Of Love and War (Goblin) -M-

[Zero]

Senji liked to pretend that he was powerful and commanding, but truthfully he had no idea just how firm a hold he had on Maverick. Despite is displays of arrogance, he felt extremely insecure in his position with his lover. Nothing would crush him more than to lose the mercury-eyed demon, and as far as Senji was concerned, it was a very real possibility. The more he worried over it, the more desperately he tried to hang on to him. Yes, he had spent twenty years away from the other, but he had come crawling back, as he always did. Those absences were just another ploy to get Maverick's attention, of course.

He heard the sound that came from his lover as he pulled away. It was such a strange and foreign sound that he couldn't quite decide what it meant, if it had meant anything. Maverick wasn't one to pine after anyone, and he certainly couldn't be upset that he had moved away. What did his lover need with such tender affection? Oh but how he wanted to take it back. He could have stayed holding Maverick as he had forever, but he'd thought a retreat the best course of action, before something had happened to truly ruin the moment. Had he been wrong?

At the very least his fears of completely ruining the mood again were not grounded. Maverick came and settled into his lap, a most agreeable position, as far as Senji was concerned. Senji grinned and closed his eyes as Maverick lightly nudged him in the head. His arms were wrapped around his lover again, that was all that mattered, and he didn't even mind that Maverick had called him a scruffy mongrel.  Although he couldn't leave that without a comment, but his words were playful. "A scruffy mongrel, hm? Speaks volumes about your tastes in partners, pet."

Smirking he leaned back, pulling Maverick down with him so that his lover was sprawled out on top of him. It felt good to have their bodies pressed close again, although he could do without the clothes. It was his fault for getting angry and mostly dressing to leave. Or really, it was Amdoska's fault for showing up and ruining the mood at the time. Still, if the imp hadn't he might not have had that especially sweet moment with Maverick.

[GoblinFae]

If Maverick had been a cat, he would have purred. If he had been a dog, he would have wagged his tail. As he was a man without either of those capabilities, the demon resigned himself to nuzzling his head into place under Senji's chin while stretching himself out to lay fully entangled atop his lover.

Only once he had been completely ensconced with arms and legs akimbo, did he settle down and close his eyes in contentment. Senji had accepted him. He had not been rejected this time. He was desired in this moment and therefore he allowed himself to relax and to pretend. The tightrope the pair walked was tenuous but for now it seemed they were balanced in perfect harmony. He did not want to do anything that would cause vibrations along its figurative length that would send them both into states of tension and unease.

After a moment or two he realized Senji had been speaking to him and hurried to respond. He did not wish to explain why he was so distracted and hoped that the other demon would not notice the slight delay.

"What can I say? I like 'em on the wild side. Anything nicer is just boring. And you know what happens when I'm bored," he exaggerated with a mocking huff, that somehow managed to maneuver Maverick until he was nestled even tighter against Senji. He was content to just lay there too until the very last part of his lover's phrase was processed by his mind.

Maverick did not know whether to be offended or over-joyed by it. Pet. What did that mean? Was Senji degrading him because of Amdoska behavior or was it a term of endearment? They certainly had a few of those they liked to toss around at each other. Although Maverick's usually pertained to Senji's status within the demon realm. Then there was the question of whether he should ignore it or not. He could not lie to himself and say that he did not both enjoy the name and find it apt.

Determined to rebel in some way but unwilling to ruin the peaceful moment, the mercury-eyed demon squirmed enough to get one hand under the other man's shirt so that warm flesh caressed warmer, smoother skin. He soothingly ran his hand up and down the side of his lover's torso, tweaking and pinching here and there as he went before sneaking his arm around the back of him and squeezing him close.

It was not his idea form of rebellion. Maverick considered it a fifty-fifty win-lose scenario as he ended up embracing the demon instead of mildly torturing him. 'Can't win them all!' he reconciled, unknowingly smiling softly in pure happiness at being so close to the man he cared so deeply for.

[Zero]

There were only a few things that made this moment not perfect in Senji's mind. The fact that they had some clothing between them being one that came readily to mind, but even more than that, the fact that although they seemed to have reached a delicate balance he knew in his heart that this wasn't a true moment. Not like he really wanted, anyway. No, if it were truly perfect Maverick would know just how much he cared about him, and his lover would return that love and affection. Since what he wanted was impossible, he settled for this hollow substitution.

