Stuck in the Snow... and Lost

[stelmarisa]

Focussing on the baby fire, Kaven had been totally unaware of Zurna's gaze upon him. Particularly, as he wasn't keen on the idea of messing up something as basic as a fire with her watching.

"I can do it," Kaven picked up the flapping trout with some distaste. He could kill and cook animals and fish, yes, but it wasn't a task that he always relished. "You focus on getting the next one." With one swift motion he had killed the fish, and slid it onto the rod provided, propping the whole contraption up over the fire so that the fish could cook slowly.

Suddenly hearing the splash, he leapt up, eyes wide as he saw Zurna sitting in the water. In spite of himself, his lips curled and he began to laugh as she did, reaching out one hand to take the fish from her, and the other to help her out of the stream. "So much indeed! You'll freeze to death if you keep those wet clothes on, though!" His smile faded as he considered the problem.

"How about we get you in my coat, as soon as we've sorted this fish out?"

[GoblinFae]

"No really I'm fine," she protested through chattering teeth. "I just need to sit by the fire and I will dry off in not time." Zurna shuffled her way over to the fire, dropping her drenched wrap to the side as she flopped down in front of the warming embers. "See," she said rubbing her hands together rapidly. "No harm done."

'Can't have both of us freezing to death. If he takes his coat of for me, he will be so cold. He is not used to weather like I am. It's better this way,' she tried to reason with herself. 'I don't want him to get sick because of my clumsiness.'

Zurna hunkered closer, now rubbing her hands around her chest and sides in order to generate heat. "I'll take care of the fish," she said reaching her hands out for it, the stick now resting across her crossed legs. "Come talk with me."

[stelmarisa]

"Hmmm," Kaven eyed Zurna suspiciously as she shrugged off his offer. She looked pretty cold to him, and her clothes were soaked through. He moved towards her and crouched down. "I still think you need an extra layer.... look at you." He reached for a wet strand of hair, pushing it away from her neck gently. "I don't want you to get ill... then your brothers really would kill me!"

Settling onto his knees, he shrugged off his coat and held it out, motioning for her to put it around her shoulders. "Please. If you won't take off those wet things, at least use this as a barrier from the cold until you dry out a bit."

He widened his eyes, going for an exaggerated 'cute' look. "Please, Zurna Nali?"

[GoblinFae]

Moss colored eyes shifted between staring at the coat and its owner. "If I wear it then what will you wear? My brothers wouldn't kill you for that, only maim you. I would much rather have you alive and beaten by my brothers than dead from frostbite," she giggled despite her words. "And don't for a second that those eyes will work on me. You forget, I am the only daughter and have twenty-five older brothers. I am well-versed in the power behind those eyes, Kaven Damal."

Zurna smirked back at him, before scooting closer to the fire. She worked on unbraiding her sopping hair and wringing it out. She knew getting that and her feet dry would greatly help with her warmth issue. Fluffing her hair out by the fire and flicking water droplets about, she looked over to Kaven with a tilted head. "Unless you can figure out a way for us to share that coat together, I'm not wearing it," she teased him playfully.

[stelmarisa]

He smiled and sighed as Zurna rebuffed his attempts to give her the coat. "Fine... it's not my best trick anyway," he laughed, dropping the cutesy expression. "My sister however, is an expert in using it... it must be a little-sister thing." He teased her gently, watching as she unbraided her hair.

Watching her fingers working through her dark hair, he smiled to himself unconsciously, noticing for the first time how pretty her hair was. He felt an inexplicable urge to be the one combing through it, instead of her, and almost reached out to touch... That was when the water droplets splattered onto his face, shaking him from his reverie.

He laughed and put the coat back on, rising to her challenge. "Okay... so why don't we both wear it? It's a big coat..." He scooted up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist so that the large coat followed suit, enveloping them both in its warm folds. "How's this?" He said against her ear, hoping that she wasn't about to slap him for getting too close.

[GoblinFae]

Her eyes widened as he quickly maneuvered them into a cuddled position. Her cheeks became inflamed and she lowered her head shyly. Zurna was at a loss for words. "Now we will both be wet," she mumbled into her damp hair. The weight of his arms around her waist, sent chills up and down her spine. Blaming it on the cold, she snuggled back closer to his warmth.

With lowered head, she pressed her cheek to her shoulder and looked over to him through her lashes. "It's...fine," she said, smiling softly. Tentatively, Zurna allowed herself to lean back and relax into his embrace. 'He's so sweet. I must have kept him up half the night with my dreams and here he is, out in the cold helping me and now looking after me.' She took a slow calming breath, registering his scent and smiling with half-mast eyes. "Mm, smell nice," she whispered under her breath. So comfortable was she, that she did not even realize she had spoken aloud.

