Latent Dream (Summervale) [Cramler] [M]

[GoblinFae]

His eyes snapped up as he drew his legs back into himself thinking he had been in the way. It was only as he caught the moving hands that he realized what Fletcher was doing and a fluttering warmth spread through his chest. Even in public, even in a low moment, Fletcher was there providing comfort. Theo wanted nothing more than to press his knee back into Fletcher's and obtain more grounding contact. But he knew better with the presence of his parents and his lover's own resistance to touch currently.

The carriage had barely come to a stop at their destination though before Theo was practically throwing himself out of it. He earned much admonishment he couldn't hear from his parents for not letting Fletcher go first but his focus was more on leaning against the side of the carriage and catching his breath.

"I can't do this," he whispered under his breath while running a hand down his face. "I want to go home."

[Nightcrawler]

He was in the middle of helping the Baroness down — and trying not to scowl too harshly at her — when he noticed. Theo hadn't found any relief in the fresh air outside the carriage. In fact, he seemed to have gotten even worse. Fletch glanced between the man and his parents, and it dawned on him that he couldn't be soft in this moment. He couldn't at all. He grimaced at the thought of what he had to say and shut the carriage door to buy himself some time. Then he turned to Theo.

"No, come on, now, sir. We're here, now. You might as well enjoy it. Let's head in."

[GoblinFae]

He took one, deep, fortifying breath and then plastered on his fake smile and gave Fletcher a nod. "Of course, Mr. Daw. How silly of me to be so nervous. I've seen my fiancé countless times now. No difference between home and work so many watching eyes. Thank you, I'm good now."

Theo gave another smaller headbob of a more genuine nature while meeting the other man's eyes before straightening himself and beginning to escort his mother inside. The noble mask fell back into place but there was a crack in it. His eyes no longer looked as enthused to the point that when Edwina joined them she asked after him, pressing her palm to his forehead to check his temperature. Theo gently drew her hand back down and away and released it.

"I am well, I assure you, Lady Obower. You need not worry for me and might I say your dress is lovely. Red is such a classic color for this time of year."

The woman twittered and giggled, doing her best to cling to him and never being allowed to touch for too long as Theo repeatedly maneuvered her into more polite positions and touches.

"Is Mr. Truckett here tonight?"

"I'm afraid not. After the incident at our last ball it was deemed best to have only experienced guards on staff tonight."

"Oh," she replied, trying to cover up her disappointment before smiling brightly and once more attempting to cling to his upper arm. "We'll have to find some mistletoe tonight. Although I don't think I've seen any in Lady Fjene's decorations. How gauche of her."

"Perhaps for the best. Can you imagine the number of couples taking advantage of it and so early in the season?"

"Oh yes! Best to keep the anticipation up!" Edwina eyed Fletcher up and down with a large grin. "Do you have someone to drag under the mistletoe this year, Jack?"

"—Mr. Daw is from the north. I'm not sure they do that where he's from," Theo quickly interjected blushing deeply at the thought. "Oh is that Lady Diene and Lady Gergene over that? Would you like a moment to talk to your friends dear?"

Edwina squealed and bounded off without being told twice, giving the two men a blessed moment of peace. "Is this ball almost over?" Theo asked exhausted, knowing it had barely even begun.

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch barely followed their conversation. He didn't want to pay attention to it at all, mind, but he thought Theo was worth keeping a closer eye on. The man wasn't in a good state, and Fletch would no doubt be adding to his misery here and there as he kept up the act.

"I'll drag you into your own grave, woman," he muttered beneath his breath as the girl made her retreat to burden some other poor sod with her grating presence. He turned to Theo, his irritation lingering. "The bloody hell is missile-toe? Sounds awful. Erm. You look like hell. Do you need a drink? I can find you one."

[GoblinFae]

He snorted softly. "Not worth muddying your hands," he replied back through his teeth. The blush returned though at the reminder of mistletoe and Theo avoided Fletcher's eyes hoping to avoid explaining that one.