That thought pained him, even as Maverick coiled their limbs together, intertwining them tightly. This was a superficial and physical relationship, but he wanted so much more. He'd had Maverick's body for years, now all he could think about was gaining his lover's heart as well. His own thoughts were so jumbled and turmoil that he didn't notice how long it took Maverick to answer him. His only response at first was a soft snort. Yeah, the silver-eyed demon getting bored, never a dull moment there!

Of course, he didn't even consciously use the term pet, it came without thought. Why did he use it? How did he use it? Yes, a term of endearment, but as a superior to his inferior, was that really how he viewed Maverick? Was that how he really wanted to view him? So many questions his heart couldn't even begin to answer. Curse Maverick for making him feel this way! Everything had been so much simpler before he'd found himself embroiled in these emotions.

His thoughts were interrupted again however and he began to squirm. Senji's skin had practically begun to crawl as his lover's hands moved over his sides. With a sharp gasp he wiggled and attempted to get away from that touch. Oh, he loved for the other to pay attention to him, but he was ticklish and those little pinches had nearly sent him into fits. Senji shuddered softly as Maverick settled back down, simply hugging him now, much to the crimson-eyed demon's relief. "Don't do that again. You know I'm ticklish you tart."

[GoblinFae]

"What?" Maverick asked, tantalizingly running his other hand up under Senji's shirt. "This? But I like seeing you dance. You're such a graceful dancer. So skilled and fluid," he chuckled, nuzzling his face into the hollow of his lover's throat, intentionally leaving featherlight kisses on every patch of skin he could find.

The body beneath him was warm and strong; it was everything Maverick wanted in a lover and perhaps that was the problem. Whenever they separated, they found others to try and feel the void and no matter how hard he tried he never found anyone that fit against him the way Senji did. He hated to think what that could mean for him. Was it possible that no one was perfect because they were not his crimson-eyed lover? Had he set the bar at this prince of demons and found fault with all others because they did not match the demon in temperament and passion? They did not have his strength or his cruelness; they were not as passionate or sensitive.

He quickly steered his thoughts away from that though. Dwelling was a frightening place of realization that he dared not face, especially not with the intoxicating presence of this demon literally so close at hand. Instead he attacked Senji with a vengeance, truly wanting to make him squirm now.

"And what kind of tart am I? Lemon? Strawberry? Savory or sweet? Hmm? What am I to you Senji? Forbidden fruit perhaps?"

[Zero]

What a ridiculous weakness for him to have! Senji hissed as Maverick's other hand slid under his shirt, his skin so sensitive to that touch it was almost unbearable. Really, a demon, prince of a great clan, master assassin, and genius strategist, and here he was, ticklish as could be. How unfair the world was! His head tilted back with a groan, both loving and cursing those soft kisses, his skin flinched under his lover's lips and gave over to soft spasms under his hand.

"Yes...that...stop." Senji didn't want to, but he couldn't stop himself from writhing, soft gasps coming from him as he tried to contain himself. He had to bite his tongue more than once, holding his breath to stop himself from breaking down into very undignified laughter. How many people knew Senji was ticklish? The list was incredibly short. His mother, but she was deceased, his brother Kanji knew, and then there was Maverick. That was it. It was strange, on the one hand, he absolutely hated being tickled, and on the other, it was still attention from Maverick and he secretly loved it.

After the silver-eyed demon asked what kind of tart he was, though, Senji couldn't contain himself any longer, he just gave up trying. Cackles erupted from him, at least he was going to consider them cackles, like hell he was giggling. It was hard to talk while you were giggling like a fool and struggling to breathe. "Hardly," a gasp of air, "forbidden." He lost himself for a few moments again. "You're cherry. Sweet and tangy." 'And my favorite.' Of course he couldn't add that last part.

"Now stooooop." He half whined half laughed.

[GoblinFae]

There it was, one of the most beautiful sounds Maverick had ever heard, Senji's laughter. It was all his doing and only his to hear. It always filled him with a deep sense of pride when he could get that sound to come forth unrestrained and carefree form his lover's lips. It was not the usual cruel laughter of the hunt nor a smirk of triumph but pure unadulterated laughter that caused a smile to break out on the silver-eyed demon's face.

