It started off as a look of utter perplexity. Had he heard right? Or rather — had he heard wrong before? Had he spent all this time torturing himself over a wall that had never really existed? And yet as he listened on, and as Theo gave explanation after explanation as to why he thought Fletch wasn't interested, it became crystal clear that he, too, had told himself a story that wasn't quite true. He blinked rapidly and tilted his head and held up a hand to speak, then retracted it. Then he held it up again and stroked his stubble. As his fingers passed over his mouth, he began to shake with what could have been sobs, only for him to drop his arm limp and shake his head and begin, finally, to laugh.
He glanced up at Theo with that crooked grin and one eyebrow cocked in exasperation. "Is that what you think?" he asked quietly. "Is this what you tell yourself? That this is something I don't want to deal with? Because I can't think of anywhere else but your vivid imagination that you'd have gotten this idea that I don't want to be here. That I'm somehow scared of a mess. What — you think I stuck around for the money? For a dog I don't visit anymore? If I didn't want to weather everything that comes along with you, I'd have left the second I saw it.
"Theo...I've seen messes. I come from a mess. I am a mess, if you couldn't tell. And Ven was even more of one, if you can bloody believe it. This? This doesn't scare me enough to run me off. Not by a long shot. Stop telling yourself that it will. Now."
Fletcher held his hand up again, fingers shaking, and motioned for Theo to let him continue. He scowled momentarily at the reminder of that deep hole he'd dug before focusing again on Theo. He grew serious. "I'm trying to shield you from the mountain of shit that I've yet to face, let alone dig through. I'm trying to keep it under wraps. I didn't think this was anything you wanted to see, or hear about, but...if those are the lies you tell yourself, then these are mine. And if you really, truly want this — "
Fletch held his trembling hand back in view, this time to make a point.
"I'm at rock bottom, Theo. There's no way you want me. You can't possibly want me, but...if I was wrong, and you don't care about all the ways I could fuck this up, or hurt you, or how badly this could end, then...then I can't take it anymore," he finished. "And I'll be greedy, too."