A drink though, it was foolish but it sounded like an excellent excuse to escape this show. "A big one. Maybe if I get stupid and drunk I can go home." Theo nodded with a deep sigh. "Yes please."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch snorted at the thought. He'd never seen Theo truly drunk. The closest the man had gotten — that he knew of, anyway — was on that awful wine he'd dug out from beneath the floorboards. And while this was hardly the venue to test him when, Fletch would never turn someone down for needing to drink their misery away. "A man can dream," he replied.

He stood there rigidly, scanning the room as he spoke, before his eye finally rested back on Theo. His ire calmed, his expression was now carefully controlled, though his clenched jaw gave away just how much he hated this, too. "Why don't you go and find yourself a seat, sir?" he suggested. "I'll find you a stiff one and be back shortly."

He nodded his curt guardsman's nod, still hoping that Theo would see past the act just as he tried to see past Theo's. Then, as if afraid to linger there, he marched off in search of wherever these horrid people kept their refreshments table.

[GoblinFae]

Theo bobbed his head in agreement. His gaze however lingered on the retreating man, taking in the strength but also the tension of his form. Fletcher was miserable, and likely more so than Theo himself. 

As he drifted through the room and eventually out onto a balcony rather than a chair as he had been instructed, Theo began to question once more what they were doing. His life was not Fletcher's. Would the other man accept the social finery and political dancing that came so often with comfort? Would he be able to stand balls like this? Or the questions that came with Theo being a perpetual bachelor? Would he want to be open one day when the Baron and Baroness were long gone? Would he want to forever remain a secret?

There were so many questions to be answered and they were nowhere near a place to be asking them yet in their relationship. Theo slumped in the shadow of the balcony corner and stared forlornly down below. How was he to balance all this? How could he best support the man he loved without crushing his spirit or driving him further away? He had never done this all before and he so earnestly wanted to get it all right. Fletcher deserved right. The way he spoke of the past, hinted at how things had been, or openly shared his scars, it all spoke to Theodore of a man that needed kindness and warmth and gentleness. Patience, Theo had in spades but how did he both protect and nurture a man in their current environment? How did he allow him to blossom while also dragging him down into the muck with him?

They needed to talk. They really, really needed to talk and soon. 

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher hit the end of a laundry list of unique and silent ways to convey his unhappiness, and still he couldn't find Theo. He'd passed the girl at least two times, now. As he walked by her yet again, he started at the top with a low, irritated noise grating up his throat. He supposed it was a good thing he knew where she was. If he couldn't find either of them, he'd know there was trouble. Didn't change the fact that he hated the sight of her, though.

Finally, by sheer chance, he caught a glimpse of Theo out on a balcony. "That's not a chair," he muttered as he stepped out into the chill with the man's drink. He set it on the balustrade and promptly wrapped his arms around himself, shivering in the cold. "Bottoms up. 'S fucking freezing out here. Still better than putting up with them, though."

[GoblinFae]

He startled at Fletcher's presence, having been wrapped too deep in his own worried thoughts. "Sorry," Theo murmured softly while scooping up the glass and staring down into it.

"I just couldn't take another minute inside. Been contemplating if I could miraculously climb over the balcony to the next and the next until I found a quiet room to hide in." He snorted and shook his head, swirling the drink some before lowering his voice. "Did you bring your flask by any chance tonight?"

[Nightcrawler]

Fletch wanted nothing more than to lean back against the balustrade and drop the act. Instead, he remained at a respectable distance, hands clasped behind his back again. He made certain to stand in such a way that no one indoors could see what he said or how he looked when he said it, though. "Wish you'd let me know in advance. I'd have brought some rope for you. Might seem suspicious carrying the missus' bedsheets through the party." Fletch frowned at the question. "I always have it, Theo. You know that. Why — need something stronger? Because it's punch. It'll already knock the tits off a cow."

His eye darted between the drink and Theo. His frown deepened. "We shouldn't stay out here for too long. Appearances and all. But...you're not okay, are you? It came back to you in the carriage."

[GoblinFae]

The joke caused Theo to chuckle softly. "No," he continued, exhaustion evident in every vibration of his voice, "we're going the extra spicy route, no safeties just live or die, pass or fail climbing and jumping."

