Latent Dream (Summervale) [Cramler] [M]

[GoblinFae]

He shrugged slightly and moved onto the next box full of frilly, girly baby clothes. "I imagine when you have a traumatic life event you try to bury it all away and eventually you just forget it ever existed. Except when you're my mother everything troubles your nerves and so everything must be buried."

Theo pointed to each of the open boxes. "A daughter you never actually had. A Yule ruined by a sickly son. A mass exodus of servants over a rumored family scandal. I think if it was me it would just all be crates and crates of books. All because I ran out of shelf space in the entire house for more.

"What would your dragon hoard be?"

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher's eye widened for just a moment. He'd expected jokes and maybe a little argument — the usual. He hadn't expected something heavy and profound and laden with poignant history. And what did Fletch bury? He knew it wasn't what Theo was asking. The man didn't want him to dig up old pains for the sake of casual discussion. Still, it gave him pause as he touched on each and every box that he'd nailed shut and shoved away into the dark recesses of his mind.

But what would he collect until it had gone somewhere to gather dust? No one had ever asked him this. His dreams of excess as a child had been of food. As a young man, they'd been of money and power and women. Now, what did he collect? Besides cigarette butts and empty bottles and new scars, there wasn't much. It seemed strange to think about it so plainly: that he didn't aspire to riches anymore. That that part of him was long gone, and that whatever he wanted now — for the dead to return, for a friend to be free — was both intangible and beyond his reach. And how did you hoard those wants in boxes, and store them to gather dust?

"I don't know," he said truthfully. "If I had the money to own a house with its own storage rooms, I suppose I wouldn't choose to own the house at all...I'd be sailing again. To have something to do, mind. And people to do it with. So there'd be nothing to store, and nowhere to store it, save on the floor of a cramped cabin right next to the piss bucket," he finished with a cynical smirk.

[GoblinFae]

"...why do you stay on land then? There's plenty of ships you can have. Plenty more that would have you. If your heart longs for it that much, what stops you? Or...is it him?"

Theo couldn't ask if he was the reason. He was too afraid to know the answer, to be that which Fletcher resented most, to be what he considered least. It was hard to say what would hurt more; being the reason someone didn't get to do what they most desired or meaning nothing to them. 

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher cocked his head. The smirk softened and he peered curiously down at Theo as he considered what he'd been asked. There were a lot of answers to that question. Some of them he could say aloud. One of them wasn't wise to think about, let alone tell the man. "You fishing?" he joked before growing a bit more serious. "No, it's...I don't want to work under another captain, that's all. And I'm too...y'know...old to start out again as some arsehole's swabbie. I'd sail if the ship was mine. If I got to pick the crew. But that takes more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime, Theo. And besides, land has its own benefits. Can't tell you how shite it is to ration everything. So as I said: you're stuck with me."

He turned away to cough again, then returned his easy smile to the nobleman. "You really want me to be a pirate, don't you?"

[GoblinFae]

Theo blushed and looked horrified trying to sputter and back pedal even as Fletcher joked. He listened intently and it all certainly made sense. Restarting your life became more exhausting each time you did it and at some point it started to seem less worth it in his experience. 

He stared up at his bodyguard, eyes intense with sincerity despite the dark flush still lingering in his cheeks. "I really want you to be happy. Pirate, bodyguard, or otherwise. You're not one of my books. You're real."

[Nightcrawler]

His lips hung open before he realized he was doing it and snapped his mouth shut. How did a man even respond to that? To something raw and simple and kind? Theo had once again found a thing he'd never been told and had said it to him in such a way that he'd had no warning, no chance to put his guard up. His eye left the man's and found his boots instead. "Yeah. Well," he murmured. "Life doesn't like to give us happy, does it? Either of us."

Fletch scratched his stubble, lost in thought for a moment longer before he found his catlike balance again. He looked back up at his friend and knew then that he wanted the very same for him: freedom and happiness. A simple life. And he found himself once again wishing that he could be the one to pry Theo loose and take him there. It was a stupid thought. A dangerous thought. And Theo would go kicking and screaming the whole way, unless they found the right path forward.

"But these are the cards we've been dealt," Fletch added. "We do with 'em what we can. We make the most of the misery. And we don't fold until there's nothing left to gain. So I'm bodyguard, now, until this is finished. However it ends."

[GoblinFae]

"How ominous," he commented with a nod of agreement. "Well, I hope you gain what you want then and it's everything you hope for and more."

Theo sighed and returned to the crates. As they emptied he began to refill them into categories of things to throw, things to keep, things to give away, and things to display. Among the memories and junk he found more toys: soldiers, horses, and ships, more Yule decorations, some of which were still usable, baby memorabilia that actually belonged to him and not the expectation of him, and a lot of moths and moth-eaten clothes.

By the time he was done, Theo was directing Fletcher in putting the crates back in some semblance of order. The things for the rubbish heaps were left in a stack by the door for another servant to handle but the three additional boxes of toys still required bringing back down. 

"Do you think you can carry one and I'll get the other two? Save us a trip back up here?"

