinking about the additional scarring that would be left for this now. All he could hear was her sobs behind him and all at once he was desperately trying to roll over onto his back so he might see her. That, too, was a mistake, though, as moving at all increased the burning sensations and pinpricking pain tenfold. Finally flopping down, though, his face was tense with pain of both physical and emotional varieties as he looked upon his match with such an odd mixture of sorrow and understanding in his eyes.

Caden could not bring himself to speak, though, the very act of beginning that leaving him hissing in every shaky, shallow breath and groaning for the throbbing zaps that still reverberated in his mind to manifest with every movement he dared to make. Shaking his head slowly, he clenched his eyes shut as he forced himself to sit up a bit. With his torso twisted so that his injured side was turned away from her, he reached out yet again for her. "I'm okay," was what he could muster to whisper, albeit shakily still while trembling fingers reached to brush the ends of her hair. "It's okay, love."

[GoblinFae]

Tiraris shook her head frantically from side to side even as she pressed her forearms closer to her chest. "No you are not Caden. You cannot be alright! I am so sorry. I did not mean to, honest. Here let me see. I need to know how bad it is. Please Caden, I am so sorry. I know it must hurt."

'It has to hurt, Caden. You cannot lie to me when my own hands are red and raw from it. Gods above, what do I do to you? How you must hate me for things like this. I warned you I am dangerous, a monster and yet you continually insist you are strong enough for me. I hope that is true love. I certainly hope that I have been mistaken about this matter, for both our sakes and sanities.'

Her hands reached out to touch him and then recoiled backwards when she realized what she was doing. 'I just keep hurting him. If I touch him again I could kill him. I must not all ow that to happen.' She dropped her hands into her lap, wincing only slightly as the tender flesh was jostled about.

"I wish I could help you Caden. I am sorry that I am so useless and that I cannot even control the magic. I will try harder, I promise. I will not let this happen again!" Tiraris' expression was both pained and hopeful. While she had no idea to what extent she had harmed the cat demon, she did know that she had caused him pain and discomfort. This incident was enough break her heart and make her hate herself more. 'I swear to you Caden, if I cannot fix this then I will end this! I will not see you suffer again. You have done too much of that already for me. I am so sorry Caden, so sorry.'