'Yes I suppose you're right. Nothing is forbidden to you. But, cherry, huh? That's interesting, wonder what that makes you,' mused briefly as he continued to rub his cheek against Senji. But, his tongue could not be silenced for long, not when an opportunity like this was so openly provided for challenging.

"And if I don't? What if I don't want to stop, hmm? What are you going to do then when I do more of," Maverick purposely moved both hands to tickle the demon beneath him while smirking evilly down at his lover, "this? Tell me Senji, what then?"

[Zero]

Laughter was not something that came easily to Senji. It was such a foreign sound to his ears, rarely did he hear such a pure laughter come from his own lips. Usually the only laughter he indulged in were cruel sneers and cackles as he toyed with his victims. Was it a sign of weakness, this pure sound? Maybe it was. This was Maverick, however, and although he still disliked being forced to laugh, he found that he did not mind letting his lover hear the sound as much as he might another.

As much as Senji was enjoying the attention, he also didn't like being tickled. His expression of mirth changed into a more vicious, but still playful smirk at Maverick's words. "I'd rather show you." His words were a purr as he suppressed his laughter. It was odd how easy it suddenly was to stop laughing, when a moment before he couldn't contain his giggles.

Gripping Maverick tightly, he rolled them in a quick motion, so that he was pressing down on his lover once more, pinning the gorgeous creature beneath him. His hands sought those of Maverick's intertwining their fingers and squeezing lightly. Senji's lips pressed against his lover's in a hungry kiss, tongue probing eagerly, wanting to taste his lover's sweet, unique flavor. He loved the way the beautiful silver-eyed demon tasted, the way he felt pressed against him, his sweet scent, everything.

[GoblinFae]

Maverick's eyes widened in surprise moments before he was flipped over to lay flat on his back beneath his precious lover. While inwardly he could feel himself melting with silly romantic emotions, outwardly he pouted. 'Of course I end up on the bottom. Why do I ALWAYS end up on the bottom Senji? Then again,' he mused, a smirk forming on his lips as that particular train of thought continued, 'I can still win from the bottom.'

He squeezed back, brushing his thumbs against the backs of the other demon's hands, enjoying the bittersweet tension of the moment. Tongues battled in their own struggle for dominance, neither winning or losing as they danced about from side to side and mouth to mouth. Senji tasted like fine wine, sweet with a bitter, tangy aftertaste yet smooth as silk as he drank him in.

How he was captivated and enthralled by this creature. It simply was not fair how much this demon unknowingly tortured him with these displays of affection. He wanted to control him, make him hurt for all the suffering Maverick endured in silence. He wanted to worship him, make him feel all the pleasure of presence Maverick endured in silence. The silver-eyed demon wanted to make Senji his and become his. He wanted-no he would not admit to wanting that. It would kill him. He could not bear even the merest hint of it within his thoughts. It was a poison that would spread and kill him from the inside out. He had to endure, for Senji, for himself. There was no other option.

Instead of acting on the desires of his heart, Maverick acted on those of the flesh. His arms reached up to encircle his lover, tangling long fingers in silken hair, tugging the head even closer to his own as he fought for dominance in their kiss. "Before or after I show you what I can do, your highness?"

[Zero]

As his tongue intertwined with Maverick's in a heated battle for dominance, Senji knew once more to the depths of his very soul that no other would ever be able to make him feel so deeply and passionately. Suddenly he was angry at himself, those twenty years apart were foolish and for nothing. He had let something petty come between them; a worthless whore that meant nothing to either of them in the grand scheme of things. All those years Senji had felt deadened inside, not even the thrill of bloodshed could rouse in him a thirst for life. No lover had been able to staunch the horrible wound in his dark heart.

The past twenty years had proven the greatest trial of Senji's existence so far, and because of his damned pride, Maverick had not been there. How different might things have been if he'd had his delightfully sinful partner? How much easier might he have crawled back from the depths of devastation? The mercury-eyed vision of physical perfect didn't even know what hell he'd endured alone in darkness without him. Suddenly, he felt the fires of passion dying inside him. A night of deliciously brutal love-making had left him with no regrets, but now he felt worn-out and emotionally depleted.