[stelmarisa]

Confident that he wasn't about to be slapped, Kaven relaxed into the cuddle, pulling Zurna close to him. He rested his chin on top of her head, one hand combing through her hair gently, smoothing it away from her back. He felt a warm rush of comfort spreading through him as he sat, still petting her absent mindedly, and let his eyes half-close against the light of the fire, his mind blissfully blank.

"Hmm?" He heard her speak, so quietly he thought for a moment that he'd imagined it. He took a second to register what she'd said, then grinned. "Well, thank you, Miss Nali." He tilted his head down, speaking into her hair. As he finished, he dropped a kiss on top of her head and tightened his arm around her waist.

[GoblinFae]

Kaven's warmth and soothing touches left Zurna relaxed to the point of falling asleep right then and there. She loved the feeling of his fingers running through her hair and along her scalp. It was reminiscent of her childhood when her mother would do the same. The gesture had always been comforting, even now it brought a lazy smile to her lips.

'Is this what it's like?' she thought as he held her tighter and kissed her head. 'Is this what Sonia feels when Yotar holds her? Is this what I have been missing out on?' Her thoughts began to trail off as she dozed lightly, listening to the fire crackling and Kaven breathing. Zurna's head lolled back onto his shoulder as she burrowed deeper into his warm embrace.

A while later, a particularly loud pop from the fire startled her back into alertness. Jumping slightly, Zurna's eyes flew open and she looked around before she remembered where she was. Blushing, she realized how improper her current position was. 'He was only trying to keep me warm. We weren't doing anything!' her mind protested, already thinking of how her brothers would react if they knew. Looking over to the fish she noticed that the one was starting to burn and the other was smoking. "The fish!" she cried pulling away from his embrace to get to the food.

[stelmarisa]

Eyes closed, Kaven had been in a world of his own, dreaming of past times. He hadn't loosened his grip on Zurna, but allowed himself to relax into her, his cheek resting against her hair. For the first time in months, he dared to dream of the possibility that he may be happy again, that perhaps all hope was not lost. He sighed deeply to himself, and was about to speak when Zurna pulled forwards.

"Oh - the fish!" His eyes snapped open as she rushed away from him, a flicker of disappointment evident on his face. "I forgot about that." He forced a casual smile, reaching out for the fish.

[GoblinFae]

As Kaven went for the food, Zurna reached into her rucksack and pulled out a pair of wooden bowls. Smiling shyly up at him before looking back down at her hands, her cheeks flushed again. She quietly helped him dish out the food. If her hands brushed against his more than necessary, Zurna was not about to admit it.

Sitting back down in the snow, she bowed over her food, uttering a silent prayer in thanks. Zurna never raised her head again, as she played with her food. 'Say something! What does one say after...cuddling? Get a hold of yourself Z! It's not like he wants to marry you, he just was trying to keep you warm.'

"Thank you," she motioned her hand as if searching for the word, "for you know." Tearing a piece of fish off with her fingers, she half-heartedly began to nibble on it before wincing and dropping it back into the bowl. "Still hot." She smiled up at him before looking at the snow to his left. "Sorry it's not much. I'm nothing like the cook my mother is. You should have better fare tonight."

'What am I doing? Why do I feel like I am missing something? I wish he would hold me again. Wait! Where did that come from? I must be getting sick,' she thought shaking her head slightly. Zurna placed one hand on her forehead, rubbing it as if to ward of an oncoming headache. 'I am just getting sick, from the cold. That must be it. Mother is going to skin me alive for this.'

[stelmarisa]

"Hey, you brought bowls!" Kaven smiled, properly this time, and took his food off Zurna. "Clever," he remarked light-heartedly, not expecting her to be carrying crockery around in the snow. He fell silent as she prayed, letting her finish before he began to eat.

"You don't need to thank me," he said warmly, as she fumbled. "I would warm you up any time, Zurna." He was dimly aware that he was flirting, taking himself by surprise. It was a nice feeling though, able to enjoy light-hearted discussions with a woman, without feeling that nagging guilt within him. "And the food is delicious," he added, taking care to blow on the fish before he ate.

As he did, he looked with some concern at Zurna rubbing her head. "Are you alright? Do you feel ill?" he asked, eyes full of worry.

[GoblinFae]

'Warm me up anytime?' she blinked. 'Did I hear that right? Is he...flirting with me? No, definitely getting sick.' She shook her head again. "I'm fine," she replied, letting her hand fall away. "I just didn't sleep well last night. Nothing to worrry about."