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher's rather wistful and determined expression fell promptly into one of irritation. How had Theo taken a statement of loyalty and interpreted it so badly? "'S not ominous," he complained, but it fell — quite literally — on deaf ears. It seemed Theo was done with that conversation, because he'd returned to his sorting and began to issue orders to Fletcher on where to return the boxes. After all was said and done, Fletch was once again out of breath, and he leaned against the hallway wall again to catch it. "Damn this dust," he muttered, but he stood up straight when Theo asked him to carry a box. "Well sir, I just don't know how I'll manage," he jabbed as he bent to lift it. "So glad you're here to do the heavy lifting."

[GoblinFae]

"One of us has to," he quipped back while struggling some under the strain of lifting two. There was stubbornness written in the lines of his body. While the months of training with Fletcher had strengthened him some, his bodyguard remained the stronger of the two of them. And yet Theo felt such a desperate need to prove himself as strong and capable. It was as if a small part of him still quietly begged for Fletcher to change his mind, to love him and want him without holding back as he was. He wanted to be a worthy partner. He wanted to not be seen as some frail, weak bird in need of constant care and protection.

But, as he dragged the crates down into the kitchen again with every muscle screaming in protest, Theo did not think he could feel any more pathetic. He was breathing hard with beads of sweat on his brow by the time he was done but the solid thump of them being placed down allowed him a soft cry of triumph. 

"Well that wasn't so bad," he commented while turning to beam over at Fletcher. It was in the light of the open kitchen window that Theo was able to take in the other man's appearance properly and oh how he giggled. 

"You're so dusty," he laughed. "I think you need a bath. You look like you lost a fight against a spider."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch raised a brow. "Speak for yourself. You look like a ghost became a ghost," he shot back. Still, at the sound of Theo's laughter, he allowed himself a quiet chuckle. "But...yeah. Probably should go clean up. Dust is getting to me more than I thought. And someone probably doesn't want cobwebs getting in the soup," he added with a nod at Kenna.

[GoblinFae]

"Ooo~," Theo replied raising his hands and pretending to be spooky. He apologized to Kenna before motioning with his head back to the stairs. 

"Back up we go! I need a bath desperately. I feel like I have hundreds of little bugs crawling all over me. Silly moths get me every time," commented while trudging off to the second floor but this time into his rooms. 

Once inside he lowered his voice as he looked over Fletcher. "Would you like to use my bath to get yourself cleaned up first? Alone. Keeps you from getting in trouble for tracking stuff all over the house or for leaving your post. I don't mind waiting."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch followed along behind him, frowning in his confusion at being directed upstairs and away from the servants' washrooms. That frown quickly disappeared into more coughing and wheezing, and by the time he reached the top of the stairs, his lungs itched fiercely again. "Never letting you rope me into this again," he managed as they made their way down the hall and into Theo's room.

Maybe the man just wanted to wash up first. That was fine. Fletch wasn't fussed. "I'll just wait out there," he began before the nobleman spoke up. At Theo's offer, though, he stopped mid-turn and his brow went up again. He looked Theo over like he was short a few marbles. "Don't you think that's a bit of a terrible idea?" he murmured.

[GoblinFae]

Theo shrugged and plopped down into one of his chairs. A cloud of dust surrounded him at the movement making him sneeze and cough and shake his head as if to disperse it away from his face and not send more of it from his hair into his face.

Once he was settled, a little red from embarrassment but trying desperately to play it cool, Theo plucked up his book and opened it as if to read.

"It's only terrible if you get caught. Best be quick about it then."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher continued to stare at him with that same incredulous look as the man turned away and calmly found a place to lounge. A few seconds passed in silence. He looked behind him at the door, then back at Theo, who seemed determined to maintain a false air of mild disinterest. He tutted. "You're a shit," he grumbled finally, and went to turn the lock. He strode quickly for the washroom, pointing an accusatory finger as he passed. "An absolute shit," he repeated. "You know that?" Then he disappeared behind the screen and away from Theo's view.

Fletch wasn't as quick about it as he should have been, though. At the sight of that room again, his mind wandered to the last time he'd been here. To fading in and out, ears ringing, as Theo cleaned the blood and mud and ashes from his skin. To the water running red off Theo's hair. He looked down at the tub. He realized then that he didn't want to use it. He didn't want to be so vulnerable in a room full of memories — especially ones as tangled up in grief and touch as those.

He rounded the screen again, just as dusty as before, though now burdened with a quiet seriousness that he hadn't been when he entered. "I'll just use my room," he informed Theo. "You use yours. Knock when you're done."

[GoblinFae]

Theo pretended he didn't see the man's words from the corner of his eye but the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth said otherwise as did the soft poorly restrained snort. He firmly kept his feet in the ground to sense for approaching footsteps and an eye to the bedroom door when Fletcher came right back out none the better. 

There was an air of reservation surrounding the man that sobered Theo's teasing mood in an instant. His book was easily and quickly discarded as he got to his feet in concern and called softly after the man.

"Jack..." Theo hesitated. The gap between them was too large for him to reach across with the amount of care and concern he so desperately wanted to offer. What could he say to offer comfort? Would it even be accepted?