He didn't withdraw from the kiss, rather he clung tighter to the demon beneath him, resting comfortably on top of the other demon, but the dynamic of the kiss changed. Senji knew that Maverick would sense the dying of carnal hunger into something simply familiar and more compliant. After spending all night dominating his lover, the prince was simply tired and didn't feel like fighting anymore. Frankly, Maverick was completely exhausting to be around! Although he did have the enjoyable thought that his sudden change of behavior would throw his lover completely off. It could be fun to watch his darling student stew in uncertainty and suspicion.

"After all these years, my pet, I'm quite familiar with what you can do, but by all means, I never get tired of watching you in action." His voice was soft and husky, crimson eyes languidly closed, body relaxed and more at ease than it had been in a long time.

[GoblinFae]

The demon was somewhat fearful of the implications of what this gentler nature of his partner might mean. While he himself had exposed a softer, needier side, Maverick had never expected the same from Senji. While he was willing to gamble his heart he never wished to gamble it with the other's knowledge of what was really at stake. Did Senji know his deepest secret? Did this youngster recognize what his fool student had failed to forever keep hidden?

He shuttered his eyes against the thoughts that raced through him, knowing how easily he could be read by his mentor. If the demon prince knew then there was no reason to give him any more fuel for the fire than he already had. Maverick would not be toyed with anymore than the other man already did. There was a balance to be maintained after all.

That soft seductive quality of his former teacher's voice still caused him to tremble like a newborn foal taking its first steps. He heard his own voice reply with a rawness that held more of his true self in it than he had intended.

"Twenty years is long enough to learn new things even for old dogs such as I." Almost hesitantly he allowed his gripping fingers to relax their hold on the other's hair and to soothe any ache with a repetitive combing with feather-light touches. "Perhaps though it would be best to wait for another time when you could enjoy it better."

'When I can enjoy it better with a tethered heart,' his mind scorned, blaming his heart for such puppy feelings.

[Zero]

Senji sighed softly as those words rolled over and through him. He didn't think of his lover as an old dog, and he didn't care how many tricks he knew or didn't know, but he couldn't say that. Besides, what happened when they had learned all the tricks and there simply were no more of them to learn? A troubling thought. Crimson eyes slowly flickered open as those fingers began to run so softly through his hair. His head tilted into the touch, savoring the sweetness of it.

"Who says I wouldn't enjoy it now?" The smolder had gone out of his eyes, and his voice lost its silky purr. Maverick was probably right; he was in an odd mood, was he not? Was it really an odd mood, though? Or was he just letting his weariness put down his guard. "Oh well, another time."

Reluctantly he rolled off of the fair-haired demon, stretching out on the bed beside him and gazing up at the ceiling thoughtfully, not really sure what to really do or say. What was there to be said? He'd shaken Maverick with his tender behavior, that much he knew, but he couldn't say for sure why. Perhaps it was just because it was not a side of himself that he had readily shared with his lover before.

"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" His voice came as a soft mumble, eyes closing wearily; he didn't even try to hide his exhaustion. What was the point? Senji's thoughts went back to Maverick's annoying pet momentarily and he sighed, deciding it was best to just be out with it, before Maverick accidentally brought it up without realizing His voice was soft, barely a whisper, the hint of a tremor to it. "Ari is dead."

[GoblinFae]

Maverick regretted his choice in the face of Senji's odd gentleness now that it meant he was pulling away from him. He sighed and remained put, unwilling to chase after the other like a sick puppy. But, the mention of his lover's pet made his stomach clench painfully.

On the one hand, he was angered to hear mention of the little toy that had always gained Senji's love and affections, getting away with things that not even Maverick on his best behavior could get away with. Why when they laid together must his lover think of someone other than him? Yet, on the other hand he could tell there was something more to the statement than just those three words.

He did not wish to ruin this moment by saying the wrong thing but what could he even say to that? Maverick rolled to his side and leaned up on his elbow to observe Senji's face. "How did you break your pet?" he asked without any of the venom he felt curling within his belly. Where was the joy and relief he should feel to know that obstacle was out of his way? Why did he only feel sick inside?

[Zero]

Senji had always been aware of Maverick's hatred of his beloved little Ari, his precious bunny. Just as his loathing of his lover's little imp was no secret. Earlier he had felt himself battling with his typical jealousy against Amdoska, but now it was so much more than that. It was wrong to be jealous of Maverick still having his pet simply because his own was dead, but he couldn't help it. Why should that annoying little imp be allowed to live on when his sweet little bunny was gone?