Zurna shared a bright smile with him before a question from earlier plagued her. "Speaking of sleep, when you dream, do you see the dreams of others? Or is that more of intentional thing, you can only do it when you want to do it?" She stared at him intently, her mind reflecting on past fears and memories, shadowing her moss eyes. 'Did I keep you up last night? Were those my memories you dreamed of?'

[stelmarisa]

He nodded solemnly, taking her answer as it was. He had sensed a disturbance in her sleep when they had been huddled together in the night, but didn't know details beyond that. He assumed she would say when she was ready.

"I don't exactly, no," he replied cautiously. This was sometimes a point of contention with people. "I can often pick up on ... vibes from a person's sleep, if they have extreme emotions. That is outside my control, I'm afraid. But don't worry - I would never - and could never - actually be party to a person's dreams without their consent." He smiled as he tried to reassure her, misunderstanding the reasons behind her question. "I can't spy on people!" He joked.

[GoblinFae]

"Oh no!" she exclaimed sitting up straighter. Zurna moved her hand over towards Kaven's arm. "I never meant to imply that you would be. That was far from my mind actually." She smiled encouragingly at him. "I understand that the gods give us gifts to use in life. Some of us just have more unique ones than others."

She bit her lip, settling back into a more relaxed position. "I was just wondering. We both seemed to have disruptive sleep. Is it possible you picked up my...vibes? Could what I dreamed of have triggered a similiar upsetting dream for yourself? I think you said earlier this morning that they were memories." Zurna hesitated to continue, biting her tongue hard enough to draw blood. "I too was plagued by memories," she softly volunteered.

'Even now,' she thought as flashes of that day danced before her mind's eye. 'Always haunted. It never ends.' A youthful voice, an echo of the past, seemed to float across the wind, carrying words she wished she could forget. Zurna found herself unable to meet Kaven's eyes any longer. Instead she moved it to focus on her cooling food.

[stelmarisa]

"I know your sleep was disturbed." He spoke more freely now that she had broached the subject. "I could sense that something was wrong, but no, without a bond between us I don't know what you were dreaming... and I'm sure you'll be glad to know that your own dreams did not impact mine. I have these dreams every night - I don't know what they are, or what they mean." He sighed and cast his eyes downwards briefly, before turning to focus on Zurna's confessions.

He reached out to touch her shoulder, rubbing it gently as he encouraged her. "What is it you dream of, Zurna? If it is not too painful to speak of, you can trust me, and perhaps I can help you."

[GoblinFae]

"A living nightmare, a memory of..." her soft voice trailed off. Zurna could feel the tides of guilt and regret pulling her in. The emotional undercurrents were already starting to weigh her down, trying to drown her.

"As beautiful as my homeland is, it is just as deceptively dangerous. Death is an unavoidable aspect of life. We all know this," she shrugged. "It is up to us, whether we choose to accept it or not. Personally, I choose to accept it."

Zurna's brow furrowed as she shook her head. "I had a very different perspective of life when I was a child. I knew of death and loss but, I had never experienced it. I had never lived it," she added in a whisper.

Suddenly a perfectly clear image formed in her head. It was as if a ghost had returned from the dead and implanted itself with in her mind. The youthful face of a young boy, smiled at her. His curly brown hair and cornflower eyes served as reminders of the things she had loved about him. 'Play with me, Z!' his eyes seemed to call to her. 'I can't Ezra,' she mentally replied. 'You're dead.'

The wooden bowl fell from her numb fingers, spilling its contents and rolling across the ground. Zurna was lost in her own grief and regret. She had forgotten about Kaven, now completely entrenched within her buried memories.

[stelmarisa]

Kaven hurried over as Zurna dropped her bowl, rushing to take her in his arms. "Zurna... Zurna." He called out to her, seeing her faraway expression. Turning her head in towards his chest he pulled her close, rocking them back and forth.

As he held her close he wondered what it was that had such a hold on her. It would be easy to connect with her, and drop down into that level of consciousness where he could share her visions, but he was loath to intrude on her distress. "Zurna!" he spoke more urgently this time, trying to call her from her nightmares.

[GoblinFae]

Zurna was long gone from the real world. She could not feel the warmth of Kaven's body, the comfort of his arms; she could not hear his voice in her ear. She was lost, floating in a sea of her own making. Her subconscious drifted along until she came to a stop before a memory of snow and blood.

Slowly she walked through the snow, falling right into the memory. The cold air, the crunch of the snow beneath her boots, the fog, it was all so real. It was all the same. "Z!" a jubilant voice called from her right. Turning, Zurna encountered little Ezra again. "Come play with me!"