Theo smiled weakly and nodded his head as he headed the way Fletcher had come from. "Thank you. I'll let you take care of yourself. I shouldn't be long," he claimed before making his own retreat, still too much of a coward to do what his heart screamed for him to. 

[Nightcrawler]

His own room was better. His mind could be quiet here — and it quieted down even further with another nip or two of whiskey. Or three. Or four. He lost count, honestly. Did it out of habit while he filled the basin and found a cloth and cleaned the dust and cobwebs off. Then he refilled his flask and slid it back in his coat pocket, took the thing off, and cleaned it, too. Then his trousers and boots. His breathing eased as the dust died down. That was a relief. Sometimes, when he'd get a bit of a smoker's cough, he did wonder if the rest would come back. But so far, nothing.

When he was done, Fletch poured a glass of clean water and washed the smell of whiskey out of his mouth. He caught sight of himself in the mirror as he did: tired and troubled and bloodshot, and maybe a little guilty. He straightened his back and forced his face to do anything else but give away the weight of his habit. Then he sat down on the bed and picked at his nails and waited for Theo.

[GoblinFae]

Ensconced in the safety of the bathing chamber where the likelihood of being perceived was next to none. He braced himself on the basin before the mirror and took in the sorry sight of him. Cobwebs and dust coated his hair, his face, his brows, his clothes. There was not an inch of him not covered in grime and for a moment he had to laugh hollowly at it all.

Theo remembered standing in front of the mirror and a pretty future Baron staring back. Yet, the vagabond before him felt more true to himself. Is this how it would have been if he and Elijah had been successful all those years ago in running away? Dirty, weary, but happy? Would he have truly been happy? He had thought then that he was but he hadn't know Fletcher back then.

"Oh Jack," he sighed softly while turning on the water to the tub and beginning to wash up. "What am I doing to you?"

It was as he knelt in front of the tub though to wash his hair that a memory resurfaced. Ice crept down his spine and suddenly he realized what may have upset Fletcher so much. The last time he had knelt at this tub or had his hair washed over it was that awful, soul-wrenching night. And as far as he could remember, Fletcher hadn't been back in this room since.

Tears welled in his eyes. Theodore felt sick with guilt and disgust. How could he have been so foolish and callous? How could he have cracked jokes so thoughtlessly? How did Fletcher keep managing to come back after each sting? Was that why he drank? Was Theo driving him mad with everything? Was this a regular occurrence? How long had it been going on for before Theo saw?

He hastened with scrubbing up and changed even faster before giving a gentle knock to the door. "All good, Jack." Theo kept his back to the door, too afraid to face Fletcher lest he attempt to fly into his arms and embrace him again. Instead he focused his efforts on very poorly attempting to stoke the fire and add more wood to it as if he could transfer the flames of his affection or burn them away.

[Nightcrawler]

He jumped at the knock. He'd let his mind wander back to that night again, exploring every fold and ripple of want and anguish, and before he knew it, minutes had passed and Theo was done. Fletch shook his head at where he'd allowed himself to go. There was no good that could come of lingering there, and yet, with a little drink in him and that spark of memory in the washroom, he was a moth to flame at every thought of holding Theo. Of running his hands through Theo's hair, and holding his face to clean the wound. It just reminds you of him, that's all, he thought bitterly as he rose from the bed. It scared him that this was the trade that whiskey offered: a moment of peace for a loss of discipline. He wanted both, damn it. He needed both.

After taking a second to compose himself, Fletch passed back through the door and found Theo by the hearth. He stopped and watched for a moment, eye darting between the nobleman and the haphazard stack of wood, before finally speaking up. "You trying to burn the house down, or...?" But Theo couldn't read him, obviously, with his back turned like that. Grumbling beneath his breath, he approached the fireplace and knelt, snatching the fresh wood back out of the flames and leaning it against the hearth. "Can I show you? So you don't kill us all? And then we should, you know...figure out this business with your fiancée."

[GoblinFae]

Theo startled as Fletcher knelt down into view and jerked the wood back he had been trying to set to flame. Sheepishly he nodded his head and signed 'yes,' as if speaking would draw more attention to his embarrassing attempts.

He moved back to sit in his chair, his face looking far more grey and drawn than when he'd been covered in aging cobwebs and dust. "Do you have any thoughts or suggestions on the matter? I'm afraid I still don't know exactly what to do. I'm afraid of making things worse or putting you at greater risk again. I am sorry by the way I left you two alone. I never considered she'd be so...slimy."

[Nightcrawler]

"Here," Fletch muttered. He added half the wood back, scraping the hot coals into a unified bed and setting the logs up lengthwise in an orderly fashion. "Building a bloody bonfire in the damned house," he tutted to no one as he fixed what Theo had started. After it was done, he stood and turned towards the nobleman, wiping his sooty hands off on his coat. "I don't," he replied with a wince. "Not more than I've already said. You know it's not my world. If she was common, I could have it sorted in a week. But she's one of you, so...I'll help, but you've got to tell me what we're doing." He paused, frowning and looking Theo over. "Something wrong? You look a bit peaky."