The truth was, he doubted his long-time lover truly understood the depth of the connection he had for Ari. His pet had been someone he was more than just fond of. Ari had been an outlet for Senji's feelings, his affection, those passions that he couldn't dare give to Maverick, no matter how he might have wanted to. To lose him had left him devastated in a way he couldn't even fully grasp, let alone express to anyone, least of all his lover.

Eyes that had been softly closed squeezed shut, expression twisting into something of grief and anger. Why did the other torment him with such a question? Pain radiated through him as he recalled what had happened to his darling pet. It was so different when you meant to kill someone. In all his centuries of life, he had never once killed someone accidentally before. Why did the fact that his intention hadn't been murder make it so much harder to bear?

"I didn't mean to. It was an accident." It was his entire fault, there was no one else to blame, not even his little bunny could take the fall for this mistake. "I killed him because I let him get away with too much, and when I did finally decide to punish him it was always so harsh. I just...I went too far."

[GoblinFae]

"We need to find you a new outlet," the demon blurted out before he was able to catch himself. He certainly had not meant to say the first thing that came to mind even if he did believe it. It was too late to recall the statement though and of course Maverick was not going to apologize for the almost cruel words.

While he recognized and was jealous of the bond his lover had had with the pet, Maverick had no idea that it was there because of himself. He did not know what to say though in the face of this vulnerability. He was not brave enough to do what his heart wanted and not cruel enough to taunt and spew the venom that stung his tongue. Yet he still remained bitter. There would always be something to take the place he wanted to be in at Senji's side.

"But, when you are ready you will find a new pet and you will start anew. It is not as if such a thing is impossible, you have all of eternity to make up for it."

[Zero]

Crimson eyes snapped open as those words hit him like a kick in the gut. A new outlet? Was that really what he had to say about it? Cold fury burned in those eyes, though there was the soft glisten of barely contained tears. Leave it to Maverick to be so insensitive! Then again, how could he even expect his lover to even begin to understand how badly this had truly hurt him. Eyes fluttered shut, squeezing painfully as burning tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, despite his best effort to contain them.

Each additional word stabbed at him like a knife. There was a profound wound, an emptiness in his heart, a void that Ari had filled. His love for Maverick had been so much easier to suppress and contain with Ari there to lavish that excess affection onto. The demon's pet had always been someone to redirect those intense feelings onto. It had been safe to show Ari sides of himself that he hadn't dared expose to his true heart's desire, the mercury-eyed demon that so cruelly hurt him now.

"Replace Ari? I could live for eternity and not be able to replace him! You don't understand. You can't understand what he meant for me. What his death means for me. I loved him so much, too much. I don't want another pet, I want Ari." Despite the quiver of rage in his voice, the words were spoken in a low, hushed rush. The very act of speaking make his chest ache more viciously. Maverick had been able to distract him from that pain for a while, but now it was coming back full force.

It wasn't fair to unburden all this on his lover, but Kanji would not speak to him, especially about Ari. Frankly, Senji didn't know who else to share his pain with. Since the moment he'd met Maverick, it was really him that the crimson-eyed prince wanted to share all his joys and pains with. Even with centuries together, he still couldn't open up fully to him, no matter that he wanted to.

[GoblinFae]

Maverick wanted nothing more than to sit up and turn his back on Senji, to walk away and not come back, to put an end to his suffering. Yet, he could not. He did sit up though and scoot back to rest against the headboard, his gaze trained on the far wall.

'How can I bring you comfort when I despised that which brought you joy? How can I understand or wish to when I want you to feel that way about me? A pretty pet means more to you than your lover ever could. Why is it now when the one you lavished with your affections upon is dead, that you finally open your heart to me. Do you even feel for that demon or do you just miss that which worshiped the ground you walked on?'

His hand fell out to the side, coming to rest upon Senji's head where it combed his hair rhythmically and trailed behind his ears. Maverick sighed heavily, wishing he knew what words to say and yet found there were none that could soften the ache within his lover's eyes.

'How long as it been?' he wanted to ask when instead he questioned something else instead. "Does Kanji know?"