He knocked back the entire glass, wincing slightly at the burn before holding it out towards Fletcher with a sharp nod. His face looked deeply haunted and pale in the moonlight. Even the usual warmth of his eyes had dulled completely from when he had stepped out of his room all beautiful and put together.

"All I want to do is go home." Theo paused and swallowed roughly, his voice cracking some as he continued to speak. "But I'm afraid if I go home early everything will happen again and...I should have just stayed home. I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams and it's so pathetic. It's just a ball. It's just nobles partying and getting drunk and doing stupid things and I—am hating every minute of it.

"So yes, knock the udders off a cow and fill it up. Being engaged is even worse when it comes to this time of year. I regret everything."

[Nightcrawler]

Fletcher's expression softened. It was worse than he'd thought: Theo really did look like he was about to crumble. What did he even say to a man who'd deteriorated this quickly? "It won't happen again," he insisted. "I'll make sure it doesn't." He stayed where he was, and his flask stayed where it was, too. Instead, he brought his hands in front of him and signed. "You're not alone this time, love. I'm here. We do this together."

[GoblinFae]

His hand slowly lowered his glass. Fletcher had made no move to fill it up and Theo felt ashamed because of it. He was behaving childishly and had forced his love to feel the need to step in again and take care of things for him, to monitor him for his own good. Theo placed it back on the rail and smoothed the front of his robes from imaginary wrinkles. 

"I'm afraid it will be you. It almost was you. It's not me I'm afraid for. It's you."

[Nightcrawler]

Theo was afraid of losing him. But he wasn't going anywhere, was he? He'd made it this far. He was going to keep on living, damn it. He chuckled, but it was hollow-sounding. "Survived this long, haven't I? Wasn't my first time close to dying. Sure it won't be my last. But I'm alive, and I intend to keep it that way for a while yet. So don't worry. I'm not going anywhere — except to get you some food first. Otherwise I'll have to hold your hair back later while you cry whiskey drunk over a basin. And neither of us wants that."

He graced the man with a secret and loving smile before allowing his face to fall and turning back towards the party. A short time later, nobles successfully navigated, he returned with a small plate and another drink. The plate he handed to Theo. The drink, he held onto. "Eat first," he said.

[GoblinFae]

He offered a small smile in return before settling more into the shadows leaning against the rail. He look he gave Fletcher upon the man's return was soft and only for his eyes.

"You're taking care of me again. I'm sorry," he murmured, accepting the plate without protest even as his eyes lingered on the drink instead.

"How rambunctious are they getting out there? Think we can manage to disappear before main course is even served?"

[Nightcrawler]

"What's there to be sorry for?" Fletch replied, genuinely confused by the apology. "Just eat it. Then you can get pissed." He set the drink down and crossed his arms, hunching against the chill. The next look he gave the man bordered on concern. He grimaced. "Maybe you're joking, but...if we weren't aiming for certain...outcomes, is disappearing still what you'd do? Lov—Theo — you've a fiancée in there. She shouldn't see you getting cold feet already." He shook his head at how he'd said even that much aloud and switched to sign again. "She certainly shouldn't see you preferring the company of a guard. None of them should. Just hang in there. Stick to it. You'll be out of the worst of it before you know it. But please don't give your dad any reason to make this worse on you."

[GoblinFae]

Theo picked at the food but wisely chose to keep his protests to himself. If Fletcher didn't want to admit he was being a burden to the other man then Theo wasn't going to push it right now. He added it to the list of things they still needed to discuss together.

"Yes. I mean you have no idea the extent to which I hate these balls. And I mean if I had a reason to want to stay like this was something you enjoyed and wanted then I could endure but my dislike of them is fairly well known at this point. I often got in trouble with Father for hiding in the host's library to read the night away. Apparently this is in appropriate behavior befitting a man. Who'd have known? Apparently wandering garden in the dark with a young lady is far better despite the scandalous nature of it. Makes no sense," he grumbled while popping another bite in his mouth to chew sullenly.

"No, you're right," he continued also switching to sign albeit sluggishly. "I'm sorry for putting you more on alert and stressing you. I'll do better. I don't know what came over me. I just need another minute and then I'll go back out and play the part—do you—did you get to eat anything?"