"I can't Ezra. This isn't real. This isn't real," she tried to remind herself, looking away. A child's scream had her whipping back though. Where the little boy had been standing now lay a tiny bloody corpse. "No!" her mind cried out as her feet pulled her to drop in front of the body. Tears traced down her cheeks in both her mind and the real world as she pressed her hands against the unmoving chest, trying to stop the bleeding. Looking from the mutilated face back down to her hands, she gasped. Her hands were no longerher own. Or rather they were nearly half the size of her own. 'Child's hands,' her mind supplied.

Pulling her hands away she watched in fascinated horror as the blood ran off and dripped from her hands to stain the pure white snow. 'Red snow. Blood snow. Dead snow.' Her hands shook as she stared at them.

"Murderer! Forsaker! Deserter!" Zurna looked over in shock as the vitriol spewed from the corpse's mouth. "You killed me Z! You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to look out for me. You let me die. This is all your fault! You should have died! I would be alive if I had never met you!" The decaying corpse sat up, causing Zurna to back away in fright. It began to advance on her and she crab walked backwards as fast as she could, out onto a thin sheet of ice.

Her hands slipped and she fell hard onto her back and screamed as the cadaver climbed up onto her chest and began strangling her. "Liar! Killer! Kinslayer! Traitor!" the youthful voice cackled. "Die!" it shrieked, raising its fist and slamming it into the ice. Zurna felt a jolt of fear plunge through her as she listened to the spiderweb of cracking ice surround her. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in a soundless scream.

[stelmarisa]

((Still in AWE of that post! o.O))

As Zurna failed to respond, limp in his arms, Kaven grew more and more concerned. "Zurna!" He shook her shoulders, desperately trying to get her to awake. But nothing worked. He chewed on his lip, knowing what he was going to have to do. Zurna was in trouble, and he could never help her if he didn't take the plunge. He closed his eyes, face turned towards the heavens. Forgive me... he prayed silently, but whether to Zurna or to a god, he wasn't sure.

Taking a breath, he brought her to him again, entwining his fingers in her hair. As his palm made contact with her scalp, a glow, like that of candlelight, emitted from his fingers and grew to envelop the two. His breathing grew slower, his heartbeat slowed, and he felt himself dropping down the levels of consciousness, to where Zurna was trapped.

His eyes snapped open, although they saw none of the icy landscape around them. His mind filled with the same pictures that tormented Zurna, fast-flowing and vivid. Watching the scenes play out, he felt Zurna's terror flow into his body, churning his stomach. Calm... he warned himself, consciously making the effort to replace the fear with a more peaceful feeling, although he held back from letting the energy flow into Zurna. He couldn't work his magic on her - not here, not like this, not without her consent. Instead he continued watching mutely, horror filling his mind as he understood her subconscious for the first time.

"Die!" As the thing rushed towards them, Kaven drew back from the scene, withdrawing his mind. As he did he mentally nudged Zurna, allowing his subconscious to gently touch hers. Zurna... Zurna, wake up. Come back to me he whispered, hearing the words reverberate between their minds.

[GoblinFae]

The ice cracked and gave way, plunging Zurna down into freezing water. The moment she hit the water she was shocked back out of the memory and back into the floating sea of subconsciousness. Stunned she just let it take her where it would, allowing herself to retreat further and further within herself.

As if from miles away, she heard a distant voice calling her by name. 'Wake up? But I don't want to. So tired. Sleep. Come back? Why does that sound so familiar? Who is calling me?' Zurna started to fight the current slightly, but found it to be exhausting, for every push she made forward, she was pulled back twice as fast and thrice as far.

"Give up, Z!" A voice cackled in her ear. Zurna was only able to gasp in shock before she was plunged under the current. Again she screamed but no sound escaped her lips. She felt herself fading and her vision turning black. Just as she was about to become forever lost in her own mind a startling realization hit her. 'This isn't real.' Her eyes slowly opened and she gazed up through the waters towards the corpse. For a moment the skull before her shifted to Ezra's sweet face before flickering back. "This isn't real!" her mind shouted.

A blast from this consciousness tore Zurna up through the layers of her mind and into the real world. Harshly gasping for breath, she felt the frigid tundra air slice into her windpipe. Her right hand shot up to grasp her throat and the left juncture of neck and shoulder. Wild eyes looked about her surroundings trying to judge the difference between real and imagined.

Terrified and weary, Zurna unconsciously leaned back into Kaven, seeking his warmth and his safety. Her chest rattled with each shaky breath as she closed her eyes and ran her hand along the four pearly scars crossing shoulder, collarbone and lower throat into the sternum. Her body shook with the effort to hold it together. In a self-soothing motion she began to rock herself back and forth, trying to calm herself down.

Opening her eyes, she finally noticed what she was doing and more specifically whose lap she was in. She raised wary eyes up to his face, before looking away in shame. 'He must think me insane. Or he pities me. Which is worse? Does it matter? I really am a monster.'