[Zero]

It hurt when Maverick got up and moved to sit with his back against the headboard. Although, what had he really expected? To be taken gently into his lover's arms and comforted? That was rich! No, this was already more than he should have expected. This had been a mistake, pouring out his heart and soul to Maverick was dangerous, even when he had Ari as an excuse for his behavior. If he made a mistake, it could turn so easily away from being about how much losing Ari had hurt to how much he really needed Maverick.

Senji closed his eyes as those fingers moved so tenderly through his hair. A tremble ran through him as he tried to stem the tide of tears. At least he had not begun to sob like some pathetic sap. The question made him stiffen though. How should he answer that? Mother have mercy, just the thought of the look in Kanji's eyes made his stomach knot painfully. He knew that he was not the only one mourning the loss of Ari, and enduring the wrath of his brother for his crime. Who'd have thought that he would actually wish his younger brother would talk to him?

"He knows, he was there, he saw everything but he couldn't make me stop. He won't even talk to me right now. I wasn't allowed to bury Ari. Kanji wouldn't let me. He put Ari in the ground behind his house, and he won't even let me come near. He's never been so mad at me before, and I don't know what to do." Had he fallen into senseless babbling? Senji wasn't even sure if he was making sense anymore, but the pain in his voice made him wince. It was usually he that was causing pain to others, hearing his own anguish was unfamiliar and unsettling.

[GoblinFae]

"Poor Kanji," Maverick murmured as he brought his arms to wrap around Senji. 'And poor lover,' his mind whispered afraid to offer such sympathies and be rebuked for them. "He adored Ari." His lips pursed tightly in frustration. 'And Ari worshiped you. Is that what you miss Senji, adoration? Is that why I can't love you? I don't worship you?'

The demon sighed and rubbed Senji's shoulders. "Kanji will speak to you again. He is hurting but he cares for you greatly. Give him time. All will mend itself once more. It always does," he added the last in a near wistful tone.

It broke whatever semblance of a heart Maverick had to hear his lover so utterly devastated and pained by his pet's death. Yet, there were no words he knew that would bring comfort. He was incapable of bringing Ari back from the dead and short of that, the demon there was anything that could be done. Senji would accept no replacement especially not Maverick and perhaps that was what hurt the older demon the most. He would never be enough to the man he longed for.

'Forget him,' he wanted to say. 'See me,' he wished to scream. 'Love me,' his heart sobbed.

[Zero]

Senji stiffened in Maverick's arms, waves of pain, jealous, and rage coursing through his mind and heart. Poor Kanji? Is that all he could think to say! Here he was pouring his bleeding heart out to his lover and the best he could come up with was poor Kanji? It was his beloved pet that had died. It was his anguished heart filled with guilt and self-loathing. It was his lover that he was seeking comfort from and it was Kanji who was getting the sympathy?

Should he lash out in anger at the perceived betrayal or break down sobbing in his misery? Neither seemed to be a good or productive choice. Lashing out might drive Maverick away from him, but allowing the true depth of his pain to pour out could break him. Just crying in his lover's arms was more than he had ever felt comfortable with. Senji Yamada, the vengeful prince of his people, did not need comforted by anyone.

It was only a small mercy that no one else was here to witness his shame. Would Maverick hold this against him, though? The thought that his beautiful silver-eyed love might hurt him in such a malicious way was unbearable. It wasn't fair that he wanted the other demon so much that it hurt and yet his feelings were so taboo that he couldn't even think of expressing them. His hands balled into fists and he pounded them against Maverick's chest and stomach with all the strength of a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"Poor Kanji, poor Kanji, I don't give a fuck about poor fucking Kanji right now. Why can't you pretend to care about how it hurts me?"

[GoblinFae]

Maverick took the weak blows to his body in stride, his eyes shuttered as he buried away the pain of understanding. He often had said that Senji was a baby or a child but it had never been proved more fully than now. The temper tantrum did not phase him so much as make him truly pay attention to what the demon price was not saying.

Wordlessly he pulled his lover closer to his own body and squeezed him tightly, his lips pressing to the top of Senji's head as he murmured softly to try and sooth him. 'Is my being here not enough for you?' he wanted to scream and yet he kept his silence.

Making a decision, Maverick pulled Senji up some so as to leave kisses on his forehead and cheeks as he continued to hold him so tightly. If he could not be enough for Senji than at least he could try and make him forget.